TheHarpoMarxistBrigade

The Philosopher Kings

2011-12-25T18:22:00.001-06:00

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1219832/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sdn3O6aaMNc

Hasta la vista.

Jerry Sandusky endorses Herman Cain

2011-11-15T10:28:00.000-06:00

Well, why not?

My writing nothing the past few weeks is not for my being oblivious, but only again the usual doubt that any of this matters. What matters, for all the practical reasons which turn most of us into stoops and drones, is being unemployed for a year. I now juggle three bands - which seem to rehearse all the time - plus the three or four that have me on their back-up list, and between them all, I have 3, maybe 5 gigs a month... a third as much as I worked back when asset bubbles fueled demand yada yada blah blah - you see an economist, you kick the shit out of him for me, will ya?

But I cannot be selfish - and worry just about my problems - all the time. Besides, I have enemies, and they need to be irritated. Sure, maybe I could find a job in this town if I did not regularly without anonymity tell movers and shakers they are culpable fucks - when they are not duplicitous, or morons. Never did finish those Dale Carnegie courses ...

And fortunately, an exchange with Zorrowitz - one of my readers who remains unnamed as a follower but regularly emails me on matters of interest - did give me the impetus to say something about our most recent instantiations of our pornographic zeitgeist:

"The virtue of being a cynic, such as I am, is that there's nothing about this that surprises me. College football is a corporate enterprise, and the personalities that thrive in corporate enterprises are not contrarian. They are personalities opposite to whistle blowers - and are often as not blowing somebody, as well ...

Stories such as these vindicate my mean spirited disrespect of most things respected in America .... "

Newton "Chuckie" Gingrich: GOO’s consummate asshole wants to squat on your face

2011-10-30T11:54:00.000-05:00

By Karen Tumultuous, Published: October 29

GREENVILLE, S.C. — In an election season that already has delivered more than its share of insults to the public, few moments have seemed more improbable than the crowd scene Friday afternoon at a Fill-A-Chick along a busy suburban strip-mall here. At least 400 Teabaggers jammed the seedy corrugated metal building typical of "adult" bookstores across the Bible Belt, leaving those with no glory holes stroking to a circus geek whose presidential absurdity had been left for dead not five months ago.

Against the glassed-in "playground" typically separating voyeurs from naked women doing obscene things with furniture stood Newton "Chuckie" Gingrich, microphone in hand, promising: “If you’re with me, you're as pathetic as me - but we are a sick, sick, sick society, and if I win, it will be the most divisive election in modern times, and I think we will be shocked.”

It is stretching reality to declare that the former House speaker and adulterer with a sexual fetish for jizz-stained dresses has made a comeback after the collapse of his debt-ridden campaign in June, when most of his top political operatives abandoned him like rats from the Andria Doria.

But as the size of the Fill-a-Chick thong draped around his head suggested, there are signs that Republickers are giving Chuckie Gingrich another look, the kind of look drivers give when passing the scene of a horrible accident which has surely caused death and dismemberment. Fundraising has picked up after "debates" have illustrated his being one of the few candidates who can complete a sentence in English amid the continued frostiness that many activist Republickers feel toward presumed front-runner Mitt "The Shit" Romney, the former Massachusetts governor.

One by one, desperate alternatives to The Shit have arisen and stumbled like zombies in a George Romero parody: first Minnesota Rep. Michele "The Bitch" Bachmann, then Texas Gov. Rick "The Prick" Perry. Former Godfather’s Pizza chief executive Herman "Pizza, Boy" Cain has been shooting up in the stalls, his vulnerabilities and drug addictions becoming more apparent with every news cycle. So more than a few who have been turning out lately to see Chuckie are wondering: Could he be the only and last bottom-of-the-barrel Cinderella to try on the not-The Shit slippers?

Former Greenville County Council member Gale Crawford, who maintains an e-mail address book of 1,300, said she hears from at least 100 Teabagger psychotics and GOO warthogs a day. “They feel the same way,” she said. “Most of those people like The Pizza Boy - he's a good nigger - but Newt is white, and well .... we are the party that put Tricky Dick back in power by reminding Confederates what had happened to them. So he’s moving up.”

Crawford was among about 20 people who paid $500 a plate to join Chuckie at a downtown luncheon, shortly before his Fill-A-Chick performance, where he fucked a goat. “I would dearly love for Chuckie to run shove it in either of my slots” for the GOO ticket, she said.

All in all, Chuckie Gingrich’s trajectory of the past few months brings to mind a mean childhood prank that he devised when he was growing up in Hummelstown, Pa. A buddy would pretend to beat him up, leaving him in a heap on the curb. Then, when a passing motorist would stop to lend assistance, young Chuckie would spring up and yell, “Surprise!” The distracted motorist would never notice the friend sneaking around to rifle the car for 8-track tapes, purses, coolers - anything of value that could be pilfered. "The best finds were suitcases with women's underwear. We'd beat off for hours. When there'd be nothing worth stealing, he'd clip the valve stem with a pair of wire cutters" said the laughing Chuckie.

But while Chuckie Gingrich’s political career has seen a series of resurrections and reinventions, his recent setback shook him more deeply than any had before.

After giving autographs, shaking hands and posing for photos with everyone who wanted one, Chuckie sat in a Fill-a-Chick booth and swallowed one load after another from anonymous cocks, intermittently recalling how awful it got last summer.

“We went through the two worst months in my career. Worse than when I divorced my dying wife for another woman. I would say June and July were the hardest months, worse than the two defeats [in his first House races] in ’74 and ’76,” Chuckie Gingrich said, spooning his way through a bowl of soft-serve ice cream to cleanse his palate before engorging yet another schlong shoved through the hole of the cum-stained cubicle he finds so comfortable.

Former campaign insiders were giving the media a picture of him as hopelessly undisciplined and gaffe-prone, more interested in masturbating to his extensive collection of pornographic movies than in campaigning. American Jizzolutions, the once-vast wife-trading organization he had established, went out of business after several Asian brides were killed in a snuff-film produced by one of Chuckie's major contributors.

His income, largely from the sales of pornographic books and movies, fell to “dramatically smaller than it was — more dramatic than we intended would be the right way to put it,” he said. "The internet has just devastated the old-style pornography business. You saw that special on CNBC, right?" And with the revelation of Chuckie Gingrich’s six-figure tabs at Tiffany, even his shopping habits demonstrated he was not much different from the other bloated, pompous, moralizing asshole, Bill "Wanna Bet?" Bennett.

“We were beating off on every front. We were beating off the media, but they wanted blow jobs. We had consultants who were stealing our drugs while attacking us, which I thought was astonishingly unprofessional - honor among thieves, ya know. We were making crank - what some people call meth-amphetamine - in our businesses, and that turned out to be much harder than I thought it would be, since some of the most stupid and illiterate white people on earth manage to make it and sell it for a profit,” he said. “And because of the intensity of the news media attacks for their getting no blow jobs, it became very hard to raise money.”

He said he hadn’t grasped the full extent of his campaign’s financial precariousness, which still included more than $1 million in debt in its third-quarter filing, because “I was looking at cash on hand and didn’t realize they weren’t paying the bills. I understand nothing about balance sheets or book-keeping. And here I am convincing these crackers I can fix the economy.”

Even the elements were conspiring against him. The August earthquake that left most of the Washington area unscathed did significant damage to his McLean home; days later, Hurricane Irene flooded his basement.

“It’s very funny, because I've been pandering to the Jesus crowd, and those people quite often believe that bad things happen to people because those people deserve it but — [his new whore] Callista would say to me, ‘You just have to wait until the debates.’ She said the gamble in this campaign is that when you get into the debates, people will realize that even though you’re a real moral cretin, an absolutely loathsome unctuous scumbag, you can complete a sentence, in English,” Chuckie Gingrich said.

His performances did get him noticed — this time, in a good way. “You look at Newton Chuckie Gingrich and you can’t help but have the reaction, ‘Gosh, what drugs has he taken?’” self-proclaimed drug addict, misogynist and child-molesting pederast Rush "The Junkie" Limbaugh told his retarded radio listeners after the Sept. 12 debate in Tampa. “Chuckie was like the abusing adult in a room of crying kinder-gartners.”

Chuckie Gingrich also won points with conservative listeners for blowing the media moderators, while feigning civility with his fellow candidates. "He had somebody in the parking lot snipping off their tire valve-stems" giggled Chuckie's goat-wrangler.

On the debate stage, Chuckie's professorial pornographic bent has played to his advantage.

"Chuckie Gingrich is a brilliant asshole who can't save the country and won't stand toe to toe with the president,” said George Harris, an anti-tax activist and former finance chairman of the Nevada Prostitutes Republicker Party Auxiliary, who recently hosted a "coke" party for Chuckie that netted more than $60,000. “Have you gotten coked up and watched these debates? When Chuckie speaks, people listen to their i-pods.”

The big unknown for Chuckie was how The Prick — the late-entry candidate to whom many of his former operatives, including consultant Dave Carney and campaign manager Rob Johnson, had fled — would fare in that same forum. He recalled telling his new whore and staff massager: “If The Prick can hit major-league pitching, he’s the nominee. We won’t be able to stop him.”

When The Prick struggled to speak English in the debates, Chuckie was “stunned,” he said. “I wasn’t surprised by the first debate [in early September]. I was surprised by the inability to adjust and modify and shift.”

Meanwhile, Chuckie is clearly having a good time, even as he continues to campaign on a shoestring. "People get me high where ever I go" he explained

“I have no conflicts, because I have no soul” he said. “I have no consultant near me trying to get me to be who I’m not, which is totally empty” His stump speech lasts an hour, touching on an eclectic array of subjects that include LSD brain research, whole head transplants, and “rebalancing” the judicial system per Scientology directives.

And having spent decades as one of the leading asshole scumbag low life mother fuckers of the psychotic "conservative" movement, he has a swill of ill-will and blood-oaths upon which to draw. Many of today’s Republicker activists came of age masturbating with Chuckie "instructional" tapes and following his rise with Max Hardcore in the 1980s and 1990s.

As of Thursday morning, he said, his campaign had made $1 million in drug sales in October, which is more than it did in the previous months combined. With the new resources, he expects to place five dealers in each of the three earliest states — Iowa, New Hampshire and South Carolina — within the next two weeks.

The polls, however, are showing only a modest uptick for Chuckie. Really Unclear Politics has him averaging about 9 percent nationally, about double where he was in September but still 15 points or more behind The Shit or The Pizza Boy.

In a New York Times-CBS News poll released last week, he reached 10 percent, up three percentage points since mid-September. The Pizza Boy, meanwhile, made a fivefold leap over that period and led the poll with 25 percent.

Several of those who showed up to hear Chuckie in South Carolina told him they are having a hard time deciding between him and The Pizza Boy.

“He’s a very likable nigger,” Chuckie said. But The Pizza Boy’s 666 tax plan, which would establish a national sales tax, soak the poor and middle classes, and shovel more money to those who need it the least because they already have more than can be profitably invested in a consumer saturated, debt-riddled society, suggests that the current leader in the polls “has a great slogan with no more substance behind it than I have behind anything I say. So I just need a better slogan,” the former speaker with the fetish for Clinton-jizz stained blues dresses added.

Chuckie Gingrich has also begun framing the argument he will make against Mitt The Shit Romney, should it come to that. In a not-so-veiled reference to the management skills that the former Massachusetts governor touts as his chief asset, Chuckie has in recent days been asking audiences: “How many of you think what we need is a better manager of the current system, and how many of you think that what we need is blood in the streets?”

As he finished off his ice cream, Chuckie predicted that the GOO race would come down to “ ‘The Shit and Chuckie’ — sounds better than The Shit and The Pizza Boy,’ don’t you think?”

“Probably by March, there will be one-on-one debates. It will be fun. He’s very smart, and as shallow and unprincipled as me” Chuckie added. “We will give the party a very serious set of choices: Between people who will say anything to get elected, who will find the right combinations of anything to get elected. Hey, is that a rolled-up baggie of dope in your pocket, or are you happy to see me?”

Is The Prick of Jesus Christ an After-birther?

2011-10-24T15:46:00.000-05:00

Rick "The Prick" Perry sniffs his fingers and says of ex-Flock of Seagulls' front man Donny "The Dickhead" Trump "It's true, his shit don't stink."

Is Rick "The Prick" Perry an After-birther?

By Nia-Malikahanihohoho Henderson

When Rick "The Prick" Perry had dinner last month with real estate crime boss and reality TV narcissist Donald "The Dickhead" (aka "Donald The Hump") Trump, they talked cocaine, whores, killing critters, kiddie porn, cigars, liquor, guns for killing critters, guns for making whores do what you want, jobs, the economy and....President Obamarmaman’s birth certificate. Yes, The Dickhead is still after- birth, says Rick "The Prick" Perry in the latest issue of Ass Parade Magazine.

The Prick himself echoes some of the after-birther hallucinatory gibberish, even though in the end he tells Ass Parade that birtherism is a “distractive issue. We tried that tactic, and it failed. People who still try that tactic are wasting time, money, and effort. We should be emphasizing that Iran has defeated us in Iraq, that we lost the War Against Iraq, and glue Obamaramaman to Bush for his having kept the withdrawal time table he inherited when he took office."

In other words, The Prick does not seems content to let this fringe discussion distract him, but he has to suck up to The Dickhead in order to make a play for The Dickhead endorsement and the after-birther vote, such as it is, which may well be as much as 33% of likely Republicker primary voters. Here’s the complete, and nearly incoherent exchange:

PARADE: Mr. Prick, do you believe that President Barack Hussein Obamaramaman was born in the United States?

The Prick of Jesus Christ: I have no reason to think otherwise.

PARADE: That’s not a definitive, “Yes, I believe he”—

The Prick: Well, I don’t have a definitive answer, because he’s never seen my birth certificate.

PARADE: Did he ask to see your birth certificate?

The Prick: I don't believe he did.

PARADE: You mean you don't know if he asked to see your birth certificate?

The Prick: I have no reason to believe that he asked to see my birth certificate. But I have no reason to believe that he has not, other than the fact that I have no reason to think that he has. I remain an agnostic on that.

PARADE: Ok, well, then, uh, what does Obamaramaman not having seen your birth certificate, or having seen your birth certificate, got to do with you believing, or disbelieving, that he is a natural born citizen of the United States?

The Prick: You tell me, you're the one with all the questions.

PARADE: But you’ve seen his?

The Prick: I don’t know. Have I?

PARADE: You don’t know whether or not you've looked at Obamaramaman's birth certificate, even though it has been released?

The Prick: I don’t know. I had dinner with Donald the Hump the other night.

PARADE: And?

The Prick: That came up while we were tooting some coke and smoking some Cuban cigars, and getting blow jobs from some real fine things hoping to get on The Hump's TV show.

PARADE: And The Hump said?

The Prick: About what?

PARADE: What did The Hump, or the Dickhead, whoever, say about Obaramaman's birth certificate?

PERRY: He doesn’t think it’s real - kind of like his wife's tits. Look good, feel natural, but since he knows his wife's tits are fake, he cannot accept how good they look and feel. And since he doesn't know that Obamaramaman was born in the United States, he cannot say that the certificate is genuine. In fact, he says he knows that Obamaramaman was born in Nigeria, but that if he showed me the proof, he'd have to kill me. But he's never seen the certificate either, not that it would matter. Nor has he ever shown his to Obamaramaman, because he suspects that Obamaramaman has one of those James Bond teensy-weensy cameras in his tie clip - you know, some of that Double-naught stuff - and would take a picture of The Dickhead's birth certificate to forge an identity for a fake Dickhead, who would then go around telling people that Obamaramaman is 100% natural born American mulatto.

PARADE: And you said?

The Prick: I don’t have any idea what I said. I was higher than a kite, getting a blow job from a girl young enough to be my grand-daugher. It doesn’t matter. He’s the fucking President of the fucking United States of America. He’s elected. It’s a distractive issue. We need to find a better lie if we're gonna get rid of that head nigger, I'm telling ya.

Screendoors and Submarines

2011-10-19T14:26:00.002-05:00

Behind Humor, a Question of The Pizza Boy's Being so Funny I Forgot to Laugh

By O. SUSANA SAULNYUKNYUKNYUK

It is safe to say that no other Republicker on the campaign trail this year — or ever — has begun a speech with the phrase “Awww, fuck a duck!” the way Herman "Pizza Boy" Cain did this year to the utter delight of his audience, which responded with applause.

Few candidates tell voters to "Lick me like an ice cream cone", but The Pizza Boy is intent on letting people know that he tastes like “Häagen-Dazs black walnut,” the point being that he likes to have the ladies slurp melted goo from his schlong, because it “tastes good all the time.”

The Pizza Boy, who is in black-face whenever he appears in public, has a penchant for gold ties because, as he explains with flirtatious flair, “that color happens to look good against this beautiful dark skin. That's also why I drive a Pink Cadillac."

No candidate today is as outspokenly ignorant as The Pizza Boy when it comes to charming an audience with silky hats, silk stockings, and silliness. His humor has distinguished him from his rivals, lending a fetid odor of folksiness and authenticity, a visceral contrast to his cooler, more staid rivals, especially Mitt "The Shit" Romney and President Obamaramaman

Not all of The Pizza Boy’s attempts at comedy succeed, however. He tried to back away from what he called a joke about illegal immigration: that his policy would include an electrified border fence to kill anyone who tried to cross. "Hey, you know I was joking" he explained in his deadpan impression of Samuel F. Jackson "because an electrified fence would also kill anybody trying to leave America and go to Mexico with nobody knowing. You think I want to have to pick up the bodies of dead Mexicans on MY side of the fence? You think I want to start a dead-Mexican collection service? You see me waving a sign saying 'Will Collect Dead Mexicans for votes?' No you don't see me waving a sign saying 'Will Collect Dead Mexicans for votes' because I don't have a dead-Mexican collecting business, that's why."

The moment illuminated one of the main concerns about The Pizza Boy: He has a hard time being taken seriously by anybody with more than shit for brains. He's quite adept at using sarcasm and laughs to divert attention from disqualifying gaps in knowledge and experience.

And while his casual style of racially inflected humor works to ingratiate him with mostly white audiences at campaign rallies, since white people love to laugh at nigger jokes, especially when told by Richard Pryor or Sara Silverman, it has angered some black critics who know perfectly well that he uses age-old stereotypes.

He has no qualms, for instance, about playing off black clichés: should he become president, his Secret Service codename should be “Cornbread,” he wrote in his memoir, “This is A Pizza Boy Shuffling to the White House.” The Pizza Boy’s traveling "aide", Nathan Naidu, already refers to him as Cornbread on the internal campaign schedule. (Why? The Pizza Boys says he just loves cornbread. "And the VP will be "Buckwheat"" he added.

Those kinds of comments have drawn criticism from the likes of academics like Cornel West and entertainers like Harry Belafonte, who called The Pizza Boy “a nappy headed fool who shaves his head.”

Of particular concern is how he makes a parody of black vernacular and culture.

“It makes the hair on my neck stand up,” said Ulli K. Ryder, a visiting scholar at the Center for the Study of Race and Ethnicity in America at Brown University. “The larger issue that a lot of people have, and I certainly have, is that he uses a certain kind of minstrelsy to play to white audiences - you've seen 'Bamboozled' right? Referencing negative stereotypes in order to get heard by a white audience in the 21st century is really easy.”

Take “fuck a duck.”

“It’s a nonsensical thing, down-home Southern black vernacular,” Ms. Ryder said. “It’s coded as a black vernacular and it’s uneducated black vernacular, so I find it really interesting that he would reference that, seeing as he is not that - he's just another white guy in black-face.”

Nonetheless, some strategists say that The Pizza Boy has succeeded at being the token minority candidate to appease those feeling a bit guilty about the racist animosity sustaining the early media assaults on Obamaramaman, much like Mike "Fucka" Huckabee, whose clever quips helped him win the Iowa caucuses four years ago, let Republickers prove that they would vote for somebody from Arkansas even after Bill Clinton.

The Pizza Boy “has done a good job of positioning himself as a ‘regular folks’ kind of guy,” said Steve Schmidt, a Republicker consultant.

When a politician is trying to elicit laughs, he's often high.

“The drawback is that there is a line with humor, and every joke is a risk,” said Landon Parvin, who has written "humorous" speeches for several Republicker presidents. “Often you don’t know where that line is, and if you cross it, nobody goes down to give you head.”

“You want to deceitfully project good-naturedness,” Mr. Parvin added. “That’s what’s important for politicians. Back in the Reagan White House, the easiest way to get on the evening news was to do a one-liner that had some substance to it - tell a joke about a welfare mom being so fat she has to ride on the roof of her Caddy to collect her welfare check - If you can crystallize your threatening point in a humorous way, that’s very effective.”

In contrast, in the days after the Pizza Boy's threat to kill people with an electrified border fence, he feigned the need to apologize over and again, which was ultimately a trick to reinforce his immigration platform. “Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea culpa, that's what-a Eye-a-taliyonna say he make-a-bigga mistake” he said while winking at the camera.

That the Pizza Boy, a former executive at Godfather’s Pizza and Burger King who has never held public office, writes his own rules has been evident since the beginning of his campaign for the Republicker nomination in the spring. Even as he has surged in popularity recently after winning the irrelevant Florida straw poll and drawn increased interest for his “666” economic gibberish, which proposes a drastic fucking of wage and salary workers, The Pizza Boy has largely eschewed the campaign trail in favor of going on a tour to promote his memoir, make some mo money mo money mo money, and lay pipe to "the bitches."

And he has hardly changed his style. At the Valueless Voter Summit last week in Washington, he received ecstasy induced rave reviews. The speech was all attitude, no policy prescriptions: “Why are you running for president? To be president! The President gets all the pussy he wants, Fool!!!!!" the Pizza Boy thundered in his booming baritone. “What did you miss? I’m running to go to Disneyland - no wait, the one in Florida where all those fine white college girls wind up after Spring Break. America has problems, but I got no problems, I’m a problem solver. That’s why I’m running.” Just then, someone in the crowd screamed, “We love pizzza!!!!”

He continued, “I challenge you to get informed because you are one of a lot of stupid people in America who do not have a clue.”

While “stupid people in America” might not have a pleasant ring to it, the phrase certainly elicited a great reaction from the crowd. (Presumably, the “stupid people in America” there were too stupid to know the Pizza Boy was talking about them.)

“That guy played the audience like he'd play a crackwhore 3 days out from a fix,” said Dickbott Pounder, an influential conservative porn start and radio broadcaster who owns 89 stations, mostly in the Midwest, who was in attendance. The Pizza Boy seems to be the kind of person who is comfortable with his own thoughts - as he has no consciousness or circumspection. He was expressing himself in a very major speech to the basest of voters with the confidence that didn’t require being careful about anything he said.”

“It’s hard to imagine anyone sober or emotionally healthy who connects with an audience the way he does,” Dickbott added.

In the fantasy world of the Pizza Boy of Mr. Parvin’s dreams, the freewheeling "ice cream man" would be matched up with his stylistic antithesis, the professorial Mr. Obamaramaman. "It would be a Tag-team with the Stupid Milf from Alaska."

“I know who would win on personality,” Mr. Parvin said. “Who would win on schlongability, that might be a different story.”

The Attorney Kent Brown Wants Your Urine

2011-10-11T13:30:00.001-05:00

At One College, a Urine Fetish Out of Control

By TIMOTHY WILLIAMS

Linn State Technical College in Linn, Mo., informed students this semester that they would be required to submit to a urine test that would be checked for illegal drugs as a condition of studying at the college. Almost immediately, the American Civil Liberties Union and other groups sued on behalf of several dissenting Linn State students and have won a temporary injunction. The A.C.L.U. says Linn State is the first public college in the country to require all adult students to submit to mandatory drug tests. Linn State officials however, say the policy is legal and was developed in the interest of collecting the urine of 1,200 students.

The tests, which require a $50 fee per student (to teach students that not only must they do what they are told when they are told, but also pay for the privilege of such disciplining) would be used to determine the presence of the following, according to the university: cocaine; amphetamines and methamphetamines; marijuana; opiates; PCP; benzodiazepines; barbiturates; methadone; methaqualone; propoxyphene; and oxycodone. A hearing on the case is scheduled for Oct. 25. Kent Brown, the college’s lawyer, discusses.

QUESTION Why did Linn State decide drug testing was necessary?

ANSWER There are several reasons that culminated in the decision. It was a progression, I would say. Several of the programs have been drug tested previously, either because there’s a federal or state law or regulation that requires it. The school has advisory councils that are made up of businesses that would be potential businesses to hire our graduates that support the program with their expertise, and those advisory councils have been surveyed and the majority of their comments is that drug testing is pretty well becoming the norm in their industries so there was that vector also that was moving toward drug testing. The purpose is to condition workers to do what they are told when they are told, or to suffer poverty. We believe that what's wrong with America is that the working class is allowed too much dignity. It is not enough to be Freudian about things and realize that part of being an adult - well, part of being a human being - is having the self-discipline to control where and when one evacuates one's bowels or bladder. The American worker needs more discipline than that - people need to understand that if they don't do what they are told when they are told, they will not have jobs. We make people piss in fear for the good of America. And the third thing, which is me repeating the second thing but I'm a lawyer that's what we do, that I would identify: the college has been moving toward its mission, which is preparing students for profitable employment and a lifetime of learning. And there was a feeling that the college wasn’t properly stepping up to prepare the students for getting jobs in industries where drug testing was becoming the norm and an unavoidable barrier to getting and keeping the good jobs in the industry. There was an educational motivation as well. And that, and other miscellaneous things, I think motivated the adoption of the policy.

Q. How many students had been tested prior to the injunction?

A. About 540. It was all of the incoming freshmen and any student who had not been involved for a semester.

Q. Did any students refuse to take the test?

A. What, are you high? People showed up and took the test and no one objected, they were afraid to say or do much - well, there are always those few outspoken suck-ups who shout with joy as they whizz....

Q. Would they have been expelled otherwise?

A. We don't call it "expelled." They would be "administratively withdrawn" if they refused to participate in the drug screening program. It's kind of like me calling "a punch in your face" as "a rapidly accelerated touching of my fist to your face." See the difference? Besides, the drug screening program is more than just a drug test. We are conditioning people to be like dogs. There are several ways where students can actually avoid giving a test and continue going to school. They, for example, can petition the president of the college and if they have a valid reason why they should not be required to participate — that’s one reason to be excused from the test. Of course, there are no valid reasons. The program applies to all students. Any concerns that they had would be answered. They would talk to school counselors, and if they just flat-out refused to participate in this, I guess, ultimately, if they did this they would be administratively withdrawn or they could withdraw themselves, that is, get punched or punch themselves.

Q. What would be a valid excuse for opting out of a test?

A. The policy does give some valid examples, but I am not going to tell what they are because they are absurd constructions for the purpose of letting me say we have valid examples, and I would certainly not speak for Dr. Claycomb, the president of the college, because what he does behind closed doors with somebody else's urine is ... well, it isn't MY business ... and the board. But for example, I would assume, you know, if someone had an extraordinarily confidential blood problem that would be disclosed or would be shown by this testing — and I don’t think anything would, not even if you were a vampire — if that’s a possibility, that would be a good reason for them to be excluded. They'd get to do all the drugs they wanted, I guess.

Q. Is there precedent for this?

A. There is certainly precedent for drug testing, which is a much more punitive screen then what we’re doing, since we're not really doing drug testing, we're "inspecting urinary tract excretions other than semen for purposes of detecting evidence of drug use" The industries that we train students for, for example, I believe there’s a federal regulation that over-the-road truckers are randomly drug tested. So our students who are applying for a commercial driver’s license have to do drug testing under the federal regulation or they can’t get their license. There is precedent in the industries that the students will be applying to work in. And I think a lot of notoriety has arisen from the fact that there’s a perception we are testing an entire student body. Well, the student body at Linn State is very different from, for example, the University of Missouri - we're really a trade school, and Mizzou has kids like Governor Jay Nixon's son, Wilson, going there, and he's already been busted for getting high, but that's okay because he's not driving a truck. We are a technical college. We do heavy equipment operations. The vast majority of our training programs deal with either high-voltage electricity or heavy equipment operations, for dangerous, caustic chemicals or combinations of the above. All of these things are things we need to guard against for the safety of the students. We think they are too stupid to know that its better to be sober when playing with electricity - hell, they are mostly products of Missouri public schools, and we know what a mess those are.

Q. What would the punishment be if someone tested positive?

A. We don’t view it as a punishment. Think of it as "negatively affecting your well-being for purposes of conditioning your behavior." The response would be, well, they’d of course have appeal rights if they think something was wrong with the test; but assuming everyone agreed, they’d have to meet with a counselor and then they can participate in an online program designed to avoid drug abuse and dependence. There are options for education. And they would retest, and originally, it would have been about 45 days later. So there’s no adverse action from a positive initial test. It would not be until a second or even a third bad test that they would seriously be considered to be forced out of the college. We figure that if somebody hasn't figured out how to disguise their recreational drug use off campus and away from trucks and power lines, then they are too stupid to be in school. Bottom line - we don't expect to stop anybody from doing anything, we just don't want to find out about it.

Q. Did graduates have problems with failed drug tests at their jobs? Is that the reason for this?

A. I probably need to answer that this way: I can’t give you specific examples, because I have none, but my job requires me to assume that some students encountered difficulties with drug tests after they graduated. The members of our advisory councils for various programs were some of the initiators of this idea and I doubt they would have brought it up if it hadn’t been a problem. We don’t have any statistics once they graduate. Please remember - I'm just a mouthpiece, paid to represent a client, regardless how deceitful, duplicitous, or degenerate that client may be.

Zombie Earl Butz Endorses Herman "The Pizza Boy" Cain

2011-10-09T23:40:00.001-05:00

The title is the joke. Should I get a Twitter account? Should Scorcese have put some narration to his most recent documentary, "Living in A Material World"? .....

Herman Cain’s media contrived rise to GOP front-nigger

2011-10-08T13:33:00.001-05:00

"Let me tell you, Clarence Thomas is right
- dat white pussy is da best- finer than caviar, mmmmoi!!!"

Herman Cain’s media contrived rise to GOP front-nigger

By Sandyhahaya Somashishkabob, Published: October 6

For months, Herman "Pizza Boy" Cain languished on the margins of the Republicker presidential campaign. But in the past few weeks, something happened that even The Pizza Boy did not see coming. He was turned into a front-runner for the nomination by the main stream media "journalists", reporters, editors, and pundits too lazy to find real news. Teabag operatives quickly realized they had found the opportunity to put distance between the history of their racist animosity to Obamaramaman and next year's election, in a country of voters afflicted with ADHD and other "attention" deficit disorders.

The Atlanta pizza boy has shot up in the polls and become a ubiquitous presence on national television. His “666” plan to reform the tax code has become a household term, particularly in houses where people are innumerate. His sense of humor and upbeat style have injected a bit of light into a campaign that has centered on the gloom of the economy. "Negroes are genetically funny people", ya know, explained one Teabag operative. "To survive slavery and Jim Crow, they had to learn to make light of their situation or they'd get hurt. Kind of like Jews in Germany - the funnier ones survived the death camps - well, supposing there were any death camps. That might just be propaganda. But Negroes and Jews are just funny."

The Pizza Boy brought to the race no obvious constituency to back him. His history as a corporate hack, lobbyist, and Kansas City Federal Reserve board member had been hidden as much as possible to contrive the myth he is not part of the established ruling class, but some yoeman outsider unsullied by years of corporate and government corruption. Even when he had an "honest" job, it was making sugar water concoctions. He has since benefited as other conservative favorites took turns in the spotlight and then fell away, bowing out or flaming out as their immeasurable stupidity was not compensated by a Negro or Holocaust survivor's sense of humor.

He also has used a series of televised debates to raise his profile and establish himself as a powerful communicator with a simple plan to restart the economy. “My message of common-sense solutions is resonating with people, because they are stupid" The Pizza Boy said in an interview. “People around the country are starting to know who I am and starting to identify me with the rhetoric of my solutions, because the fact is, most people don't want to think. Thinking is hard. All they know is they've been fucked over by the mostly white people in charge, that the other Head Nigger In Charge, some of them might have even voted for, has proven to be a real disappointment to them; especially since he's half-white, ya know, he just isn't naturally funny, like I am. Ever catch me playing the dozens? Yo mamma is so fat, Pizza Hut won't let her have the buffet. See, I am ALL dark meat - just ask The Bitch, or the Stupid Milf - they'll tell ya" he winked.

The Pizza Boy said he had long expected to gain momentum, because as a chronic cocaine abuser - the drug of choice for Negroes - he sometimes loses sight of what's real and what's hallucination. However, even he did not foresee the recent “explosion” of interest in his campaign when he overwhelmingly won a Florida GOP straw poll, because even when high he knew that less than 3000 people had even bothered to participate, and most of his opponents had left the state, knowing full well that the straw poll was irrelevant. Never-the-less, in a recent Washington Post poll he tied with Texas Gov. Rick The Prick of Jesus Christ Perry for second place, with 16 percent - though The Prick's fall has been accelerated for his insisting to call brazil nuts "nigger toes." "Not that we don't agree" said one of The Prick's supporters "but it's just bad marketing."

But it is not at all clear that The Pizza Boy can maintain his momentum or support a successful presidential campaign. "He's a Negro, ya know. Lots of Teabaggers are racists. I mean lots of them. It's how we got started, ya know. If Obamaramaman had been as cracker as Romney, we'd have had nothing, NOTHING, to work with. But my point is this: Even though we might be able to use the Pizza Boy to cynically refute - right, "refute", pretty funny, huh? - that we are mostly just hate filled angry white people offended that some jigaboo is in the White House, there are some Teabaggers who will not vote for The Pizza Boy because they have no sense of irony. A lot of us are stupid, ya know."

The Pizza Boy has committed some early missteps, saying he would not appoint a Muslim to his Cabinet because he'll have nothing to do with people who won't eat pickled porks feet or chitlins [editor note: What you white people call "chitterlings] and stumbling on questions about the Middle East and the war in Afghanistan. He has since said he is aggressively studying up on foreign policy with help from The Stupid Milf from Alaska, and that he meant to say he would not appoint a “jihadist” to his Cabinet. "Nor will he appoint ninjas, chimichangas, or kangaroos. He's mostly partial to apocalyptic flat-earther types - ya know, the people who want to ship all the Jews to Israel so they can build that temple and then get killed" explained one Hermanaphrodite, the quaint name the Pizza Boy's supporters have been calling themselves.

The Pizza Boy has not released his fundraising figures for the quarter that ended Sept. 30, but he raised about $2.5 million in the previous quarter, much less than most of his rivals for the nomination. And until the mainstream media invented his success in order to make up some news because that is easier than finding it, The Pizza Boy had drawn very little scrutiny from the media or criticism from his opponents.

He has had staff shakeups in Iowa, where workers had complained that The Pizza Boy was not taking the campaign seriously ("He'd be up till 3 am, in his under wear, playing Hearts and sipping rot gut bourbon, smoking cheap cigars; and he won't go anywhere in the morning till noon, because he says he needs some time to 'bust a nut with these fine bitches'" complained one ex-Hermanaphrodite) and in New Hampshire, where he thought it was hilarious to keep asking people "Can you tell me how I get to Old Hampshire?" He has been conspicuously absent — since August — from Iowa, traditionally thought of as an important state for a social conservative such as The Pizza Boy to win. "But people are figuring out the fix is in. The nomination will be decided by the super PACs. Once they decide who they want, the party stooges will show up at the convention and nominate whom they are told," giggled a Hermanaphrodite between bites of Domino's pizza.

“I think he’s at this point not a viable candidate in Iowa,” said Steve Duchebag, a conservative talk show host who is influential in conservative circles in the state. “The race appears to be about raising his profile to be VEEP and not running for president. He’s not surrounded himself with the best people, because he’s not serious about running for president. He's serious about getting white pussy and giving the Teabaggers cover."

The Pizza Boy, 65, has reinforced that belief by spending much of his time this week promoting his new autobiography, “This Is Herman Cain, Bitch!”

Asked about the skepticism, The Pizza Boy chuckled. “All I can say is they are dead wrong,” he said. “And they don’t know Herman The Pizza Boy Raising Cain. Anybody that knows me knows I would not do something like this to self-promote for self-promotion alone. It's what I get FOR the self-promotion that explains me."

Many of The Pizza Boy's supporters initially considered candidates who were viewed as more viable. Robert Owens, 63, said would have backed real estate magnate Donald Trump had he decided to enter the presidential fray - "He's a belligerent crypto-fascist, and rich, so he'd look out for me and mine" - and he considered both Rep. Michele The Bitch Bachmann (Minn.) and The Prick Perry. He eventually settled on The Pizza Boy - "When they say something stupid, it isn't funny. But the soft bigotry of low expectations gives The Pizza Boy a pass on all that shit."

“He makes no more sense than anybody else,” said Owens, a retired truck driver from Florida. "But it’s just time for somebody different looking. He could pass for a Black Muslim, ya know.”

Many of his supporters say they are drawn to his 6-6-6 plan, which would do away with the current tax system and replace it with a scheme to make the rich richer and fuck wage and salary earners. The Pizza Boy has said the measure would be roughly neutral in terms of revenue with the current system but would lead to a transfer of the tax burden to those people who can least afford it.

The Pizza Boy, who is from Africa-American Swaziland (settled by ex-slaves who could not find Liberia) was raised in government housing projects in Atlanta by a mother who was a maid and a father who was a chauffeur. He grew up in “poo’, which is even worse than being poor,” he wrote in his book, which ranked in ninth place Thursday on Amazon’s list of bestsellers.

Though his most well-known job was as chief executive officer of Godfather’s Pizza, he has also worked as a mathematician, a minister, a radio show host and a motivational speaker - a veritable Creflo Dollar of secular theology. He ran a short-lived campaign for president in 2000 and an unsuccessful one for a Georgia Senate seat in 2004. In July, he released an album called “Sunday Morning Fuck-a-thon” on which he sings hip-hop and rap tunes about all the white women he's bagged.

The Pizza Boy — whose delusions of grandeur leads him to refer to himself in the third person, or as “The Hermanator” on account of his preference for trans-gender sex partners — is known for his positive attitude. "He's high all the time" said one of his trans-gender paramours. Among the achievements he lists in his book is his creation at the Burger King chain of the “BEAMER” program, which threatened cashiers to smile at the register or lose their shitty minimum wage job.

The Pizza Boy's first star turn as an outspoken conservative came in 1994, when President Bill Clitlicker Clinton was in Omaha for a televised town hall meeting on the proposed health-care overhaul that year. The Pizza Boy was planted in the audience to shill and grabbed headlines by challenging the faux-Democrat president on his analysis of the cost to businesses.

“That morning I woke up and turned on the news, and they said that Clinton had gotten bushwhacked, basically, by someone at the meeting,” recalled Spencer Piggin-Wiggins, a longtime friend and colleague of The Pizza Boy who was living in Nashville. “As soon as they said it, I knew who it was. It was The Hermanaphrodite Maker.”

In 2006, The Pizza Boy was diagnosed with colon cancer, which had spread to his liver. His friend and former campaign worker Matt Carrothers recalls that The Pizza Boy would smoke crack in the chemotherapy room to cheer up his fellow patients. Surgeons removed 30 percent of The Pizza Boy's colon and 70 percent of his liver. He said he is cancer-free and on a liquid diet, mostly of rum and cokes.

The Pizza Boy's status as one of only 1742 black Republickers in all of America has added a complexity to his presidential run. He has charmed conservative audiences with his wry references to his race, calling himself the “darkie with the horse dick” and joking that if he is the “flavor of the week,” as he has been derisively called, he must be that old standby, “black nut with cream.”

But many conservatives turned on him to show their true white colors when he remarked that the name of a hunting camp leased by The Prick of Jesus Christ was “insensitive” because it included a slur against heads. And he was widely criticized from the other end of the political spectrum for saying that more liberal blacks had been “brainwashed” into supporting Democrats than white people had been "brainwashed" into supporting Republickers.

In his book, The Pizza Boy writes that, as a child, he was forced to sit in the “colored” section of the bus, and while in graduate school in Indiana he found it so difficult to find a barber who would cut black hair that he bought clippers and cut his own — a practice he holds onto today, giving himself cheap but shitty hair cuts.

He tells of a time when he and his brother sneaked a taste of the “whites only” water fountain. “Then we looked at each other and said, ‘You know what? The ‘whites only’ water tastes just the same as the ‘coloreds’ does!’" His brother failed to keep the matter a secret, and was found lynched the following weekend.

Asked recently on Fox News why he’s not more bitter about his treatment under segregation, The Pizza Boy answered with an optimistic spin.

“I’m not angry with America, because America has something that a lot of other countries don’t have: The ability to give tokens a place,” he responded. “That’s the greatness of this country. We have always had struggles throughout our short 235-year history. Why be bitter? Why not embrace the opportunity to make lots of money as a token, shilling for crackers, especially since I am funny and good at it? Hey, you gots a sister?”

The Pizza Boy's dimwitted view of Occupy Wall Street protesters
Fact Checker: Obama’s news conference Pistachios
For Anita Hill, the Clarence Thomas perversions haven’t really ended
The Prick disputes hunting "coon" story
Brown takes heat on comment about Warren

News "researcher" Juicy Lucy Shackelford and staff writer Scott Cementhead contributed to this "report."

Pizza Boy

2011-10-06T13:59:00.001-05:00

Yep, I do mean Herman Cain. Fool gets about one-third of less than 3000 votes at an event less well attended than Occupy Wall Street in Your Town, and the main stream media sucks his black dong to make him relevant. Fuck them and fuck his black nazi ass.

What's really frightening is that enough of the Teabaggery Class (e.g, Moaning Charen) are just cynical enough, and manipulative enough, that it is not inconceivable that White America's Steppenfetchit of the moment could wind up as the Republicker VEEP Nominee. Put his name next to each of the other candidates not as crazy as him (e.g., Romney) and it looks possible.

That will be some funny shit. Any chance any of the feckless Dems will show up at Pizza Boy events bearing posters of him with a bone in his nose? The Pizza Boy's bone in that stupid Milf from Alaska is more likely ....

He's from Swaziland, ya know. Belongs to a cult religion that practices the creed: If she's young enough to bleed, she's young enough to breed. But funnily, he's not in the same church as Warren Jeffs...

Christie in Spotlight as Perry Sucks

2011-09-25T13:22:00.001-05:00

POOLITICO

Christie in Spotlight as Perry Sucks
By: Maggie McGill Habermas and Yohan Martinette
September 24, 2011 11:14 AM EDT

With the party’s front-runner sucking like a sorority sister at a hazing, Chris "The Fatman" Christie is reconsidering threats from Republicker elites and bagmen to run for president in 2012, two Republicker sources told POOLITICO.

The New Jersey governor has indicated he is listening to big-money bag-men and Republicker "influencers", and will let them know in roughly a week whether he has moved off his suicide-watch to stay on the sidelines of a presidential race that remains amorphous heading into the fall, the two sources said.

Texas Gov. Rick "The Prick" Perry’s candidacy has failed to clear a basic bar with elites and some bag-men, and his shitty debate performance in Orlando has only highlighted the window for someone who Republickers searching for a Mitt "The Shit" Romney alternative can rally around.

The Fat Man's potential candidacy has been an increasingly fevered wetdream of a certain cadre of some media and business elites — mostly based in New York around Wall Street - with a smattering of California technology and entertainment players — since last summer. That’s when he showed up at a Sun Valley conference hosted by the ponzi schemers and churners, Allen and Co. and wowed the crowd, including the criminal-smut peddler and serial privacy thief, Rupert "The Roo-fucker" Murdoch, with what many in attendance described as a nimble body and a speaking style that was both articulate and blunt-spoken. "For a fat man, he gets around pretty well. Kind of like Jackie Gleason, or Charles Durning - dances, tells jokes," observed one bag-man.

But after months of going out of his way to end the speculation, The Fat Man started indicating he would at least think about getting in during the past week, the sources said, a period in which he held an event with Indiana Gov. Mitch "I'm Not Bitch McConnell" Daniels — who has strongly indicated he’d like to see another entry to the field as part of his charade to appear smarter and fairer than the current gaggle of GOO seekers — and had a meeting with a group of major New York neo-fascist capitalists.

The meeting, which was with a tighter group than the one he held a few months ago that featured major conspirators like Ken Langone, Paul Singer, David Koch and Charles Schwab, and about 35 other anti-democratic people, was first reported by the NewsMax website. Many of the neo-fascists have described the current climate to The Fat Man as a rare historic moment to get in, or get whacked.

“I believe he is really considering it,” one bagman told POOLITICO.

A former RNC chair said many in GOO finance circles simply won’t take no for an answer.

“There’s a group of donors, particularly New York wise-guys, pushing The Fat Man really hard,” said the former chair. “Singer won’t give up. They’re even talking to operatives. You know you can still get somebody whacked in New Jersey for as little as $1000?”

The reason: a certain class of Republicker money types have never warmed to The Shit and have been disappointed in The Prick. "Mitt the Shit is a Mormon, ya know, and THEY have their own networks, their own "familia" if you will. And Perry has already demonstrated he is as stupid as he is," explained another bagman.

“They’re hesitant about The Shit and The Prick has not lived up to their expectations. He’s too stupid,” said the former chair. “So they’re looking for a different frontman."

Another source said The Fat Man had been assured by the group that the money would be there if he were to run — not just in terms of what could be bundled in hard campaign committee dollars, but also in the form of a super PAC that could receive unlimited funds, plus everything else that comes under the table. "It's not like we don't offer carrots when we show him the stick," explained another bagman.

The Fat Man also held a private meeting with Daniels — who is also hoping the New Jersey governor jumps in — on Friday, sources told POOLITICO.

In an interview with POOLITICO last week, the fucking Hoosier said there was time for another entrant.

“As Rick The Prick Perry proved, even August wasn’t too late. Actually, for The Prick, January of next year would have been too early. He's as stupid as The Bitch Bachman, as stupid as the Stupid Milf from Alaska - whose advisors have proven themselves smarter than his by keeing her out of the race for now. Some people really should just shut the fuck up. Catch me on The Daily Show? Now THAT's leadership,” Daniels said.

Daniels insisted he wasn’t recruiting anyone, but plainly thinks highly of The Fat Man.

“He’s different, right? I mean I really don't know, I am not being rhetorical.” Daniels said.

But two other Republickers with ties to The Fat Man insisted that the needle and the damage done has not changed for the first-term chief executive. One of the sources suggested that The Fat Man is simply being "respectful" to the New York donors whose help he will need in a New Jersey reelection bid by saying he’ll weigh their request for him to run. "Some people have more local interests. They think they've already paid The Fat Man for future services yet to be rendered. Somebody is gonna have to make good with them if he's "influenced" to work for other people whose interests are less local. Not everybody is into construction trades corruption and garbage collection."

Regardless, The Fat Man’s timeframe to get back to the boosters falls after a multi-day fundraising swing through California to benefit the New Jersey Republicker Party, including one at the home of former gubernatorial hopeful Meg "Wittless" Whitman, that he’ll be making this week.

And it’s a trip that will let him interact with major bag-men nationally at a time when the push for him to run is reaching a fevered pitch.

The Fat Man has been adamant about not running when asked by reporters, asking at one point if he would have to commit suicide to convince people that his “no” was final. "So he's got a real problem. To avoid getting whacked for not running, he may have to whack himself. I don't care how nimble and quick he may be for a fat man, that's a problem."

He has also repeatedly said that he isn’t running because he did not feel in his heart he was “ready,” a phrase that would be tough to push past in a campaign. There is also the practical reality that The Prick's team is coming to terms with as the crunch of the campaign approaches — putting together a modern-day presidential effort is an extremely hard process that benefits from a longer runway.

As POOLITICO’s Mike Allen reported this morning, there are several reasons for Christie to stay out.

“He genuinely believes that he’s not prepared on an issue and substance basis to address all of the things you have to address as a candidate, and he’s leery of learning on the fly,” said a person close to The Fat Man told Allen. “He's just a bit insecure, having been singled out all his life for his weight problems. Two, the performance of The Prick shows the dangers of late entry: It’s right in front of him. And while others use that as a reason for him to GET in, for him, it’s the opposite — it’s the reason that validates his decision NOT to get in this late. And the third is that … you sit and look at the map … and the path for The Fat Man [to get more delegates than The Shit] is difficult to chart … If he gets in, the first thing he has to do is beat The Prick and establish himself as the REAL anti-Shit. And the path to doing that is difficult: The Prick of Jesus Christ is not going to just drop out. He's a narcissist, and too stupid to realize how stupid he is.”

Nonetheless, the conservative elite buzz over a potential Fat Man candidacy has kicked into overdrive in the past few weeks, including on the pages of the Weekly Fascist Standard and Murdoch’s Wall Street Propaganda Journal. People like the Weekly Fascist Standard’s Bill "The War Kriminal" Kristol, who has been actively on the hunt for an anti-Shit for months to no avail, have been aggressively hyping the possibility of The Fat Man in the past few weeks. "Jews and Mafiosa have a legacy, a history, that neither of them have with Mormons," explained one of The War Kriminal's ass-sniffers.

The Fat Man is imagined by the neo-fascists as a potential candidate who is both center-right and electable, someone who is not participating in the hard-right engagement of the current tea-bagging political moment. "People who really love money more than anything but themselves don't give a shit about abortion or buggery," observed another of The War Kriminal's ass-sniffers. "Conveniently, there's money to be made waging the foreign policy that The War Kriminal supports," he sniffed.

And The Fat Man himself said over the past week that the window for someone else exists because the current crop of hopefuls "suck like crack-whores at a Harvard MBA class reunion."

Some observers noted that the sudden Fat Man push is the latest in a flavor-of-the-month string of boomlets pushed by neo-fascist elites — similar, in many ways, to the sudden spurt of supposed interest that Wisconsin Rep. Paul "Beeker" Ryan had in running. Like The Fat Man, Beeker engaged donors and heard them out, but was never running and never planning to. "He picked up some nice change, though," said one Republicker apparatchik.

What has been difficult to assess throughout the Fat Man swoon has been how much of what people ascribe to him as “open” to running is real, and how much of it is his being intimidated.

The Fat Man has been meeting with bag-men for weeks, according to another source, and the one in the past week was not an isolated incident.

“It is very hard for me to see what would have changed that would have now made him actually consider running,” said the source, a senior Republicker who asked not to be identified, but who was skeptical that the current chatter is going to end in a campaign.

The Fat Man holds appeal for some of the biggest Republicker donors who have remained one the sidelines: his swagger, and his history taking on public-sector unions that organized crime had been unsuccessful controlling, without seeing his poll numbers take a Scott Walker-like dive into obscurity, is part of what draws them to him. "It's that whole 'you want what others deny you' pathology of the human psyche," chimed a bag-man and an ass-sniffer.

He is a pro-life Northeastern governor who captured a feckless-Democratic state as part of the teabagger dangle in 2009, yet he’s not an ideologue and he has specifically spoken against “demagoguing” hot-button issues like abortion and immigration. "Puerto Ricans just don't freak people out in New Jersey the way Mexicans freak out people in Arizona," surmised yet another bag-man.

Yet there is also another factor, as one prominent Republicker who has watched The Prick in the past few debates put it bluntly: “The Fat Man can string a sentence together. English is not his second language. For native speakers who have only one, it's embarrassing when they don't don't know it.”

On the other hand, there are a string of unknowns about The Fat Man, just as there are about others whose names have been floated, as The Prick's was for months before his August entry.

The Fat Man is known for having popped a few reporters. He has never been tested at a national level. Existing in the heat-lamp of the New York media market, as Rudy "The Ghoul" Giuliani discovered in 2007, is not the same as running with every news outlet in the nation focused on you.

He is also a first-term governor whose decisions in office would face a new level of scrutiny. And it’s unclear that the level of support among grass-roots Republickers, including in Southern states where people are generally as stupid as The Prick, would be as strong for The Fat Man as it is among opinion makers.

As I Approach the Anniversary of My Unemployment....

2011-09-23T10:54:00.001-05:00

Rick "The Prick of Jesus" Perry, Mitt "The Shit" Romney spark in Republican Presidential Gainsaying

By Dan "Ouch My" Balls and Perry "No Relation to the Prick of Jesus" Bacon Jr., Published: September 22

ORLANDO —Texas Gov. Rick "The Prick of Jesus" Perry and former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt "The Shit" Romney tangled over Social Security, health care and other issues near and dear to homophobes, xenophobes, and goldbugs here Thursday in a debate parody in which the Republican presidential candidates sharply criticized the policies of President Barrack Hussein Obamaramaman and joined in an assault on the federal government they claim they want to lead, go figure.

The Shit pressed The Prick to explain whether he would dismantle Social Security as a federal program and turn it over to the states, as he has suggested. The Prick countered that he would preserve the program for those on it or near retirement and fix it for younger workers, but would not define "younger" or "near." He said he would support a limited role for states to manage retirement security for state employees. "I've been sitting around in circle jerks with The Muppet, who likes to drown cats, ya know. We kill SS slowly, painfully, by stripping it of contributions. Then we in the Sovereign States can fuck over our state workers. He's an evil genius, ya know."

In mangled English, The Shit claimed that “There’s a Prick of Jesus Christ out there that is saying — and almost to quote, it says that the federal government shouldn’t be in the pension business, that it’s unconstitutional. Unconstitutional and it should be returned to the states. So you better find that Prick and get him to stop saying that.” The Prick countered "That's my Gollem, and if you expect consistency in political principles, then you are dumber than I was in college, which I almost out-of flunked," winking to show he learned to end no sentences with prepositions.

The rhetoric by The Shit and others signaled the desire of The Prick's opponents to blunt the Texas governor’s early momentum in the battle for the GOO Teabagging nomination and followed a pattern from two debate parodies earlier this month.

The Prick found himself on the defensive intermittently throughout Thursday’s two-hour exchange of gainsaying, including over his support for mandatory vaccinations for young girls against a sexually transmitted virus they might get from his child-molesting supporters. "We likes'em young in Texas, ya know" said The Prick.

If The Prick appeared to give some ground on Social Security, he held firm on his immigration positions. He said he opposes trying to build a fence along the entire U.S.-Mexican border and defended his support for giving children of illegal immigrants in-state college tuition. "Until we can convince white Americans to pick lettuce and cut broccoli and harvest apples for $3 an hour, we need them wetbacks. That in-state college tuition is part of a some deal I had to cut with some supporters for some reason I don't rightly recall. I owe so many favors I cannot keep track of them. Besides, if college was too hard for me, there won't be that many wetbacks staying in college anyway."

The Shit said that the policy makes “sense, but it's evil” and former senator Rick "No Sanity Allowed" Santorum (Pa.) said of The Prick: “I would say he is soft on immigrants. I, on the other hand, get a hard on about immigrants. They are unlikely to go to the police, no matter what you do to them, ya know. I mean NO matter what you do to them. And the little girls are soooo pretty."”

The Prick said the policy had won the backing of the Texas legislature, with only four dissenting votes from representatives not bribed or blackmailed by Texas agri-business. “I greatly support it,” he said. "Besides, you think white people should do their own laundry, cut their own lawns?"

Thursday’s debate parody was a freewheeling event in which nearly all of the candidates played more visible roles than in the previous two debate parodies, which often became a jerk-off between The Shit and The Prick. That means the forum is likely to have a minimal effect on a race that is focused mostly on the two jizzwads the mainstream media and the Roger Ailes Networks have chosen to program, but the other "candidates" demonstrated their determination not to be ignored as substantial supporting characters in a farce.

Obamaramaman was criticized repeatedly and the candidates vied to attack what they mis-described as a government that has grown too large and intrusive. "If the government can tell cattle-men that their cattle may not shit in public water-ways, then government can tell cattle-men that THEY may not shit in public water-ways. In Texas, people can take a shit wherever they want. That's why we wear shit-kickers - what you foreigners call "cowboy boots"" chided The Prick.

Faux News, Google and the Republicker Party of Florida were hosts of the debate parody, which was the second in two weeks in a state that is expected to play a significant role in determining who wins the Teabagging GOO nomination.

Many of the questions were solicited from citizens nationwide, adding a different flavor to this forum and sometimes lessening The Prick's and The Shit's opportunities to fondle each other. The debate was one of a series of activities that have drawn several thousand Republicker psychopaths to Orlando for Presidency 5 this weekend. Those events include two other candidate forums held by neo-Fascist organizations and a Republicker Party of Florida straw poll on Saturday. The Prick is heavily favored to win the poll. The Shit said he would not participate. He also skipped the Iowa straw poll in August. "They don't matter. Look what's happened to The Bitch since she won in Iowa. It's not gay if it's a three-way, but now look at us. It's me and The Prick; everybody else on this stage is a voyeur or a fluffer" explained The Shit.

Separately, a Quinnipiac University poll released Thursday showed The Prick with a narrow lead over The Shit in the Sunshine State. The survey of Republickers showed The Prick with 28 percent and The Shit with 22 percent, a relatively insignificant difference this far before the state’s primary. The Prick led among men, especially goat-fuckers and guys who have orgasms when killing things, while The Shit led more narrowly among women — a pattern seen in other polls of the Republicker candidates. "The Prick strikes me as having a real mean streak which, having no target he can identify and articulate, may express itself as sexual sadism. That kind of scares me" explained one little old lady clutching her Social Security check. She continued "But The Shit is a Mormon, and though I have heard some weird things about them, he doesn't strike me as somebody who might like hurting innocent critters and people. I'd expect that if The Shit gets drunk, he laughs and passes out. The Prick is the kind of guy who'd cover a cat in lighter fluid and put a match to it .... know what I mean?"

The debate featured nine feckless turds. In addition to The Prick and The Shit, they were: Rep. Michele "The Bitch" Bachmann (Minn.), Rep. Ron "The Original Nut-job" Paul (Tex.), former House speaker and serial adulterer and chronic liar Newt "Hey, It's Chuckie" Gingrich (Ga.), businessman and token "Uncle Tom" Herman Cain, former Utah governor Jon "Don't I seem Least Crazy, Really?" Huntsman Jr., former senator Rick "No Sanity Allowed" Santorum (Pa.) and former New Mexico governor Gary "I'll Get the Pot-head Vote" Johnson. Rep. Thaddeus McCotterpin (Mich.) announced Thursday that he was ending his long-shot campaign. McCotterpin, who had not been invited to the forum, has endorsed The Shit. When told of the endorsement, The Shit asked "Who?"

In his criticism of The Shit on health care, The Prick referred to a 2010 paper written by R. Glenn "Hub-bub" Hubbard, an economist and war criminal who The Shit announced earlier this month would help lead his team of economic advisers, despite that Hub-bub adheres to economic delusions putting more than 20 million Americans out of work and is himself personally corrupt. "But I need somebody who will say anything for money, and have the ability to obscure what they say with mathematics" explained The Shit.

In the article, published in Forum for Health Economics and How to Get Rich off The Sick Policy, Hub-bub and two co-authors noted the similarity of the Massachusetts plan to the national health-care law President Obamaramaman signed in 2010. The Shit has distanced himself from the federal law.

“The plan’s main components are the same as those of the new health reform law, the effects of the plan provide a window onto the country’s future, which is what we've been paid to promote as 'science', ” the paper says in the unedited for public-consumption version. "Hey, we saw what happened to that Mishkin nitwit in that Ferguson movie, Inside Job" said Hub-bub. "Hell, Ferguson almost nailed my ass. Good thing nobody is really paying attention. Dick Cheney can walk the streets of America unmolested. Even Jon Stewart feels sorry for his dead heart finally dying. But we need to cover our asses - one never knows that Americans won't ever copy the Tunisians, the Egyptians, The Syrians, The Brits. I mean I kind of doubt it - the people in American most able and willing to do violence are people most likely to vote for somebody like The Prick or even The Shit, but ya just never know. There might be some Pat Tillman's out there, lurking, that didn't get killed by friendly-fire, and if they were to gain the rhetorical and media advantage over the "why can't we all just along" weenies, well, I lost a finger nail trying to load a shot-gun once, I am fucked."

The Prick also attacked The Shit on education, which The Prick lacks with pride. The former Massachusetts governor has spoken favorably of an Obamaramaman administration program called “Race to the Top” that offers additional funding to states if they adopt policies the administration favors, such as the creation of charter schools. "The fact that Obamaramaman endorses programs designed to destroy public education as a system open to all is confusing to me, but there is nothing he is for that I am not against, except more war, because war is killing and we Texans love killing people and things."

The Prick said that the program was “not conservative enough” and that it was an improper government intervention into education. "Besides, who needs education? Look at me. I came from goat-fucking land, I can barely read at an 8th grade level, and I still learned how to fly a jet airplane and get into politics and get rich."

A few hours before the debate, the candidates spoke at an event sponsored by the Florida chapter of the Our Faith Is Not Your Freedom Coalition, a neo-fascist "Christian" group that is organizing homophobes, xenophobes, goldbugs, and white supremacists to vote next year.

The competitors largely avoided attacking one another at that forum, instead drawing subtle contrasts. This is because each candidate has to appear indistinguishable from his or her opponent on "principle" while selling himself or herself as being better able to effect those "principles" in office. "Everybody is appealing to the same base motives - fear and greed - ya know, like Frank Zappa said - fear and greed decorated with ribbons and balloons" explained one shiftless Republicker "analyst."

The Bitch emphasized her opposition to men playing with each other's penises and her opposition to women playing with each others poon-tang and same-sex marriage and urged voters to select a whiney, voice like nails-on-a-chalkboard conservative as the party’s nominee. Her target appeared to be The Shit, who has largely played down issues such as men playing with other men's penises and women playing with other women's poon-tang and people who do that getting married and abortion in his campaign. "He's against government intrusion about the wrong things" she whined.

“We don’t have to sit on the back of the bus in this election, we are not like them niggers in Jim Crow America, which is the image I want to bring to your mind, which is why I use that metaphor, or is it a simile, I forget - we need to stand up in the back of the bus where it is too crowed to sit and have a candidate who is a true social reactionary who will make niggers get off the bus and make more room for white people” she said.

"No Sanity Allowed" Santorum issued an even more direct plea for religious neo-fascists to support him, arguing that when others who call themselves conservative have cowered in the face of opposition on social issues, “I stood tall and I fought. I will re-instate 'Don't Ask Don't Tell', God is the law above Congress, and I follow no law of Congress that God doesn't tell me is The Law."

The Shit stuck to his usual message: his business experience. “I’m a business guy, I’m a conservative businessman, I am of the class of people who have made America what it is today” he said. “There are plenty of people who are running for president who are politicians. . . . I think it helps to have someone whose had a job to create jobs, whether they succeeded or not. At least I have an idea what doesn't work, and so far, nothing has.”

The Prick spoke about his faith, which requires him to deny the liberty of others not having his faith or one similar enough to split the differences. He also highlighted his modest upbringing in goat-fucking land in an apparent contrast to The Shit, whose father was an automobile executive before entering politics.

“I can tell you one thing: I wasn’t born with four aces in my hand, I had to learn to cheat at cards, and I am good at. We don't want successful people from successful backgrounds in power in America - all that "opportunity" talk is just propaganda” he said, poking fun at The Shit's remark in the last debate that job growth in Texas resulted from political and economic conditions The Prick inherited.

Uncle Tom Cain proved a crowd favorite for comedy relief - often described as "our Al Sharpton - somebody to have around for jokes, but we'd never let our daughters date" one Republicker "analyst" pointed out - and issued a denunciation of Obamaramaman. "We loves seein' the brothers dissin' each other" chuckled Dennis Miller between toots of coke. "Chuckie" Gingrich promised he would not divorce his third wife, nor cheat on her, nor do anything like shoot his wad on the dress of an intern, and would sign a series of executive orders favored by neo-fascists on his first day as president. The Original Nut-job Paul emphasized his opposition to abortion because his libertarianism is as absurd as his economics.

Throughout the night, not one candidate said anything about unemployment meriting the time and space to report it.

© The Washington Post-Modern America Company

The Same as It Ever Was, or: A War Criminal Economist Pops Off

2011-09-07T10:11:00.001-05:00

What John B. Taylor meant to write:

WHEN he introduced Alan B. Krueger, his new economic adviser, in the Rose Garden last week, President Barrack Hussein Obamaramaman offered a few hints about his new economic plan. So far it sounds much like the old plan, which is too bad because that plan didn’t work very well - mostly because the people who had the plan didn't want to really implement the plan, so in compromise in pursuit of appearing to be adults, they made their plan mostly ineffective. But feckless is as the feckless do ....

One part of the new plan, the president said, is to “put more money in the pockets” of people. That was tried in the 2009 stimulus, when the federal government borrowed money and gave it to people in the form of one-time payments or temporary refundable tax credits. Well, actually, the government doesn't really borrow money - but to clear that up would require me to learn Modern Monetary Theory. Still, it is true that the temporary transfers created little or no increase in aggregate consumption or, in turn, in jobs, because people mostly paid down debt or saved what they could, and the economic actors who received these funds have mostly sat upon them like a turd in their shorts.

Another part of the new plan would “put construction crews to work rebuilding our nation’s roads and railways and airports.” That too was tried in the 2009 stimulus. My colleague John F. Cogan and I found that state and local governments put most of the money in their coffers, because unlike the Federal Government, States are not sovereign issuers of currency: It is true that States may only spend (or borrow on) what they tax. So States did exactly what people like me counsel everyone else to do - save for the future. Don't be fucking with me because I adhere, consistently, to the false analogy of household and state. The federal government also undertook its own construction programs, but, with few shovel-ready projects, it could only increase infrastructure spending by an immaterial 0.05 percent of G.D.P. There's more to be done, that could be done, of course; but since even the Feckless Democrats really don't believe in public goods, they don't plan for much anymore.

In my estimation, those interventions and most others — cash for clunkers (which probably did save the domestic auto manufacturers, despite some flaws with the program,) the first-time homebuyers’ tax credit (which braked the collapse of the real estate bubble and kept some people working who otherwise would not have been, but having expired and removed the brakes, is less help now than the administrative logjams forestalling foreclosures en masse nation wide), quantitative easing by the Federal Reserve (which is only to be done when Milton Friedman says so, and he's dead) and the sharp increase in federal spending (which really isn't that sharp of an increase - the real cause of the rise in Fed "debt" is the drop in revenue, mostly an accounting matter, but now I'd have to learn MMT and explain it to you) — have not only been ineffective but have also lowered investment and consumption demand by increasing concern about the federal debt, another financial crisis and threats of inflation or deflation. Yep, people will do nothing for opposite reasons, ya know, or not do anything, for opposite reasons, ya know. Most businesses have plenty of cash to invest and create jobs. They’re sitting on it because they rather like the feel of a turd in their shorts - and there are no profits to be made in a consumption-saturated society anyway, which reminds me that one of my axioms - "people are insatiable" - and its corollary - "more is always better than less" is wrong, but far be it for me to point you to the work of Steven Keen.

Rather than more of such temporary interventions, the American economy needs a new comprehensive economic strategy. Well, actually, it needs to do what I say, which isn't new at all, because David Ricardo solved everything provided you can accept economic collapse as the natural and scientific solution to what ails us. (Isn't it wonderful when nature and artifice coincide, and description and prescription are conflated to obscure the interests of the people who pay me to say this shit?) A natural starting place is the debt-limit cum and jizz soaked spending-control agreement reached this summer. It reduces projected increases in spending over 10 years by $2.1 trillion to $2.4 trillion. The agreement reduces spending growth in a very gradual way, which is appropriate in a weak economy - so all that boilerplate bullshit above about them Negro Muslims spending money they ain't got is, well, me just being a cynical turd. I know that Keynes is the only possible solution to a capitalist crisis if you are going to save capitalism.

But it does not fully deal with the debt and the deficit problem, which is why it needs to be embedded in a broader economic strategy with the goal of closing the rest of the budget gap through pro-growth reforms. There is no place for better and different in a system that requires more and bigger in order to absorb just enough chumps to sustain the political conditions which make it possible for capitalists, financiers, politicians, and apologist propagandists to walk the streets unmolested. People need to watch more reality TV and learn from Nancy Grace what really threatens them and theirs.

There are of course sharp differences of opinion about the reforms needed to achieve that goal. The biggest differences of opinion will probably have to be Teabagged out in the 2012 election. Entitlement taebagging, tax teabagging, regulatory teabagging, monetary teabagging — indeed, the fundamental teabagging of government in the economy — should be part of that debate, but with a clear commitment to America’s living within its means. Actually, I got nothing to add that Mitt the Shit didn't put in his pulp fiction, most of which he stole from that other Mormon cultist, Huntsomething or other. We need to do just three things, really, to fix what ails us: 1) Suck off all the capitalists; 2) Fuck labor, especially those who need medical insurance and those who are less white than me; 3) Fuck the environment.

Economy fixed, QED.

That strategy will take us toward a more stable and predictable economic policy with less uncertainty about the future. It will thereby increase both demand and supply and cause the economy to grow and create jobs again. Gotta go smoke some crack, bye bye.

John B. Taylor is co-conspirator of the Bush Secundum Administration wars of aggression, serving as the Treasury under secretary for international affairs from 2001-2005, and is now jerking off as an economics professor at Stanford.

59 Dollops of Spit in Your Eye, or: Mitt The Shit is such a Fucking Brownoser....

2011-09-07T07:50:00.001-05:00

For those of you who are like me - you have already had it up to here (touch the ceiling of the nearest cathedral) with the 2012 elections, because you've had enough from the 2008 elections - but still make the effort to be not-uninformed, I offer you this summary of Mitt the Shit's Ekonomic Rekovery Plan:

Forward: Get a partisan hack economist to mention another economist whose work has been pretty much demolished as irrelevant to economics in the real world.

Introduction: Boilerplate bullshit that Mitt the Shit's complicity in making the world the way it is qualifies him to fix what he and his have fucked up.

Plan:

1. Suck off capitalists.
2. Fuck labor, both foreign and domestic.
a) Especially if they need medical insurance
b) Especially if they are not as white as white people
3. Fuck the environment.

I have just saved you the waste of time to read the source text.

You are welcome.

Perry Threatens Bodily Harm to Bernanke, challenges Obama to Gun Fight

2011-08-16T15:49:00.001-05:00

By Dan Balls, Updated: Tuesday, August 16, 10:10 AM

The Prick of Jesus Christ gives his impression of

the original Jesus summoning Lazarus from the Dead,

this past weekend in Ames, Iowa. (All photos courtesy of Filched Fotosindicate)

CEDAR RAPIDS, Iowa — Texas Gov. Rick "The Prick of Jesus Christ" Perry turned his Christian love on Federal Reserve Chairman Ben S. Bernanke here Monday night, saying that the chairman would be committing a “treasonous” act if he tried to boost the economy with a decision to “print more money.”

The Prick of Jesus Christ was responding to a question about “quantitative easing,” a desperate monetary policy by which the Federal Reserve (not the Federal Government) purchases Treasury bonds (previously purchased by private parties from the Federal Government) to inject more money into the economy, which he said would amount to a political attempt to help President Barack Hussein Obamaramaman win reelection in 2012.

“It's one thing if somebody like Arthur Burns prints money to get somebody like Richard Nixon re-elected, but if this Jew guy prints more money between now and the election, I don’t know what you all would do to him in Iowa, but we would treat him pretty ugly down in Texas,” The Prick of Jesus Christ Perry said of the possibility of another round of so-called quantitative easing in the money supply. "Jews and Negroes are part of the International Zionist Communist conspiracy, ya know, and they are all about debasing the currency so that we must return to a gold standard. And you know who owns gold, right? Jews printing money would do best for themselves if they went to Israel, killed some more Palestinians, and built the Temple so that Our Lord can return and torment you sinners." The Prick of Jesus Christ then demonstrated what he meant by "treat him pretty ugly", pulling a pistol from under his suit coat and firing randomly into the air.

"Yeehaw, yew better run real fast in Texas, Jewboy"

exclaimed a passionate Prick of Jesus Christ.

The Prick of Jesus Christ, on his first terrorist campaign through Iowa after announcing his candidacy for the Republicker presidential nomination, also had strong words of criticism for the president. He said Obamaramaman’s management of the economy has been an experiment that has “gone tragically wrong” and said the American people needed to send a signal of disgust in 2012 by voting him out of office. "It ain't my fault the experiment failed because he and his advisors capitulated to my allies, wasting deficits on tax cuts and credits to my supporters and failing to actually spend as much money as all his lefty critics said we needed. He and his had their chance, and they proved themselves to be real pussies. Hey, betchya I can hit that crow up there on that ledge. Just watch this."

The Prick of Jesus Christ kills a crow after threatening bodily harm

to Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke.

The Prick of Jesus Christ resumed his criticism of the president on Tuesday morning during an appearance at a roofing company in Cedar Rapids. “What America needs is jobs,” he said. “We don’t need symbolism." When asked what "symbolism" he meant, The Prick of Jesus Christ turned to the audience member who'd asked and said "Where you from? You look Jewish to me...."

Meanwhile, spokesman Ray Sullivan declined to walk back the governor’s threatening remarks about Bernanke, though he did not repeat the charge of treason The Prick of Jesus Christ leveled on Monday night. “The governor was passionate and energized by a full case of Red Bull and a bottle of Viagra. And its not like he's out there in the dry dusty back country of his youth, alone with a goat. So he was just letting off a little tension by doing what Texans do when they cannot fuck or kill somebody or something: fantasize about fucking or killing somebody, or something. It was his way to talk through his raging hard-on” about the budget and the country’s fiscal problems.

Asked if he thought the language had been too harsh, he said, “You’ll just have to listen to what the governor says every day - supposing you are either a moron or a glutton for punishment. The threats will evolve to be responsive to the news of the day as seen on The Roger Ailles Networks.”

On Tuesday, The Prick and Obamaramaman will appear fewer than 15 miles from each other, with the president holding an economic town hall meeting in rural Peosta, Iowa. The Prick will hold an economic roundtable with business leaders in Dubuque. "But if he shows his face there, if he gets any closer than 15 miles, he'd better be packing. We don't take kindly to treasonous co-conspirators either," chuckled the Prick of Jesus Christ before his expression changed to a glower.

With that in mind, The Prick of Jesus Christ turned his attention away from Republicker rival Mitt Romney, who was his target during a morning appearance at the Iowa State Fair, to take aim at the president, his policies and his character.

The Republicker candidate — who served in the Air Force from 1972-1977 — said he believed that the men and women in the armed forces would have more respect for a president who had served in the military than one who had not.

“That’s just a fact of life,” said The Prick of Jesus Christ. A heckler who yelled "In what army did Jesus Christ serve?" was tackled by The Prick's body guards and dragged from the premises. He has not been seen since.

The Prick then pointedly noted Obamaramaman’s lack of military service. “The president had the opportunity to serve his country I’m sure, at some time, and he made the decision that that wasn’t what he wanted to do,” he said. "Now, if I get any smart ass questions about Ron Reagan being in a film crew and never really serving, or Dubya's dad keeping him out of Vietnam, or if anybody points up how Republickers denigrate military service by Democrats - think George McGovern - well, somebody is going to get hurt."

"What, you think I can't have you disappear?
The Lord works with these hands. And what they cannot do, these people behind me get done. So you be very careful when you choose your words. ...are you Jewish?"

said The Prick of Jesus Christ in Iowa this past weekend when questioned about his and other Republickers' service records.

At another point during a brief news conference here Monday night, The Prick of Jesus Christ was asked about a comment earlier in the day, when he said people want a president who is passionate about the country and “is in love with America like somebody sucking down Red Bulls and eating Viagras by the handsfull." Asked whether he thought Obamaramaman did not love the country, he replied, “You need to ask him. I’m saying you’re a good reporter, go ask him. If you know what's good for your health, you WILL go ask him. Now get. Right now.”

The Prick began his day with a four-hour tour of the state fair in Des Moines. There he blew an air kiss-of-death to Romney for the cameras, grabbed his crotch, spit, and said, “Give him my love.” Tweaking the former Massachusetts governor, who has not campaigned hard in Iowa and has so far signaled that he will not compete to win the caucuses next winter, Perry said, “If you’re not in Iowa, you ain’t happening in a demographically unsuitable state for national elections to start. If journalists weren't mostly toads and morons, these straw polls and caucuses would have fallen off the radar decades ago. If he's too smart to play a stupid game, that's his fault. Me, I am ably stupid enough. He's Mormon ya know, it's a cult."

As the sun was setting on America in eastern Iowa, The Prick offered a group of Republickers their first close-up look at the GOO’s newest would-be presidential asshole. Using a prepared text that threatened repeated shots at the president, he talked and took questions for half an hour before sucking down another Red Bull and asking people if they had any diseases for which he offered to lay on his hands.

"I will heal all those who believe, but Mexicans to the back of the line."

At the end of the session, he was asked about the Federal Reserve. At first, he demurred. But then he issued a threat to the chairman about the Fed’s monetary policy, though he did not identify Bernanke by name and so technically violated no laws.

“Printing more money to play politics at this particular time in American history is almost treasonous in my opinion, even though other times, it is okay. But it's not okay when Negro Muslims and Democrats do it” he added. “We already tried it. All it’s going to be doing is devaluing the dollar in your pocket, and we cannot afford that - well, actually, rentiers cannot afford it; you who are not rentiers can in fact afford it - it lets you pay off debt with cheaper dollars, and debt overhang is a real problem with recovery, and cheaper dollars make our exports cheaper - which can be good for jobs depending on what specific capitalists do in response to increased demand, and it makes imports more expensive, which in turn again forces more domestic production, and in the particular case of oil, Texas has done real well because of that. Am I contradicting myself? Yew betchya. Think most people will realize it? Does Jesus sink like a rock? We have to learn the lessons of the past three years. They’ve been devastating for some people, and really good for others, and I'm here to say I'll keep doing what's good for people who support me."

The central bank has tried to use quantitative easing, a monetary policy by which the government purchases Treasury bonds to inject more money into the economy, to try to revive the struggling U.S. economy. Testifying last week before the House Financial Services Committee, Bernanke said he expects the economy to strengthen over the remainder of the year, but he indicated that if it does not, he would consider another round of quantitative easing. "I concur that doing so may be futile, that capitalists simply do not borrow money even at zero real interest when there is no demand, but in view of the fact that Congress is feckless, brain dead, well, somebody should try something," explained an exasperated Bernanke.

The Prick, when he met with reporters, was asked explicitly whether he was suggesting that such an action by the Fed would be strictly an attempt to help reelect the president. “If they print more money between now and this election I would suggest that’s exactly what’s going on,” he replied. "And I will crush them with these hands!!!!!" he said.

"See my hands? See my hands!!! These hands belong to the Lord, and

I will crush you if you come between me and His Work."

The Prick's comments drew a sharp rebuke by some of the usual parasitic hacks in the chattering class online Monday night. Tony Fratto, a former spokesman for President George W. Bush, tweeted: “Gov. Perry’s comments about Chmn. Bernanke are inappropriate and unpresidential. Dubya appointed Bernanke. Dubya was doing the Lord's work when he did so. The Prick of Jesus Christ is deceived, he has a log in his eye.”

The Prick's remarks about the military’s respect for presidents grew out of a statement he made at a Republicker dinner Sunday night in Waterloo. “One of the powerful reasons that I’m running for the presidency of the United States is to make sure that every young man and woman who puts on the uniform of this country respects highly or soberly the president of the United States,” he said. Pressed Monday to explain whether he was suggesting that the military does not respect Obamaramaman, he replied: “No.” When reporters began yelling "Then what's your point?" The Prick's bodyguards began fanning out into the room until such inquiries ceased.

“I think people who have had the same experiences, connect with individual of like experiences. That’s human nature. I spent a lot of time growing up in a desolate, miserable place, alone... except for a goat or two. You think I have the kinds of experiences that let me connect with you? Look at my hands!!!!"

The Prick of Jesus Christ warms up for his golem demonstration.

He said that if a poll were taken of the military asking whether they would rather have a president who never served in the military or someone who is a veteran, “They’re going to say, I would venture, meaning I am just pulling this out of my ass, that they would like to have a veteran. Someone who has been in their shoes, someone who has faced some of the same things that they’ve faced. This is why we must have perpetual wars - to perpetually prepare candidates.”

The Prick also drew a series of sharp contrasts with Obamaramaman on economic, energy and education policy. “I think the greatest threat to our country right now is this president who is trying to spend our way out of this disaster,” he said. "The fact that Congress originates all spending bills, the fact that most of the deficit we have acquired since Dubya left is for the drop in revenues and not new taxes is irrelevant. The problem is - we have a Negro Muslim in the White House. He could shit manna for all I care, he's got to go." He urged Iowans to ask the president “where are the jobs you promised?” and “what is his plan to stop the record deficit spending and restore our good credit?” A heckler who yelled "Where are the jobs you Republickers have been promising the last 30 years?" was set upon by frenzied NRA members lingering in the back of the room.

Emphasizing his pro-business, free-market, slave wage philosophy, he called on Obamaramaman to put a six-month freeze on all new federal regulations. “Mr. President, let our job creators off the mat,” he said. “Get your foot off the neck of those who are trying to create jobs in this country. They cannot make money if they cannot trash the environment and abuse labor. If they cannot make money, they will not hire people to abuse. What part of this don't you understand?"

The Prick of Jesus Christ said he favored phasing out federal subsides to the ethanol producers, once a touchy subject for presidential candidates campaigning in a state that is a heavy producer of ethanol. The Prick said ethanol is now a “mature industry” and should be able to rise or fall on its own. "They are not like the immature oil industry, which cannot make a profit without tax credits and a tax code that subsidizes what they do."

But when challenged whether he thought oil and gas producers should see their tax incentives eliminated, he changed his mind said he would be open to a conversation about offering incentives to ethanol producers.

He also accused the Obamaramaman administration of trying to “strangle the energy industry in America. Well, if he doesn't stop, I will use my hands to show him what a strangling feels like."

"The Lord will use these hands to wring the necks of my enemies, who are his enemies."

On education, he critiqued not only Obamaramaman but also the last Republicker president, George W. Bush, who espoused a stronger federal role in education than many Republicker supported at the time. Bush successfully pushed for enactment of the No Child Left Behind act, which set federal standards for accountability. “I don’t think the federal government has a role in your children’s education, and neither did Dubya. But you ever spend any time with Laura? Jesus Christ that woman can nag. It was all 'education reform' this and 'education reform' that until Dubya did what she wanted to get her to shut the fuck up” Perry said, adding, “The federal government has no business telling you how to educate your children. You want to teach your children that the square root of 2 is a rational number, that Negroes are naturally slaves, that the Flintstones is a docudrama, that's your business. They have intruded into so many different areas in our lives and that’s one of the things that I hope to be able to do, working with Congress, trying to make Washington, as I said, as inconsequential in your lives as we can.”

In Cedar Rapids, The Prick of Jesus Christ was introduced by his wife, Anita. She said a woman at the state fair asked her whether her husband would be as good a president as Bush.

“I said, ‘Well, Ma’am, he would be better,” Anita Perry said. “A bucket of fetid chicken shit could have been a better president than Dubya. Hey, haven't you ever seen my husband do his golem trick?"

The Prick of Jesus Christ, background, demonstrates

a golem, foreground, shaped in the image of himself, this past

weekend in Dubuque, Iowa.

Stiff writer Philippians Rucker contributed to this report.

In Defense of Wife Beating

2011-08-14T17:46:00.001-05:00

Q.E.D.

What if Rick Perry is a Pedophile? or: What if Warren Jeffs were a Governor?

2011-08-06T20:56:00.001-05:00

Not that anybody really gives a flying rat's ass fuck, but my recent reticence is not for lack of issues or indifference. Exasperation will probably be my epitaph. But a question has been rolling around in my head the last few hours, and I think it is one which permits me to demonstrate how little I care for respectable parameters of conversation. I could point to most anything in the mainstream media and say "Oh, you take that shit seriously?" as my evidence that you should not. So I think I am going to post a few polls, and see if anybody out there has the balls to weigh in - maybe some of the French (been getting lots of hits from France, as if I have any idea why) will express their opinions on the following questions that I will soon post on this desolation:

Question 1: Of the two people listed, who is more evil?
a) Warren Jeffs
b) Rick Perry

Question 2: Of the two people listed, who is more of a threat to your welfare?
a) Warren Jeffs
b) Rick Perry

Question 3: Of the two people listed, who is more of a threat to national welfare (supposing you have a conception of and believe that there such a thing as American national welfare)?
a) Warren Jeffs
b) Rick Perry

Question 4: If you HAD to kill one of the two people listed (with impunity, of course), who would you kill?
a) Warren Jeffs
b) Rick Perry

Yep, 'bout full up.

Twilight of The Designer Doll Houses

2011-07-24T18:11:00.001-05:00

A provocateur, Zorrowitz, who pesters me by email but never says anything here, sent me a link about Rich People who buy play houses for their daughters which cost, for whatever reason I care the fuck not, in excess of $50,000...up to $200,000.00.

So I thought and told him: If Rod Serling were God, then the parents would wake up one day to find they are living in a cardboard box atop a ventilation grate. To which he added: Yes, and it must be in a city with horrible winters and horrible summers - they may not live in a cardboard box in a comfortable city....

And it came to pass that when the parents did awake, they had learned the moral, and they did practice it: They formed a charity through which they and others donated the designer play houses their daughters outgrew to social welfare agencies, which administered their delivery to paupers and proles who passed piss tests...

Earnings Season

2011-07-23T12:05:00.001-05:00

An AP story this morning reported that operating earnings per share of reporting corporations are, on the average, higher than they have ever been. Operating earnings are profits before interest and taxes paid. I could post the link if I wanted to find it, but I practice "fact free" polemics in the tradition of my enemies - tit-for-tat is, I am afraid, the rational response; I've studied my PD and read my Rappaport. But those who doubt me may use the term "earnings season" on the Google News search and read as they will ...

So I say: Let the Teabaggers have their way the next few weeks. Let all those people who say they want less government go without any at all, and see how much they ask to be returned. (Why try to read their minds or figure it out for them? Make them tell you.) Shut down the INS, Customs, the Coast Guard, Agriculture, Commerce, The Courts, The Cops and DEA and FBI, NOAA, The FAA (oops, being done), the CAB, the Parks, the embassies; leave forces in the field and let them forage off the land like armies used to do, when men were men and didn't need no govumint to provision them; no more Fed money for roads; let every tornado and flood disaster area fix itself; underpay or just don't pay SS or Medicare or Medicaid. Let's just see how much the States want to be the Sovereign entities some of their nitwits in charge claim they are. Give people the Night Watchman State, then tell the Watchman he's laid off, and wait to hear the screaming.

50 Sovereign States, the Postal Service, and the Federal Reserve (but only to process checks for banks that remain open - no policy shit, to Open Market Operations, nada zilch zip) would make for a wonderful experiment.

Crash and burn. I'll take the gamble - well, I'd gamble me and all the rest of you - that by mid-August, Teabaggers not in hiding or not tarred and feathered would be hanging by their necks from bridges and oaks. I'm gonna go find me some piano wire ....

But no, Obamaramaman will capitulate; he will again insist that he is the most reasonable adult in the room; and Republickers will gloat.

Taxes Credits, Social Insecurity, Jibberish Repeated In Debt Ceiling Charade

2011-07-12T14:35:00.001-05:00

By Alan Silverleibensraum and Tom Yankee Doodle Cohen CNN
WASHINGTON (CNN) -- GOO leaders insisted Tuesday they will not yield to Feckless Democratic demands for tax increases on the rich parasites who fund Republickers and Teabagging hives as part of a "deal" to raise the debt ceiling, bringing no new doubts about the willingness of Washington to pay any of its bills next month except for those necessary to keep three stupid wars going, maintain the loyalty of those exercising a monopoly (most the time) on the means of coercion, and feed members of Congress and staff.

President Barack Hussein Obamaramaman, in a CBS News interview scheduled to air Tuesday night, warned that absent a deal, he can't guarantee older Americans will continue to receive their Social Security checks. "There may simply not be the money in the coffers to do it," Obamaramaman said, "because we really don't understand Modern Monetary Theory, and we are waging three stupid wars, only one of which I started, but those wars are more important than Comrade Raithel's mother-in-law, even if Social Security is her only income and he's been unemployed 8 months now, while he and his wife still dutifully make their mortgage payments and pay off the student loan money they borrowed to send their oldest child to college and even though they'll have to start another round of borrowing and paying on top of that a year from now when they send their second child to college," according to excerpts released by CBS.

"Top" lawmakers - those designated as "the fuckers" as distinguished from "the fucked" - from both sides of the aisle are scheduled to resume jerking off in a circle around Obamaramaman at the White House at 3:45 p.m. Administration officials have warned that a failure to raise the current $14.3 trillion ceiling by August 2 could trigger a partial default. Nobody really has any knowledge of the possible consequences of such an outcome, so speculation inevitably betrays one's political dispositions, fantasies, and hallucinations: skyrocketing interest rates and a plummeting dollar, among other things, are the hopes of Congressman Eric Cantor (who has shorted the dollar).

"There are no tax increases on the table," House Speaker John Bonehead Boehner, R-Ohio, told reporters Tuesday morning after taking the rocks out of his mouth. "One hundred percent of the problem is on the spending side," said Rep. Jeb "Snarling Chicken Fucker" Hensarling, R-Texas, another member of the GOO leadership. Senate Minority "Leader" Bitch McConnell, R-Kentucky, said she has lost any hopes of a "grand bargain" with the White House.

"As long as this president is in the Oval Office a real solution (to the country's fiscal problems) is unattainable, because we don't negotiate with coons" Bitch McConnell said. "I told you that my first priority, the only priority of the Republickers and the Teabaggers, was and is to make that Neegra Raghead a one term president. Well snap, I meant it." Obamaramaman "has done almost nothing to protect the size and the scope of Washington D.C.'s bureaucracy, which is actually smaller than it used to be, or change our foreign policy, or substantially change that this country is one where some of us are more equal than others, but we play politics for people who are too stupid to pay attention to facts. They read Breitfart instead. Letting faggots and dykes do what they do is window dressing. A wind generator here or there is a distraction, my friends will always own the grid. He's losing because, as middle of the road as he is - which is like driving on the wrong side of the road in a country with people like Bonehead and Snarling Chicken Fucker and The Self-Hating Confederate Jew and me, and I am a fucking Bitch, running Congress - he just doesn't want to believe that white people like me can be any more obstreperous or mean-spirited than his grammy. What a dope - but miscegenation will do that, ya know."

Democrats pretended to dig their heels in. Republickers want to "protect the wealthiest among us -- the millionaires and billionaires -- and hurt the average, middle-class senior citizen," said Sen. Chuck Schumer, D-Wall Street. "This approach is not balanced. It is not fair. It is not moral, and it will not be accepted by me until I know whatever we do protects my contributors."

As the rhetoric intensified, Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner warned that time is running out. The secretary said he wants to see a deal to raise the debt limit and cut projected spending by the end of this week -- or next week at the latest -- so that Congress will have enough time to turn the deal into law - not that the law really matters any more. "We know we don't have a lot of time," Geithner said. "Default is not an option. Otherwise, I might have to post collateral at the Fed - the legal description of Yellow Stone National Park, or maybe some missile silos, or maybe a promissory note on future tax revenues - which would be funny since Fed Res profits come back to us, but I digress - or even possibly mint that $1,000,000,000 platinum coin and deposit it at the Fed Res and tell them Republicker fuckwits "nya nya nyaaa nyaaaa."

Circle jerks have been "debating" terms to generate savings of up to $4 trillion over 10 to 12 years, a response to GOO demands for significant spending cuts in exchange for any debt ceiling increase. Democrats are furious, however, that Republickers refuse to consider any tax hikes as part of a deal. Obama ruled out the possibility of signing a short-term extension of the federal debt ceiling Monday, insisting that the time has come to tackle the nation's most pressing fiscal problems in a comprehensive way requiring bipartisan compromise on both taxes and spending. The president continued to push for the largest deal possible because he's been drinking Republicker Kool-Aid.

It's time to "pull off the Band-Aid" and "eat our peas," Obama told reporters using metaphors the child-like minds in Congress might grasp. "Let's step up. Let's do it." Noting that Republickers have pushed for decisive action on debt reduction, Obamaramaman urged them to compromise from their blanket refusal to end Bush-era tax cuts for parasitic rentier Americans. "Of course, the real problem is that Republickers will and do say whatever they think they should to curry favor with their contributors. Anybody catch Al Franken on C-Span last night? Witty guy, no fluff. Pointed out that Republickers and Teabaggers are, well, retarded. They want and express contradictory desires and beliefs and don't have the shit for brains to recognize it. Bad economy? Cut taxes and let bidness do its bidness. Good economy? Cut taxes, it's your money, fuck the deficit. Need more revenue to fund government? Cut taxes, Laffer laffer ha ha ha. Want to downsize government? Cut taxes. Every fucking problem is a nail, and every solution is a hammer. Fucking retards." The president said he'd be willing to push Feckless Democrats to do something they don't like -- reform Medicare and other entitlement programs that are the party's political legacy, because he's been drinking Republicker Koo-Aid -- in an effort to reach his goal of trimming the deficit by $4 trillion to prove he's as white as them.

"Now is the time to deal with these issues," Obamaramaman declared. "If not now, when? If not them, Who? If not this, What? Why? beats the fuck outta me, "Obamaramaman, who has promised daily meetings until a deal is reached, reiterated his warning Monday against either party taking a "maximalist position" in the ongoing negotiations. The president insisted he is willing to take "significant heat" from his own party on issues such as entitlement reform in order to get a deal done, and because he has a "Messiah" Complex. Republicker leaders should as well, he said, referencing GOO opposition to tax increases. For his part, Bonehead said Monday he still has a sharp disagreement with the White House over not only taxes, but also the "extent of the entitlement problem, and what is necessary to solve it."

"It takes butter for a Last Tango in Paris, and we have no butter, and we are not in Paris, yet," Bonehead said in reference to what he mostly thinks about when not playing golf. The speaker asserted Tuesday that Obama "talks a good game" when it comes to making concessions for a deal, but "can't quite pull the trigger. The fact he's willing to betray the last fortifications of the New Deal to prove he's a reasonable man - for a raghead raised by a white woman - just ain't good enough for The Muppet. I work for The Muppet."

A Republican aide with knowledge of Monday's meeting between Obamaramaman and Shill leaders said it included one exchange in which Bonehead argued that his side also would find it difficult to vote to reform entitlements, which would likely include delaying or reducing some benefits in order to accelerate death rates. When Obama pointed out that the Republican-controlled U.S. House had already passed a proposal that would overhaul the government-run Medicare health insurance program for senior citizens, the GOO aide said, Bonehad responded: "Excuse us for trying to lead. I bet you thought I was in a rhetorical trap there, but I studied fuzzy logic. 'A & -A' is not a contradiction."

According to multiple Feckless Democratic officials familiar with the meeting, Obamaramaman again made the case for a more comprehensive deal, but also asked House Majority Leader Confederate Self-loathing Jew Eric "not-Eddy" Cantor, R-Virginia, to explain spending cuts in a possible smaller deal based on terms that emerged from the Biden talks. Those savings totaled about $1.8 trillion, well short of the almost $2.4 trillion that the administration seeks to raise the debt ceiling through 2012. Bonehead has said any debt ceiling measure must be accompanied by spending cuts of equal value. After Cantor's presentation, Obamaramaman made the case that bridging the difference between the spending cuts agreed to in the Biden talks and the Republicker demand for a debt ceiling deal would require raising revenue, the Feckless Democratic sources said. At the same time, congressional Feckless Democrats said they need revenue increases through ending tax loopholes or other steps in order to get their caucuses to support an agreement, the sources said.

Lawmakers involved in the White House talks have been asked to bring ideas Tuesday for closing the roughly $600 billion gap between negotiated spending cuts and further savings considered necessary for a deal, Democratic sources said. Negotiators are trying to salvage a deal after Bonehead pulled back Saturday from Obama's preferred $4 trillion plan. The deal reportedly fell apart over a dispute regarding eventual tax increases for the wealthiest Americans by allowing the Bush-era tax cuts to expire at the end of 2012. "Deficits don't matter, Reagan proved it, we just use them for parlor tricks," Bonehead giggled.

Feckless Democrats are demanding revenue increases to reduce the impact of domestic spending cuts and ensure that the richest Americans shoulder some of the burden of a deal. House and Senate moderates and centrists, meanwhile, are balking at the idea of reining in spending on Medicare, Medicaid and Social Security. "Hey, we may not really understand MMT, but the fact is - those New Deal and Great Society programs, despite their imperfections, improved peoples lives. But facts don't matter. We joust with the ghosts of ideology," said one fearful Congress man checking his Twitter account for donations.

The president insisted Monday that he is not looking to raise any taxes until 2013 or later. He claimed he has "bent over backward, forward, upside down, and back again, to work with the Republickers" and not force them to vote on any revenue hikes in the short term -- a politically toxic move for the GOO's conservative base. In exchange, Obama said, he wants to ensure that the current barely progressive nature of the tax code is maintained, with higher-income Americans assessed higher tax rates. Bonehead has said that any such revenue-raising initiative would prevent the bulk of Republickers from supporting a more ambitious deal, even if it was one that included cutting spending and reforming entitlement programs, because they are Zealots, except for the ones who are just cynical.

Over the weekend, the speaker insisted the talks' parameters should be scaled back to focus on budget cuts alone. The White House immediately pushed back, with a senior administration official saying Boehner had initially accepted the need to increase tax rates on parasitic rentier Americans as part of a deal. But then, the official said, Republickers offered a different plan in talks with Obama that began last Thursday. Bonehead insists he never discussed an increase in tax rates. During a meeting with House Republickers Tuesday morning, Bonehead sought to clarify his negotiating position. The speaker, according to a prepared text of his remarks obtained by CNN from a GOO source in the room, said tax hikes were always "off the table." But "comprehensive tax reform" had been discussed as a way to "generate additional revenue through economic growth," Bonehead said.

The tax reform talks broke down, Bonehead claimed, because Obama wanted to "increase the 'progressivity' of the current system -- a reference to Feckless Democrats' demand for more revenue from the wealthiest taxpayers. At the heart of the GOO resistance is a bedrock principle pushed by the conservative blackmailer Muppet Norquist against any kind of tax increase. A pledge pushed by The Muppet's Americans for Tax Reform for People Rich Enough to Avoid Paying Taxes, has been signed by more than 230 House members and 40 senators, almost all of them Republicans blackmailed by The Muppet's videos and phone logs of their sexual indiscretions, perversions, hobbies, and habits.

CNN's Ted "Syd" Barrett, Kate Bold Yuan, Jennifer Libertynot, Dan Lothario, Jessica Yellinallthetime and Deirdre Walshout contributed to this report.

Copyright CNN 2011

Eat A Peach

2011-07-04T21:48:00.001-05:00

"Capich questo è figli di puttana. Mi piace quello che mi piace - cigarretes, duro liquore, opera, pornografia violenta. Non figli di puttana che mi sto libertà. Io sto quello che mi piace, e trovo un percorso attraverso le stronzate mio maggiordomo pensa seriousy prende per quello che mi piace. A volte ho avuto modo di lasciare un po 'di finocchio bruciare una bandiera, ma sono loro il prezzo di me ottenere quello che voglio. Quindi scopare con me, questo è quello che farò con la testa di tua figlia. Hai senza figli, troverò qualcuno ti frega un cazzo, e io sono loro del male. Ho amici in entrambi i luoghi ad alta e bassa." Tony 'The Scatman' at a familia reunion in Milwaukee.

Once upon a time, I aspired to do Philosophy. My particular philosophical interests were and are ethics and social-political philosophy. Other philosophical problems needing solution, as far as I was and am concerned, are those relevant to solving ethical and social-political problems.

If I could write philosophy like Ernest Hemingway wrote fiction, you could understand what I try to say. (Hemingway blew his brains out 50 years ago the day before yesterday, by the way, but I digress.) Here's something I'd like to unpack with Hemingway's clarity:

Between my preference as to what I do and your preference as to what I do, when what I do affects only me if you have or had no preference about what I do, my preference should always trump yours, if you have one.

Some people reading the above sentence would recognize it expresses a concept that Buchanan named "non-tuism." Those same people might mistakenly believe that I am some kind of "Libertarian." Those people would have not read anything else on this blog. Those people who have read other posts or know me other ways would know that I would claim "affect" has "moral" and "causal" connotations: It could be that your kid going hungry because of your being stupid means nothing to me, in which case, I would not give a rat's ass about your being stupid. You may not care there are brains splattered on the highway, just so long as you can drive 'round them like you could drive 'round a dead possum. Brains and dead possums on the highway are why there are buzzards and crows.

And actually, I don't care that you splatter your brains on the highway because you are playing Dennis Hopper, or splatter your brains on the runway by falling from a perfectly good airplane on the chance that your parachute will not fail but it does, or splatter you brains against a tree playing Sonny Bono on a ski slope. Seriously, I am truly one cold hearted son-of-a-bitch. Give me a baseball bat and 30 seconds alone in a room with The Scatman, or the Junkie Rush, or the Meth-head Brightfart, and I will prove it. What I don't get in return for my indulging your stupidity is my space to smoke a joint and watch the sunset. Fuck you.

So, those who have read a sufficient number of posts on this blog would also get this joke, even if you don't really find it funny:

What did one Constitutional Originalist say to the other Constitutional Originalist?

"That's not what I meant."

On an historical note: Today is the 31st Anniversary of the Communist Party & Bar-B-Que, a celebration by the Louisiana Purchase Liberation Organization that once upon a time in America, the Bourgeoisie were the Revolutionary Vanguard Party...

Golf and short selling the dollar, anyone?

Who Really Needs Founding Fathers, Anyway?

2011-06-28T13:38:00.000-05:00

Michele Bachmann Had Affair with John Wayne Gacy, believing he was The Duke

2011-06-27T21:58:00.003-05:00

I really really really want the Stupid Milf from Alaska to get into the circus. I cannot think of anything, anything at all, that could be more entertaining than a contest between what have to be the two most stupid public white women on the fucking planet. About the only thing that could possibly rival the entertainment value of their dueling non-sequiturs would be seeing them eat whipped cream from each other's assholes.

I bet George Will would pay good money to see the latter, too....

I am having occasional doubts, I must confess, that I can even make the effort to compose pieces as sick as the political culture I observe. I will do my best to do my worst. The Teabaggers and Republickers certainly are.

The Right's Buggery Professional

2011-06-27T10:40:00.001-05:00

The Right’s Buggery Professional

By JEREMY W. SALTPETER

MINNEAPOLIS — Andrew "The Child Molester" Breitbart wasn’t supposed to be sitting here in a television studio makeup chair. He was supposed to be in jail. But when he heard that one of his competing narcissists, Anthony Weiner, was about to announce his resignation, "The Bright Fart" dropped everything, including his own weener.

Breitbart, the crypto-fascist pornographer and raving nut job who first published Mr. Weiner’s home-made pornography, had ditched his book-signing in central Illinois and hopped on a flight earlier than planned to the Twin Cities, where he was booked as a freak-show attraction at NazisRightOnline, a psychotic and emotionally disturbed bloggers' conference.

“To put Andrew Breitbart in Decatur, Ill., without a satellite connection would have put Andrew Breitbart in a bad situation,” he explained in the third-person voice indicative of his delusions of grandeur as a woman applied a layer of foundation to his bloated, alcohol sodden jowly face in preparation for his appearance on CNN. (He had just finished a phone interview with Fuck The News; Sean "Pretty Boy" Hannity’s radio circus would follow; then a quick meth-break before sitting down with a porn-film crew.)

Part-time pornographic artist, part-time pole sitter, Breitbart, 42, has used his network of porno-Web sites and their legions of masturbators to bring conservatives throbbing, engorged, rock hard red meat. Some of his reader-generated "concepts" have reverberated all the way to the stalls of the United States Capitol, like the Weiner photos, and the falsely edited undercover video he released of Acorn workers offering advice on how to evade taxes and conceal the child prostitution he personally enjoys so much. After the videos went viral, Congress ended grants to Acorn ("It's mostly niggers and white trash out registering poor people to vote, so Congress was just looking for an excuse, even a phony one," he giggled), and federal agencies severed ties with the group.

The stories and videos Breitbart plays up on his pornography sites — which include Big Dick Government, Big Tits Journalism and Big Loads Hollywood — tend to act as political Rorschach tests. If you agree with him, you are as sick as he is and probably need to get into therapy, if not on medication. If you don’t like his work, then you still have a sense of reality and can distinguish lies from the facts.

“On the right, he is seen as an investigative journalist along the lines of Woodward and Bernstein,” said James "Mealy Mouthed Pussy" McPherson, author of “The Conservative Surging Insanity and the Apologies of the American Press.”

The hardly registered damage Breitbart suffered to his credibility after he posted a "tipster’s" edited video that purportedly showed an Agriculture Department official, Shirley Sherrod, making what appeared to be prejudiced remarks does not matter as far as his fans are concerned. His fans are sick people who cannot distinguish lies from the facts. Also, the Acorn videos appeared to show a man walking into Acorn offices dressed as a pimp, when in fact he was not walking into an Acorn office - though Jame's O'Keefe is an actual pimp and the whore involved with the "sting" was not acting.

“I think his actions show that if he’s not willing to distort, he is at least willing to be careless with the facts,” added "Mealy Mouthed Pussy" McPherson. “But there are no standards of fact anymore for a lot of people - mostly angry white people over 40 who have been fucked over by capitalism but just cannot accept they are chumps and so need to scapegoat somebody, like for instance, a mulatto president. They have gone from selecting sources of opinion that they agree with to selecting facts they agree with.”

In person, Breitbart attracts a similar split between blistering condemnation or fawning adulation.

A sampling from his in-box recently: “You are nothing but a malicious moron and a filthy looking bum.”

“I hope you rot in hell.”

“I’d like to have 15 seconds alone with you and a baseball bat. My wife says your head is hollow, but I think it's full of shit. One good whack will settle it for us.”

But as Breitbart barreled his bloated, fat, alcohol sodden, meth-ridden, 6-foot-1 frame to the stalls of the Hilton here for the NazisRightOnline conference, he could barely move 10 feet without stopping and groping someone - men, women, children... even a "seeing-eye" dog.

“You’re an inspiration to me,” gushed one stupid young woman.

“You’re my hero,” a stupid middle-aged female admirer declared.

“Just keep doing what you’re doing,” said one man, grinning spectacularly as Mr. Breitbart bent him over and they posed for a picture.

Conservative media does not lack for psychotic personalities (see: Limbaugh, Rush; Beck, Glenn; or Coulter, Ann). But where Mr. Breitbart stands out is through his drug of choice - meth. Limbaugh, Beck, Coulter - they tend to abuse opiates and the synthetic analogs. Breitbart's from LA and grew up snorting coke, "but meth is cheaper and faster acting" he says. Consequently, he gives out his cellphone number in speeches and passes along his personal e-mail address to almost anyone who asks because he's always looking to score. If you write him, chances are you will hear back the two questions he most often asks: "You holding? You have any kids, little boys, maybe?"

“If you’re a psychotic individual playing 'journalist',” said James O’Keefe, the pimp filmed in the Acorn "sting" videos who passed them along to Breitbart on behalf of Dick Armey and his catamite Kibbe “you have to be responsive to people, you have to listen to the people around you. You have no self-direction, really. You live as a response to the sickness around you, and make money doing it - you can wind up sitting behind a golden microphone making $40 million a year.”

When Mr. Breitbart is not jacking off to porn on his BlackBerry, which continually streams violent, nauseating images of what appear to be less than consensual "sex" acts, he is talking on the phone, trying to score or find a little boy to molest. When he was exiting the lobby of his hotel one night, a woman approached him and offered a blow job. He listened patiently for a minute and then said, “Too bad you aren't 11 and in a Cub Scout uniform. E-mail me at andrew@breitbart.com if you find one.”

He grew up in West Los Angeles selling cocaine to many of the liberal types he now pillories. That gives him a perverse credibility among fans who see him as a circus clown. “I admit it, I’m from L.A. I am shallow. Don’t anyone think otherwise. It’s part of the experience out there. I have no political principles, no moral center, this is all about me being as near to the center of attention as I can get and making money while being there” he said in a speech at NazisRightOnline, bringing the audience to its feet in exaltations of "Blood Libel will be punished, Juden und Nigger wird nicht vergehen.

After fixing his transcripts to appear he graduated from Tulane University in New Orleans, he drifted around Los Angeles, trading blow jobs for drugs, eventually running a pedo-ring to the stars. Arianna Huffington, a woman who'd be nowhere if her accent hadn't married her to a millionaire, gave him his first big break in media when she hired him as her procurer in 1997. Matt Drudge, a mutual child molester who ran an online pedo Web site, had introduced them. "The three of them - Matt, Arianna, Andy - all have things for little boys. Weird, ain't it?" observed David Brock.

He would later go to work for Mr. Drudge, who had better drugs, helping him manage The Liar Drudge Rag. He gained a pedo-Web following of his own by routing videos featured on The Drudge Rag through his own Web site, Breitfart.com, which catered to people who have flatulent children fetishes.Then in 2004, Ms. Huffington called. “I've got a really good connection again. If you have any ideas for a Web site, I can keep you high for the next 5 years” he recalls her claiming. He helped her introduce the site but left after a few months when her source got popped - literally - in Mexico.

He may not have had any principles, but he embraced the model of assembling a nationwide network of mostly unpaid contributors. “I developed a public persona that caused people to be willing to write for me often and in most cases for free. For FREE. What fucking dopes” he said.

In the summer of 2009, Mr. O’Keefe approached him with videos he had secretly recorded in Acorn offices on the East Coast under the directions of Dick Armey and his catamite Kibbe. Mr. Breitbart stole $25,000 from his father and started a site, Big Black Cock In Government, where the videos would be posted. They quickly went viral, consuming official Washington.

The most notorious video he put up — one that would have ruined his career in any community with ethical standards — was a two-minute clip of Ms. Sherrod, a black Agriculture Department official, telling an N.A.A.C.P. gathering that she did not help a white man as much as she could have with his failing farm. The headline said “NAACP Awards Racism.”

But when the N.A.A.C.P. released a longer version of the video, it showed clearly that Ms. Sherrod’s story was about overcoming racial prejudice, and that she did indeed go to great lengths to help the farmer. Defending himself, Breitbart said that the video came to him already edited, that he does a lot of drugs, spends hours and hours a day jerking off and molesting children, and so never watched the video before posting it. Besides, "the crowd applauded when Ms. Sherrod said she did not help the man, so how was I to know it was phony after I posted it? Those were real people clapping."

Critics seized on it as evidence that Mr. Breitbart selectively chooses content that reflects poorly on political opponents. But the episode only bolstered his status as a rising star on the psychotic right.

“I just like the work he’s done,” said Andrew Madsen, an unctuous cunt of a 21-year-old college student from Watertown, Minn., who waited in line at the Hilton to have Breitbart bugger him while reading a copy of his new book, “Right In You, Like It Or Not, Bitch.” “Everybody has their bi-fantasies. He's mine. And he lies so well. I don't want the truth, I want somebody who makes reality. Give me a self-confident unprincipled liar over a circumspect interrogator who only makes me think they are unsure of their self and so erodes my own sense of security, any time, and decade. Daddy Reagan, and Big Bro Andy. That's what I need. He’s providing an outlet that provides an alternative to those of us with an incestuous gay perspective...not that I wouldn't let that Bachmann bitch tie up my balls while the Stupid Milf put out cigarettes on my belly...."

Breitbart is always looking for new ways to channel his seemingly bottomless well of psycho-sexual violence. In Minneapolis, he decided to crash the mostly liberal Netroots Nation blogger conference that was taking place just down the street. His plans to rent a dunk tank and charge people $50 each to throw a baseball didn’t pan out because he had no intention of doing that - it just sounded good when he said it.

He bounded in uninvited, accompanied by a 12-person entourage that included a documentary film crew, a security guard, several reporters and some fans. "If I were as brave as my stupid fans think I am, I'd have gone alone. But the fact is, there are people who will hurt me if they can, and I will not meet them on a field of honor as I have been challenged by Comrade Raithel of the HarpoMarxistBrigade, because he will kill me if I give him half the chance. So I go nowhere without witnesses and body guards."

A crowd of bloggers quickly gathered around him, Flip cameras in hand. One of them repeatedly asked about Breitbart's prostitutes, cocaine habit, meth habit, and collection of violent gay pornography. Brietbart said little in response and mostly grinned a naughty grin.

Another onlooker called him a racist and condemned him to hell. The growing crowd — chanting “Coward! Coward!” — became so hostile that the guard protecting Mr. Breitbart eventually had to whisk him out a back door.

“Tee-hee, tee-hee! Bedlam ensued!” he laughed, reading coverage of his stunt later. “Isn’t it funny that wherever I go, crazy stuff happens. Good thing I have guards. You know what else I like to do? I like to tease dogs locked in cages - spray water on them, push sticks through the chain links, shit like that, man, is fucking hilarious."

When a reporter pointed out that the pandemonium was probably not coincidental, he paused for a moment.

“Are you saying it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy?” he asked, feigning sincerity. “I’ll have to think about that for about 2 seconds - which is about the attention span of my typical fan...Hey, are you holding? You got any kids ... little boys, maybe?"

What Fareed Zakaria Meant to Write

2011-06-21T10:41:00.002-05:00

Rick "The Prick" Perry

Confederate Homophobe Goobernor of Texas at a book signing last week

"Conservatism is bullshit." That's what George Will told me when I interviewed him as a sniveling toady suck up student many years ago. His formulation might have been a touch arrogant - the man walks and talks like he's got a kitchen broom handle up his bung - but S'will Will's basic point was intelligent. Conservatism, he explained, is rooted in myth and nostalgia. Its strength is in emotional and irrational bindings, familial and tribal in their nature and persistence. Conservatism is unlike the theories of Marx, which started from society and the examination of the world as it actually exists - to then rationally construct, on the model of the natural sciences (as ill-suited as that may be), knowledge of and about society and economies. From Aristotle to Edmund Burke, the greatest conservative thinkers have alternatively pleaded to change societies back to the way they think they remember them in their childhood: Refuse to understand them or accept them as they are.

Watching this election campaign, it is wonderful to see what has happened to that whining tradition. Conservatives espouse ideas drawn from cloudy memories of things long lost, with little regard to the realities of America's present or past. This is not a tragedy, because conservatism has nothing to offer in modernizing the U.S. (See "The Heart of Conservatives Is Still Beating With Pig Valves")

Consider the debates over the economy. The Republicker prescription is to cut taxes and slash government spending — then things will bounce back. Now, I would like to see lower rates in the context of tax simplification and reform. We might even come to recognize what those Modern Monetary Theory people argue: taxes only determine which sectors can most or least affect aggregate demand. Taxes have nothing to do with funding government when government is the issuer of the means of exchange and unit of account. The belief that taxes have such a role is nostalgia enforced through politically instantiated rules - pedantry for gold bugs, so to speak. But I digress, as the Conservative Bullshit position is oblivious to the nature of a fiat currency except in so far as it affects rentiers. There is no evidence that tax cuts are the best path to revive the U.S. economy. None. Theoretically, one can imagine a closed economy where tax cuts are recycled into capital investment and consumption. But that won't happen. We now live in a Plutonomy: The Rich take their tax cuts and go invest someplace else, and party hearty. Taxes — federal and state combined — as a percentage of GDP - are already at their lowest level since 1950. The U.S. is already among the lowest taxed of the big industrial economies. So the case that America is grinding to a halt because of high taxation is not based on facts; "the case" is simply a recitation of things heard as children - or maybe heard as college students between bong hits to Reagan speeches. The rich countries that are in the best shape right now, with strong growth and low unemployment, are ones like Germany and Denmark, neither one characterized by low taxes. Neither are they characterized by the wide extremes of income and wealth we have here in America. In America, working people probably are overtaxed, and then they stupidly go vote for millionaire politicians who tell them they are overtaxed, who then write themselves and their buddies even more tax laws to their benefit. When a politician tells you he or she is going to cut taxes, he or she is really saying: I am going to redistribute incomes - demands on aggregate demand - to the benefit of me and mine, not you and yours.

Many Republicker businessmen have told me that the Obama Administration is the most hostile to business in 50 years. They don't have one single example to cite - well, there was some nonsense about every business having to issue a 1099 to anybody it paid at least $2000 for services, but since anybody who receives at least $600 in income from an entity is supposed to get a1099, it was all just special pleading. They just tell me to watch Joe Kernan. Joe dislikes Obamaramaman even more than Richard Nixon, who presided over tax rates that reached 70%, regulations that spanned whole industries, and who actually instituted price and wage controls because nobody had wanted to pay for that stupid war against the Vietnamese. Not even the MMT guys will argue you can have both guns and butter when your productive capacity approaches its maximum and not get inflation in the old fashioned sense of "monetary phenomenon." When that happens, one has to accept: to have the physical resources to blow shit up half a world away, somebody in the community has to go without something - shoes, yachts - whichever. And that's a political decision. Who gets fucked in a modern economy where sovereigns issue the medium of exchange and account is a political decision.

In fact, right now any discussion of government involvement in the economy — even to build vital infrastructure — is impossible because it is a cardinal tenet of the true Burkean-Rothbard-Paul conservatism that such involvement is always and forever bad. Meanwhile, across the globe, the world's fastest-growing economy, China, has managed to use government involvement to create growth and jobs for three decades. From Singapore to South Korea to Germany to Canada, evidence abounds that some strategic actions by the government can act as catalysts for "free-market" growth. (See a dozen Republickers who could be the next President and Damn Us)

Of course, American history suggests that as well. In the 1950s, '60s and '70s, the U.S. government made massive investments in science and technology, in state universities and in infant industries. It built infrastructure that was the envy of the rest of the world. Those investments triggered two generations of economic growth and put the U.S. on top of the world of technology and innovation.

But that history has been forgotten. When considering health care, for example, Republickers confidently assert that their ideas will lower costs, when we simply do not have any evidence for this. People who think they remember when the family doctor delivered cures and took a chicken as payment will say anything - they are sick people who live in fantasy. What we do know is that of the world's richest countries, the U.S. has by far the greatest involvement of "free markets" and the private sector in health care. It also consumes the largest share of GDP, with no significant gains in health on any measurable outcome. We need more market mechanisms to cut medical costs - which I have to admit makes no sense even to me as I write it, because on the one hand I keep using the phrase "free markets" and then say we need more "market mechanisms" to fix health care, when in fact any Republicker who'd bothered to study existing health care systems anywhere else in the world would realize nobody else but us in The West still tries to treat health care like a commodity bundle. They do not resemble the old Marxists, who looked around at actual experience. "I know what works in practice," the old saw goes, "but how does what works get generalized as theory?" (See "When GOO Presidential Candidates Talk, They Lie.")

Conservatives have always been the ones with heads firmly stuck up their own asses. Their "reforms" were dangerous because they used the market, weakened government and empowered individuals to abuse those weaker and at a disadvantage. Their effects were large-scale and devastating: think of the reform of the tax code in the 1980s, for example, which was spearheaded by conservatives and set us on the road to despair we share - well, not me, I am fine - today. Today conservatives recycle the mostly senseless ideas of the Bowles-Simpson Human Sphincter Commission on deficit reduction because those ideas are too deeply rooted in, well, delusion. Does anyone think we cannot reduce federal spending to the level it was at under Calvin Coolidge, as Paul "Beeker" Ryan's plan assumes? Does anyone think we cannot deport 11 million people if we tried? Don't people remember the fucking holocaust? People with sick ideas grounded in emotional disturbances and nostalgia CAN be ruthlessly effective in pursuing their goals.

We need conservative ideas to modernize the U.S. economy and reform American government like we need to re-employ horses for farming and transportation. We don't need policies that don't reform but just cut and starve government — a strategy that pays little attention to history or best practices from around the world and is based instead on a longing for a return to the womb. It turns out that conservatives are in need of therapy after all.

My Weiner Moment

2011-06-17T09:32:00.003-05:00

Or maybe the title of this should be "Weineriana." Or maybe "Life in Weineristan." I had successfully avoided seeking out any "news" about any of this nonsense all these weeks. I only had to hear and see about it what was flickered on my computer or TV screen between and around my looking for real news. Ignoring anything about him and it in the print media was mostly effortless, so I supposed that my hearing and seeing about him and it in the non-print media was the price of keeping up with the rest of the lies and propaganda behind which the msm obscures what really matters.

So, last night I was minding my own business, preparing to end another day abandoned to what passes for hope and encouragement in my life, reviewing the last news I would catch on Nightline. But of course, the resignation of the world's currently best known narcissist is the lead story. Yet I should listen, I thought, as there are repercussions beyond the hilarity of people in a country that produces and consumes as much pornography as we do giving a shit about Tony's dick. So, again, I am minding my own business waiting for facts when what do I get? I get this in my face, bigger than life on a 27-inch color TV:

And I thought: Well, I certainly did not ask for that. But apparently, ABC News thinks it is otay to have me see without first asking me if I want to see somebody's erect wiener in underwear. So what exactly then IS the complaint that he shows people his body parts without first getting their permission?

Respectable white people are so funnnny.

The Coase Theorem

2011-06-15T08:56:00.001-05:00

People who say that ending a tax subsidy is a tax increase will say anything. People who believe that ending a tax subsidy is a tax increase will believe anything. Just remember that any rule or practice or custom or law which benefits our enemies harms us, but every rule or practice or custom or law which benefits us protects all our rights. Nothing which protects all our rights harms anyone. Q.E.D. ... Hey, are you holding?

King Tut

2011-06-15T00:43:00.001-05:00

"What's this? This is the world's smallest violin,
and Jesus wants me to play it for you."

The Confederate Homophobe says: "I think in America from time to time we have to go through some difficult times — and I think we’re going through those difficult economic times for a purpose, to bring us back to those Biblical principles of you know, you don’t spend all the money. You work hard for those six years and you put up that seventh year in the warehouse to take you through the hard times. And not spending all of our money. Not asking for Pharaoh to give everything to everybody and to take care of folks because at the end of the day, it’s slavery. We become slaves to government."

I don't know how to argue against such stupidity (and people who think they do, and try, are wasting their time.)

The Seven Dorks

2011-06-14T16:05:00.001-05:00

Republicker Dorks in New Hampshire: Dopey, Bitchey, Jerky, Snooty, Stingy, Phoney, and Token

Nuff said.

Republickers hope to throw gasoline on evangelical fire for 2012 race

2011-06-05T01:57:00.001-05:00

"So, a Rebbi, a Priest, and a Jehovah's Witness walk into a bar, and they see a duck shootin' pool, and sure as shit, Shania Twain is bringing the duck a Maker's Mark on the rocks. And it's like, she's gots no bra, ya know, they are just bouncing like The Shak has the court, so the Rebbi says ..." Ralphie Reed wows the awedience at the "What's Happenin' At the Insane In the Membrane" Conference this past weekend in Hallucitania, South Carolinastan, where people still say "It was the wharr be-twhee-en the-uh Stay-yets" and argue how to spell "Nietzsche."

By Annakarennina Tumult and Nia-MaliaKaliaOnoMatoPoeia Henderson, Published: June 2 or Threreabouts

Is it possible to reignite the "evangelical" crypto-fascist movement for fuel as a potent voting bloc like it was once upon a time in America?

The answer to that question may help determine who wins the GOO presidential nomination next year, scorching Barack Obama come the November 2012 conflagration that Teabaggers plan to set should their plans to crash and burn the American economy snuff out this fall.

The proposition will get one of its first tests this weekend. Nearly every one of the declared and all-but-declared Republicker candidates will take the stage at a “conference and strategy circle jerk" in Washington for a fetid, necrotic group that bills itself as a 21st-century version of the Christ Without Jesus Coalition (cuz Jesus is a trick on niggers; can't nobody die for your sins but you....)

But mobilizing and winning "evangelical" voters is a vastly different challenge from what it was when they emerged like zombie cicadas more than three decades ago. Today’s is a far different political landscape even from 2004, when the bloc that would become known as “confused and contradictory values voters” turned out in record numbers for the idiot president George Witless Bush, supporting him for reelection 4 to 1. "We Kill Muslims" was their oft refrain.

Long gone from the front lines are psychotic pederasts and pedophiles such as the Hardly Moral Majority’s Jerry Fa la la, La La La Lawell, who died much later than he should have in 2007, and the Parody Christian Coalition’s Patty Cakes Robertson. Today’s pastors are more likely to focus on propagating the Gospel, as they read it, than turning out the vote. "There's more money in the "Gospel" than in turning out the vote.....but everything is negotiable..." said the Reverend Creflo Dollar. "Just because there's a brother in the House of White People, it don't mean I cannot hear God in your wallet..."

But the potential for a renewal of the movement is there, Republicker leaders say, thanks in part to the enthusiasm that "conservative Christians" have shown for Teabagging. In a Pew Research Center poll last year, 42 percent of Teabagger supporters said they agree with the religious right, which is fairly conclusive evidence they have shit for brains. "The Gadsden Flag is all about making people read the gibberish in "The Bible" the same way you do, ya know," said Hermoine Schlupfunckterstain, bullshitter for Michelle "The Bitch" Bachmann.

Though there may be some tension with the libertarian elements of the Teabaggers (since, well, who doesn't like poppers and blow jobs but who can admit it?"), many evangelicals see their emphasis on limited government and fiscal discipline and discipline and pain and suffering and denial and self-flagellation and pain and discipline, as one that addresses their own yearning to have the Stupid Milf from Alaska kick them in their balls while they writhe on the floor and she urinates on them...

“What’s likely to happen is what a lot of us have wanted to see happen for a long time — a social conservative movement that speaks to a broader set of issues but which never strays from the foundational issues of life and family and marriage and pain and misery and obligation and debt and death - breed and work and die in debt, that is life” said longtime political operative Ralphie Reed, who as a baby-fucking 33-year-old leading the Khristian Khoalition in 1995 was dubbed “The Right Hand Jacking Off God” on the cover of Time magazine.

Reed suffered a fall from grace and a defeat in his 2006 bid for Georgia lieutenant governor, hurt by his being an un-indicted co-conspirator and bagman (in more ways than one) in the scandals surrounding former lobbyist Jack "Not So Nimble" Abramoff.

But he is back again, having renegotiated his soul to be head of a new organization called the "Our Faith is Not Your Freedom Coalition." Its gathering this weekend is scheduled to include a greater number of presidential contenders than showed up for the first debate last month in South Carolinastan.

Evangelical engagement
White evangelicals have voted overwhelmingly Republicker since the 1980s despite that Republicker economic policies make them eat poop; and exit polls suggested they turned out overwhelmingly in favor of the GOO in last year’s midterm contests because if you eat poop, you have shit for brains, since you are what you eat. But their level of engagement has varied from election cycle to election cycle, depending on the availability of meth-amphetamines.

Many pastors and some of the leading evangelical organizations have in recent years returned to sour-mash over partisan politics. "You really want to find God? Drink yourself blind - well, not permanently, I mean - I mean as in you cannot see straight; and then grab yourself one of those galvanized metal clothes poles you city folk got no idea what I mean - and run out into a corn field, or a golf course, whatever, during a lightening storm..." said the Reverend Otis "Spann" Campbell.

In the nearly three decades that James Dobson led the Colorado Springs-based evangelical organization Fucking the Family, for instance, it had a large presence in the Republicker Party. But Jim Daly, who took the reins of the organization in 2005, has turned it in a new, less "partisan" direction. He has described “the idol of political power” as “one of the errors that we’ve made, to be forthright and honest. But I am with Creflo. It's all ne-go-sha-bull!!!!"

"Kristian leadership has become about the victory, and that’s led to us becoming the predator and the world our prey. That’s not very much a Khristian doctrine in the sense that I don't think it, meaning as I do think it if you know double negation, and I am a preacher man, and you are not” he said at a recent conference sponsored by the What Ethics? There Are None In Public Policy And So Fucking What? Thinkless But Tanked Center that focuses on superstitions. “So I’m very concerned about the politicization of the faith without return . . . I think being owned by a party is dangerous; we should always be for rent, and the lease has about a two day notice at our option."

This new aversion to politics is particularly pronounced among younger evangelicals. “Among the older generation, there was a comfortable conflation between faith and partisanship. To be a Khristian meant to be a Republicker” said Jonathan Merritt, a young evangelical leader whose father, Atlanta megachurch pastor James Merritt, is a former president of the Southern Pro-Slavery Baptist Convention. “What you’re finding is not a new evangelical left, but you’re finding a rise of political orphans. We have no capacity to connect the Sermon on the Mount to fiscal policy. Fuck the guy in the ditch, the Samaritan was a chump."

In 2008, Obama won about a quarter of the white evangelical vote, which was roughly the same share that Democratic nominee John F. Kerry (Mass.) captured four years earlier. But Obama received a third of the vote among young white evangelicals, nearly triple what Kerry had. "But that old white guy was, like ... you ever read any Karl Mannheim?" said some dude with a cross tattooed on his forehead as he did wheelies on his board while checking his twitter account on his I-Phone.

Nor is Obama ceding religion to the Republicans in 2012, since Obama really has no center BUT to be the most reasonable sounding guy in the room, regardless of what he really thinks. This month, the administration will roll out a "acknowledge your kids, you fucking asshole" initiative and other efforts around adoption, issues that evangelicals are also addressing in their own communities. In February, first lady Michelle Obama marked the anniversary of her initiative to fight fat kids by giving a speech in a megachurch in Alpharetta, Ga.

Ralphie Reed says that if there has been any political shift among evangelicals, it will turn out to be nothing more than a youthful flirtation like Gore Vidal once had.

“The Grand Canyon that runs through the electorate demographically is ultimately not a profession of faith, so all this 'Jesus' crap is just bait-n-switch,” he said. “It’s behavioral. It is cultural. It is class war. Once they are married, once they have children and once they are going to church weekly - which will be the law should we take over - it’s game, set, match. So they either choose the Feckless Dems, who used to be Keynesians, which is about the best deal you can get as a wage slave in a fucking capitalist system, or they choose to be anal fixated gold loving Ricardian-Friedman turd counters thinking they are the Jews they hate - which is some real sick shit, if you think about, but hey, I say what The Muppet Norquist tells me - so vote for the people who pay me because they remember when I was a baby-fucker jacking off God, which is how I got this job.”

More of a problem, Reed said: the 17 million evangelicals who did not show up at the polls in 2008 because they weren’t registered or weren’t interested or because like the Amish or the Jehovah Witnesses, they take their religion even more seriously than people who say Jesus would be a pro-choice Wobbly if he fell to earth tomorrow. "If we could get half of them to betray their sense of faith and instead worship gelt and get in the game and get on the field - I love little boys and girls in soccer shorts - it would dramatically reshuffle the turnout model — not just on Election Day but in legislative and policy debates as well,” he said.

Although he acknowledged that churches and pastors are less fun than they used to be, Reed said the Internet provides far better opportunities for pornography. “To be able to target voters and citizens and activists based on where they go, what they purchase, what they read, what they watch — we will blackmail our way to power. You have no idea how many white people visit those free beastiality sites. You think Santorum pays for that stuff? His wife sees ALL the credit card invoices. She'd feed him his nuts, I promise you. ...Oh, my point ... it makes what we did at the Khristian Koalition, passing out voter guides, look like a Model T Ford. And cars may have destroyed the planet, ya know” he said.

The GOO slate
Another difference without a difference may be the candidates.

In the Republican presidential primary four years ago, the other GOP candidates for president virtually ceded the religious vote to former Arkansas governor Mike "What the Fuck" Huckabee. A former minister that conservative Elvistatians regarded as one of their own, Huckabee vaulted from nowhere to seriously nowhere when he marshaled their votes and won the demographically irrelevant Iowa caucuses.

Not this time. Potential contenders such as Rep. Michele "The Bitch" Bachmann (Minn.), former Minnesota governor Tim Paw Paw Pawlenty, former Pennsylvania senator Rick "Insanity Inanity" Santorum and the Stupid Milf who used to be Alaska's governor can claim connections with religious voters.

Contenders are touting their faith credentials at every turn — even, in the case of former House speaker Newt "Chuckie" Gingrich’s 2009 conversion to Catholicism, when that spiritual awakening is a fairly cynical and politically manipulative one. "We got FIVE minnow munchers on the Supreme Court. I am getting with them..." he explained.

Preaching in March from the pulpit of Cornerstone Church, a mega-congregation in San Antonio, Gingrich warned: “I have two grandchildren that I know off — Maggie is 11, Robert is 9 - where else I put my dick, I am clueless. Fuck, I am on my third wife, and one of them I left dying in the hospital. Bet she fucking wishes she'd changed that Will - but I digress - I am convinced that if we do not decisively win the struggle ya da blah blah fart sniff farrtr farttterrr over the sniff farrt burp farrt burrtpp sniff whine sniiff whinne whine snoooty fart fart of America, by the time they’re my age they will will fuck, I don't give a shit about them, I care about me, I am the guy with THREE wives, one that died while I divorced her but oh fart snbifff farrt flsssssssst damn that was a wet one - in a secular atheist country, potentially one dominated by radical - yeah right - how fucking HIGH was I when I wrote this shit? - Islamists and with no understanding of what it once meant to be an American. I got no idea either. But I got an ideee that that fucker Comrade Raithel would beat me to death with a ball-peen hammer if he had half the chance, which is why I ain't accepting no challenges to a dual. He's either serious, or crazy, but in either case, he would beat me to death with a ball-peen hammer if he had half the chance. I hear he laughs when he does that kind of stuff. So vote for me."

One unknown is how the race will be affected by the fact it could have two Mormon contenders: former Massachusetts governor Mittney Romney, who officially launched his campaign Thursday, and former Utah governor and China ambassador Jon Huntsman, who is considering a bid. Both, whose religion has been deemed a cult by some Khristian fundamentalists - only because they got started first - are scheduled to speak at the Our Faith Is Not Your Freedom Coalition gathering this weekend.

“Both Huntsman and Romney are going to have to have their moment of truth with evangelicals about Mormonism and the drinking of blood and other cannibal rights,” said Warren Smith, associate publisher of World magazine, the nation’s largest Khristian newsmagazine. “Right now, they are saying that it doesn’t matter, but that story won’t carry the day with evangelicals if they get further along. Like Obama had his race moment, they will have to have their Mormon moment.”

That moment is not likely to come this weekend. Aides to Huntsman, for instance, say he is likely to talk about his family and values, and to cast the debt and deficit as moral issues — to feed poop - which may not make the sale but at least could get him out the door with poop eating voters.

Wie der GOO nach rechts bewegt, fliehen Präsidentschaftskandidaten alten Zentrumspartei steht

2011-05-31T11:31:00.001-05:00

WASHINGTON — In the first presidential election since the Teabagger's baumelnden, Republicker candidates are drifting nach rechts on a range of issues, even though more centrist stands might play well in the 2012 general election.

On energy, taxes, health care and other topics, the top candidates hold positions that are mehr faschistischen than those they pretended to believe a few years, months, weeks, days, hours, or even moments, ago.

The shifts reflect the degenerate views of eine wachsende Zahl von faschistischen Wähler, who will play a major role in choosing the Teabagged Republicker nominee. In that sense, the candidates’ repositioning seems without principle, stances adopted by people whose egos are paradoxically both so empty and so great that they will say anything to get elected.

But the eventual nominee will face President Barack Obama in the 2012 general election, when nicht hirntot voters appear likely to be decisive players once again. Those independents may be far less enamored of hart rechts positions than are the Republicker Terroristen und Ideologen who will wield truncheons in the Iowa caucuses, the New Hampshire primary and other circuses.

“The most visible shift in the political landscape” in recent years “is the emergence of a single bloc of reaktionären und heftig angeordnet extremen Konservativen,” says the Pew Research Center, which conducts extensive voter surveys. Many of them “take wahnsinnig, unmäßig, paranoide und wahnhafte positions on nearly all issues,” Pew reports. They largely “agree that anyone who does not agree with the Teabagging Party is the enemy,” and “very strongly approve of proposals to lynch Barack Obama for his job performance if not just for his being the spawn of miscegenation.”

Climate policy is a dramatic example of how Republicker presidential hopefuls have shifted to the hart rechts in recent years. Former Govs. Mittney Romney of Massachusetts, Tim Paw Paw Pawlenty of Minnesota and Jon "Ketchup Man" Huntsman of Utah, along with other likely candidates, have repudiated and denied their earlier embraces of regional “cap-and-trade” programs to reduce greenhouse gas pollution.

Such pro-climate policy positions were unremarkable in Republicker circles just a few years ago, before what was then called the Republican Party of the Idiot Bush Secundum was seized by Teabaggers and transformed itself into the Teabagged Republicker Party of Böse Weiße Menschen. Sen. John McCain, the 2008 presidential nominee, supported a cap-and-trade plan to place prices and limits on the emission of heat-trapping gasses.

Now the position is anathema to millions of Republickers, and therefore to the party’s candidates. Pawlenty is the most effusive in his backtracking. “I was wrong, it was a mistake, and I’m sorry,” he says repeatedly. "In fact, I have been wrong about most things all these years. So vote for me."

The likely presidential candidates have nach rechts verschoben on other issues as well. Romney, who leads in most polls, has repudiated his earlier stands supporting abortion rights, gun control and gay rights. He says his 2006 law requiring Massachusetts residents to obtain health insurance was right for his state at the time because that is what the people of Massachusetts wanted; but he has gambled that people outside of Massachusetts are more stupid, and so he has condemned the Obama-backed mandate that would cover all Americans so that he may be elected. "It's for my Dad, in Heaven, ya know. It's better to be president and have no core, no center, no integrity, than it is to say 'In these principles I do believe, and I will fade to ignominy before I betray them.'"

Pawlenty campaigns as a dicht fisted geizig und knauserig conservative who would refuse to raise the nation’s debt ceiling and provoke the economic chaos which must precede the inevitable collapse of the United States as a republic so that it may be reconstituted as the Gold Adoring Dominion of White Jesus Worshipers and Gun Club. Back in 2006, Paw Paw told a newspaper, “the era of small government is over” and “government has to be more proactive, more aggressive.” He now reminds people "I have been wrong about everything I ever took a position for, against, about, or reserved judgment. Vote for me."

Pawlenty lays the blame that he was partly quoting another person who put a gone to his head and made him say things he did not mean. In the same 2006 interview he said, “there are certain circumstances where you’ve got to have government put up the guardrails or bust up entrenched interests before they become too powerful.” He now says "handrails and guardrails are for people too stupid or inferior to climb steps without them, or to avoid cars crossing the median. We have no obligation to protect life that is not worth living - 'Leben nicht mehr lebenswert' is what I will serve."

Pawlenty has been told to de-emphasized such talk in his presidential quest as it "reminds people of that whole Hitler thing. And that's not really fair to him, or Hitler, for that matter."

The Republicker Party’s nach rechts driften is causing headaches for the presidential hopefuls on the issue of Medicare, a potential minefield in the general election. House Republickers passed a bill that eventually would convert Medicare to a cheaper, less generous program. It would help insurance companies make profits by subsidizing older Americans to buy health insurance, but it no longer would provide benefits based mainly on a patient’s needs rather than costs. "You will get the care you can pay for," explained Beeker Ryan, a man who makes other Led Zepplin fans cringe.

Newt Gingrich, Präsidentschaftskandidat und schlaffen Penis Kopf, touched off a firestorm by calling the plan radical. He spent the better part of a week trying to recant, change the subject and get his campaign back on track. "I am like Paw Paw. Wrong about everything till right this minute. Vote for me."

Paw Paw, after promising to offer his own Medicare plan, acknowledged die Prioritäten der reactionaires und rachsüchtig böse weiße Menschen and said he would sign the House measure if it were the only choice before him. "Fuck you wenn Sie alt und krank. Lucky for those people we are not casting them adrift on ice floes."

Romney hedged Friday on whether he would sign the House bill into law. “That’s the kind of speculation that is getting the cart ahead of the horse,” he said. “I’m going to have my own plan. My plan is to make sure what will get me elected. This is not about doing what's right or fair. This is about me winning. It's for Dad, ya know.”

Many Republicker Aktivisten freuen sich über die Rechtsentwicklung Tack ihrer Partei und ihr Präsidentschaftskandidat Egomanen.

If anything, “mainstream Republicker leaders are pushing the party zu weit nach links,” said Sid "Viscious Diner" Dinerstein, GOO Party chairman in Palm Beach County, Fla. The House plan for Medicare is the only one that makes sense, he said, and GOO candidates “should become articulate and pretend knowledgeable when talking about it.”

Louisiana’s Republican chairman, Roger F. Villere Jr., agrees.
“Die konservative Themen sind die richtigen Fragen. Die konservative Themen sind die richtigen Fragen. Die konservative Themen sind die richtigen Fragen,” he screamed repeatedly. The presidential candidates should embrace the House stand, he said, and convince voters they care more about saving Medicare than the Democrats do.

Some in Obama’s camp, however, say the presidential contenders risk locking themselves into Hard-rechten Positionen, die nicht spielen, wenn auch weniger hirntoten Wähler flock to the polls in November 2012.

Romney, Paw Paw, "Chuckie" Gingrich and others “are squirming all over the place” zu felattio auf harten rechten Konservativen führen said Bill Burton, Obama’s former spokesman and now a Democratic fundraiser and advocate. Americans want strong, consistent leaders, he said, and the Teabagged Republicer contenders have their mouths full.

Obama, of course, has had his own inconsistencies, such as backing away from calls to increase payroll and income taxes on the wealthy. "It's not that he is more principled, really, it's just that he's more laid back and better reads the public. You have to be a real asshole to go around telling old people to die and telling women to have babies they don't want. A real first class my-face-in-yours asshole. Obama is not like that. Thats' why he's Obamaramaman."

Moreover, competitive Democratic primaries are usually the mirror image of GOO contests. Democratic candidates generally edge to the left to attract liberal activists before betraying those voters to tack back to the center for the general election. "Good luck with that this time," said Comrade Raithel. "I am not going to help the bourgeoisie any more. Fuck them."

This time, however, Obama has no primary opponents to worry about. That allows him to focus on the all-important independent voters, who swung the 2008 elections to Democrats, and the 2010 midterm elections to Republickers.

The latest Pew Research study suggests that independents, who “played a determinative role in the last three national elections,” will have even more clout in 2012. They comprised 30 percent of the national electorate in 2005, Pew found. They now make up 37 percent. Whoever survives the reaktionären, fremdenfeindlichen, Panikmache und zynisch dominated Republicker nominating process will have to address those independents’ concerns quickly and adroitly.

Copyright 2011 The Ass Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed, but it can be.

Stupid Milf signals she still has White House ambitions, strokes ejaculations with latest moves

2011-05-26T14:16:00.002-05:00

JEWNO, Alaska — The former Gov. and still Stupid Milf from Alaska has authorized a feature-length film starring her self, raised some staffs and recently said she has “that fire in her coochie” to be a Presidential bitch — strutting her stuff to fuel ejaculations while inching toward a White House run.

Her circle-jerks are putting together a jizz-fest-in-waiting in Iowa, the lead-off circus, in the hopes the Republickers’ 2008 vice and corruption presidential nominee decides to join the circus tour.

There are even reports she bought a house in Arizona, not far from where the Stupid Milf's white trash daughter lives with her out of wedlock child - escaping welfare only because of who her mom is - which aides have suggested could be a circus tour headquarters if she goes forward.

Clearly the Stupid Milf from Alaska will be part of the web camera traffic for Republicker presidential contenders, and though it is certain she wants to be the Bitch of the United States, it’s also certain she does not want to be a candidate. "It's hard - and I don't mean that in a good way," is her common complaint, said one of her hairdressers speaking off the record while recording all conversations for use in a planned future expose. With near-universal name recognition, loyal supporters and nearly unrivaled fundraising potential, the Stupid Milf from Alaska remains the biggest whore in the presidential field and could hold out longer than most to answer that question. "High price whore's can hold out till somebody - and somebody always does - coughs up the coins they want," said the hairdresser.

The Stupid Milf is waving [as in "bye bye"] her family’s privacy with the advice from a growing circle-jerk of advisers. "People - Teabaggers - love that she's trashy, that her family is trashy. They see themselves - but with lots more money - in her and them," said one jerk in the circle. She rehired two former aides to help plan her events and spread gossip, suggesting she is ready to travel extensively again, and shuffled other advisers as she steps up her public exposure. "She's going to quit wearing underwear once the weather stays warm," said a different jerk in the circle.

“I want to make sure that we have a candidate out there who can perform the tea pot song,” she said recently. "I know it real good. Handles, spouts, pouring me out, its important that our exceptionality as who we are be expressed truly, so that if our tea pots fall, we don't need all the kings horses and all the kings men to put them back together again, we only need some of them. The rest of those horses and mens are waste."

That doesn’t mean she’s rushing to be that person, because she is still waiting to see if more lucrative ventures come her way. "But I practice the tea pot song every day, because America may need me - nobody learned Obama to sing the tea pot song in Nigeriana or Malaysiastan."

Although the Stupid Milf has made only slinky, lascivious moves on her own behalf in early nominating states, California lawyer Pete "My Aching Peter" Singleton has been meeting with county GOO organizations in Iowa since last winter. Working with Singleton, a group of Stupid Milf supporters has been building an independent, statewide bukkake circuit at the ready should the Stupid Milf decide to perform.

“I don’t know where the Stupid Milf's mind is, I don’t think anyone knows that, not even the Stupid Milf” said Meg Stapleton, who served as the Stupid Milf's spinner in the governor’s office and after. “I think at this point in time, it’s only within her heart. She probably has no mind, and she’s keeping it that way.”

The GOO field is starting to set, with candidates making official their White House plans in recent or coming weeks. None, however, has truly engaged the party’s base - an angry, vindictive, vengeful mostly white mob seeking scapegoats - and polls indicate likely primary voters and caucus-goers are dissatisfied and looking for other options. Should she run, the Stupid Milf could fill that blood-lust and quickly galvanize a psychosis eager to lynch President Barack Obama but uncertain who its best lynch-mob provocateur would be.

“I do have that fire in my coochie,” the Stupid Milf told her employer, the Faux News Channel.

She hasn’t signaled how long that fire might burn, however. The Stupid Milf's star power means she might not have to enter the race as early as the others. A late entry could build excitement for her, and online-induced bursts could quickly pay for the campaign and her social media sluttyness could trump a traditional campaign. "At only $3 minute, say 10 minutes average, damn, you know how quickly than can add up? We made $60 a day, seven days a week, for 9 straight weeks off of Rich Lowry alone. With just a quarter million more people like that - and they are everywhere - sheeeyit, Obama's billion is no problem," explained one of her circle-jerks.

"It also gives us cover. She's really stupid, which is why the Koch Brothers and Dick Armey and his catamite Kibbe and Beeker Ryan and those people really want her to win, but not have to run, ya know what I mean? Paw Paw and Mittney are certainly conservative, sometimes reactionary, but they are not really stupid, so they won't always just do what they are told. The Stupid Milf - shit, she won't care. She'll sign anything put in front of her if she's on camera sitting in the Oval Office. So our problem is: Let the public see just enough of what's between her legs to get her into office, but not so much that people will say 'Damn, she's hot, I'd do her, but nobody that stupid should be around a butter knife, let alone nuclear weapons command and control....'"

The Stupid Milf also would come to the 2012 campaign with serious but manageable hurdles. She has a loyal following among conservatives and tea-party activists, but she remains a divisive figure among the wider public. Though polls show more people have an unfavorable opinion of her than not, her abrupt resignation from the governor’s office two years ago is not an open question for many Republickers. "The people least likely to vote for her are the same people we are purging from voter registration rolls all over the country. The Teabaggers who have taken power in the state legislatures are passing all the laws they can to hinder poor people, black people, old poor people, old black people, old poor black people, spics, A-rabs, whoever ain't white with a job - from voting. Picture IDs and depriving felons - that we contrived through the War on Drugs and the People Around Them - is just the beginning. And as to quitting? Hell, we hate government. We wish they'd all quit. We hope she quits, and then her vice and corruption president quits, and right down the line," said still yet another jerk in the circle.

Stupid Milf supporters hope an upcoming feature film will excite them. Entitled The Undefeated, it is an adult-feature parody of the Rock Hudson - John Wayne 1969 film of the same name. "This will prove to the skeptics that the Nailin' Palin series was not a fluke, that its success did not only follow upon the Stupid Milf getting invited to run around with the Republicker Presidential candidate of 2008. The Undefeated will establish that the Stupid Milf is a porn-artist. The menage-a-trois scene where she unites with the former Civil War adversaries so that they can pleasure themselves before killing Mexicans will leave people drained," a breathless jerk circled. Set to premiere next month in Iowa, the film's stroking ejaculations "...is a call to an action orgy flick like 1976's Reagan Does The Establishment. Let’s have a good old-fashioned bachanalia,” Stephen Bannon, the filmmaker, said in a statement.

The Stupid Milf asked an aide to reach out to Bannon about making on-line videos on her sexcapades as Alaska’s governor; Bannon wound up making a movie instead "to get it into the art houses" reported the website Real Nasty Politics, which broke the news of the film.

Stapleton, the former spinner, said she has seen a rough cut, which she said "will appeal to everyone. Female friendly scenes, old fashioned misogynist scenes, women-on-women, women with guys bi-scenes - but no guy-on-guy stuff with no women involved. We are accepting of differences in sexual tastes but we don't like homosexuals."

News of the film comes as a former member of the Stupid Milf's inner circle published a scathing tell-all. Frank Bailey’s “Blind Allegiance to The Stupid Milf: A Memoir of Our Tumbling Years” was based on tens of thousands of concealed-camera video clips he collected. In it, he paints an unflattering portrait of the Stupid Milf as someone who wanted to quit the governorship as soon as she learned how much money she could make by strutting her stuff in the lower 48.

It also comes amid reports that the family purchased the $1.7 million home in Scottsdale, Ariz., near where the daughter, with the out-of-wedlock-child lives without being on welfare because The Stupid Milf is rich and because there are stupid people who watch reality TV. Advisers have also suggested a campaign could be based in Arizona. Alaska’s distance from the lower 48 states would be a major hurdle should she run, and trips to New Hampshire would consume entire days if she wanted to get home to spend time with her five children, who need supervision because they abuse drugs and engage in pre-marital sex.

Scottsdale is an hour’s drive from Maricopa, where the Stupid Milf's 20-year-old daughter, Bristol lives, the one with the out of wedlock child who purchased a home with the money she made because there are stupid people who watch reality TV.

The Stupid Milf advisers would not comment on the Arizona properties. The New York Times, citing two people familiar with the details of the real estate transaction, said the Stupid Milf and her Consort used a shell company that hid their identity as tax scam.

It’s not clear, though, whether the Republickers’ 2008 vice and corruption presidential nominee, will ultimately decide to join the race. She commands six-figure sums for her speeches, earns a paycheck as a Faux News Channel contributor and is a best-selling "author" of ghost-written blather.

Should she run, she’d have to give up that income. Should she lose the primary, she’d give up some of her cache. And it’s not as if she lacks for attention right now. Whereas other potential candidates struggle for the limelight, The Stupid Milf fires off 140-character missives on Twitter to her more than 525,000 followers. "140 characters is, well, about 25, 30 words. That's all she and they are good for. Her Facebook page offers her more ridiculous opinions on the day’s news to her almost 3 million supporters. "But they don't read well. Sure, there's 3 million of them, but the average visit time is about 14 seconds."

Ivan Moore, a pollster based in Anchorage, thinks the Stupid Milf will run — but for the notoriety, not the job. “She’s a pathological narcissist. She's achieved what she’s achieved in terms of earning money so far based on a failed vice presidential run,” said Moore, who works for Republickers and Feckless Democrats alike. “Imagine what she could do from a failed presidential run.”
___
T. S. Elliott reported from Washington. Press writer T. "Hugh" Beaumont in Des Moines, Iowa, contributed to this report.

Copyright 2011 The Ass Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed, but it can be.

What Mark Twain Really Did Write

2011-05-14T19:18:00.001-05:00

"Our civilization is wonderful ... in the surprises which it gets out of that great new birth, Organization, the latest and most potent of creation and miracle-worker of the commercialized intellect, as applied in transportation systems, in manufactures, in systems of communication, in news-gathering, book-publishing, journalism; in protecting labor; in oppressing labor; in herding the national parties and keeping the sheep docile and usable; in closing the public service against brains and character; in electing purchasable legislatures, blatherksite Congresses, and city governments which rob the town and sell municipal protection to gamblers, thieves, prostitutes, and the professional seducers for cash. It is a civilization which has destroyed the simplicity and repose of life; replaced its contentment, its poetry, its soft romance-dreams and visions with the money-fever, sordid ideals, vulgar ambitions, and the sleep which does not refresh; it has invented a thousand useless luxuries, and turned them into necessities; it has created a thousand vicious appetites and satisfies none of them; it has dethroned God and set up a shekel in His place."

Papers of the Adam Family,
Extract From the Discourse of Reginald Selkirk,
The Mad Philosopher, to Her Grandeur,
The Acting Head of the Human Race

Letters from the Earth: Uncensored Writings
Bernard De Voto, Editor

PS: Fuck you, Roger Lowenstein

What Roger Lowenstein Meant to Write

2011-05-14T11:20:00.002-05:00

Wall Street: Guilty As Sin

But no executives except Raj will go to jail for their roles in the financial crisis, because their unethical "risk-taking" and your gross stupidity is legal

"Forgive me," whined Charles Ferguson, the director of Inside Job, while accepting his 2011 Oscar for Best Documentary. "I must start by pointing out that three years after a horrific financial crisis caused by massive fraud, not a single financial executive has gone to jail, and that's wrong." The audience erupted in applause. The audience did nothing else. No vigilante mobs ran from the auditorium to plant finance executive heads on pikes. No financial executives were harmed during the making of the film, and no financial executives were harmed after the ceremony pretending Inside Job mattered. The people in the audience all understood that their own projects, and so their own careers, depended upon the people Charlie poked fun at - even that squirrelly economist Mishkin, who helped trash Iceland, liked the movie. "I've been in a movie!" he giggled. It was all good: Tolerant Repression and Double Speak is Good Business in America. Orwell and Marcuse are to the present what Rogers and Hammerstein were to Oklahoma.

Ferguson is not the first to work the outrage schtick over the lack of criminal cases to spring from the financial crisis, and his speech triggered a wave of similarly prosecutorial sentiments, the "tsk tsk, somebody should do something about that" noises required as polite company maintains the pretense of one's having a conscience. Since that February night, financial journalists, bloggers, and who knows how many dinner party guests have debated the trillion-dollar question, to fill space and waste time in a world that cannot employ everyone who wants to work: If a Wall Street executive were sent to jail, would he be a bitch or have one?

There are those who know that prosecutors are too cozy with Wall Street when they are not incompetent, and they will not or cannot bring cases to court. Thus, in a measured piece that assessed the guilt of various financial executives, New York Times columnist Joe Nocera lamented that "Wall Street bigwigs whose firms took unconscionable risks … aren't even on Justice's radar screen." A news story in the Times about a mortgage executive who was convicted of criminal fraud observed, "The Justice Dept. has yet to bring charges against an executive who ran a major Wall Street firm leading up to the disaster." In the same dispassionate tone, National Public Radio's All Things Considered chimed in, "Some of the most publicly reviled figures in the mortgage mess won't face any public accounting." New York magazine saw fit to print the informed and practical opinion of Bernie Madoff - a man who knows first hand how crooked is his business, who observed that the dearth of criminal convictions is "unbelievable." Rolling Stone, which has been beating this drum the longest and with the heaviest hand, reductively asked, "Why isn't Wall Street in jail?" An actual attorney who sent people to jail after the last big financial crises during the Savings & Loan fiasco of the Reagan-Bush years, William Black - now a professor of law and economics at UMKC - has regularly documented the extent to which regulators simply fail to even look for fraud, but he's somebody that I won't even bother to refute, because, well fuck, he's at UMKC. We all practice ad hominem in this business. I'm Roger Lowenstein; fuck Bill Black.

These sentiments imply that the financial crisis was caused by fraud - but they mistake what's legal and what's just somebody deliberately presenting what's not true as true; they think that people who take big risks should be subject to a criminal investigation when there's reason to think those risks were not accurately put to investors; they think that executives of large financial firms should be criminal suspects after a crash when there's reason to think the executives knew they were going to cause a crash and were calculating when to bail; that public revulsion indicates likely culpability because people know how crooked they themselves are; that it is conceivable (to Madoff, anyway) that people could lose so much money absent a conspiracy, because people know that when each does what it best for himself, they can make things worse off for everyone if they don't get out of the game just in time; they think Wall Street bears collective guilt for which it should be decimated, literally, and randomly, just like the Romans did.

These assumptions do no more violence to our system of justice than we do daily - everybody knows how cops and prosecutors fix evidence and juries convict innocent people. They do somewhat hinder our understanding of the crisis, because it is possible that a good criminal defense lawyer could get most these executives out of court conviction free. The claim that it was "caused by financial fraud" is debatable since what's legal is hardly fair or ethical or right, and the weight of the evidence is nothing we'll ever measure - because the fact is, in America, very few people with money or power or status go to jail. Sure, there is the occasional Lindsey Lohan or Tom Delay, but they are window dressing. In American, having money means hardly ever being responsible for one's failings, mistakes, malfeasance, or fraud. Jail is for poor white trash, niggers, spics, and A-rabs.

The financial crisis was accompanied by fraud, we all know that, on the part of mortgage applicants as well as banks, which run themselves and have no executives looking at any of the paperwork. It was caused, more nearly, by a speculative bubble in mortgages, in which bankers, who are not executives and do not have relations with Wall Street or applicants, and investors, who were not told anything by anybody on Wall Street, and coked out S&M playing regulators, all of who were "snow" blind to risk. More broadly, the crash was the result of our financial culture, to which capitalists have fled in search of rents, as no other profits can be easily found, especially after a period of buoyancy, to push leverage and risk-taking to the extreme. The limit of financial speculation, is of course, instantaneous. Flash trading is what mortgages would be if people did not believe they need places to live while waiting for their web pages to refresh. it could well be that it was all legal and I'm here to defend it.

Mortgage fraud exacerbated the bubble the same way masturbation engorges one's genitalia —as did, among other factors I should blame to mollify every bourgeois thinker who has a particular primary pet cause: lax monetary policy, failure by Congress and successive administrations to rein in Fannie Mae (FNMA) and Freddie Mac (FMCC), and weak financial regulation, the product of the ridiculous but entrenched ideological conceit that markets are efficient and self-policing, a conceit promoted by economists hired by Wall Street to promote the delusion, to gut the rules that maybe still were not violated. At the banks, overconfidence in "risk management" methods (which were mostly worthless, because the entire strategy is to be the next-to last person to hand off the asset claiming future benefits for immediately marketable benefits in the "now") and compensation practices (to correlate to the demand for benefits as near to "now" as practicably possible) were serious contributing causes. And it could be that this was all legal, and was made legal, so that people who understood how to make money once the rules were changed could do so. The best of thieves do not violate they law - they take everything they can with the permission of the State.

As this list suggests, the meltdown was multi-causal, and since charging multiple defendants who will not roll on each other is hard, that explanation will be unsatisfying to armchair prosecutors who are so naive as to think that law and justice and fairness and right have familial relations. It does have have the virtue of answering to the complex nature of the bubble. To prosecute white-collar crime is right and proper, and a necessary aspect of deterrence, but by "white collar" most people think of the schmuck accountant who pockets a few ten thousands, or the business man who pads his expense account to a few ten thousands - hey, maybe even up to a million. But hundreds of millions? That's not crime, that's aggressive business. Trials are meant to deter crime - like selling somebody a quarter ounce of Willy Weed — not to deter home foreclosures or economic downturns which have been caused by people who brought that about doing what may have been legal even if wrong. And to look for criminality as the supposed source of the crisis is to misread its origins badly - because IF what finance capitalists did was legal, then the crises is not for the bad acts of bad people, but for the self-interested acts in a bad system by people with no moral center, no sense of right, to act differently than they did.

Consider an oft-cited example of a high Wall Street crime: Lehman Brothers' use of an accounting tactic known as Repo 105. Lehman exploited a loophole in accounting rules to sell assets, getting them off its balance sheet even as it was obligated to repurchase them a short while later. They knew they'd done this. This gave it an end-of-quarter appearance of being less leveraged, which they knew in their business is a desirable quality to attract investors. Lehman used Repo 105 as early as 2001, and increasingly in 2007 and '08, when it was concerned about its reported leverage. Lehman's transactions may have been individually permissible (and were blessed by its auditor, Ernst & Young). But the seeming intent—to mislead investors—was dishonest, and the tactic raised concerns within Lehman at the time.

To prosecute it criminally, however, you would need to show willful intent to defraud, which is difficult. We don't read minds. Just because some guy gets into his car and says "watch this" and drives it into a brick wall, one cannot infer that his driving it into the wall is what he wanted you to watch. But suppose it were criminal. Suppose further that Richard Fuld, the firm's chief executive officer, was one of the perps. It remains, at most, a trivial event in the subsequent crash, so quitchyer bitchen. Although Repo 105 enabled Lehman to mask $50 billion of debt, the firm's reported debt was more than $600 billion. The whole scheme of finance was crooked, but legal. That had all been set into motion through 20 years of scheming to make it legal to subject third persons to such risks for one's own benefit. Put differently, Lehman's net leverage ratio was either 15 times or 17 times, both sky-high. Think of it this way: You got a sack of marbles, some are black , the rest are white. You pull a black marble, you lose a finger. We're only arguing whether the mix of black and white marbles makes your chances of losing a finger about 7 in a hundred or 6 in a hundred in round numbers - hey, we're talking fingers and marbles. It's still a stupid game to play, but some people do like to gamble. Either way, the world knew it was highly leveraged, and its solvency was a matter of intense public debate. Had Lehman presented its balance sheet truthfully, it might have suffered its crisis earlier, but probably not, because the people in that business like to gamble; or maybe it would have failed in July instead of September. Regardless, the cause of the failure wasn't Lehman's misguided attempt to beautify its books. But it was the cause of people keeping investments there - but you cannot read anybody's mind. The cause of their collapse was its excessive appetite for debt, and the risk tolerance of its creditors, for years before, which then caused the particular investors to lose their money.

This distinction may seem a quibble, but the yearning to pin the crisis on a handful of supposed criminals distorts the story we tell about it, because this is not about a criminal person, but about a criminal system. The mortgage crisis was a societal breakdown—a massive failure of the private market, Wall Street in particular. It wasn't, fundamentally, rooted in fraud. Enron was fraud. What they did was illegal, because they hadn't yet got all the rules changed for their benefit. The bankers convicted in the savings and loan scandal when William Black was not at UMKC were fraudulent. These people had their hands, willfully, in the till—and knew it.

Bankers in the '00s behaved frightfully, often with utter disregard for fiscal soundness, but in general, far more harm to the financial system was wreaked by actions that were made legal so that they could what they did. The rating agencies were a shining example. Ratings were crucial to the distribution of mortgage securities, and therefore to the bubble. The agencies sold their ratings to the very firms that were peddling the bonds, and thus were in a highly conflicted position. They did not secretly conspire to trade ratings for cash—they didn't need to. Everybody knows its hard to get somebody to believe something when their job depends upon their not believing it. The relationship was as open as that between an out-of-town software salesman and hooker in his car in the parking lot outside a bar, and the "suasion" was real gradual, slow, and systematic. Over time, under the influence of pressure, and also due to their own rising throbbing discomfort, the agents became steadily less vigilant, less rigid, less hard in applying themselves. To call them criminal is to call the culture criminal, which is a point of moral theory and social-political philosophy, not law. More exactly, the question should be: What's to be done to those who knowingly exploited a corrupt system that did tremendous harm when what they did was legal? Why should pedantry both compound and excuse the harm?

By contrast, in another oft-cited example, when Lloyd Blankfein, CEO of Goldman Sachs (GS), testified that Goldman "didn't have a massive short against the housing market," he was just telling lies. All the other evidence suggests Goldman was indeed short. Blankfein's testimony crossed the line into perjury (so, by all means charge him), but it was irrelevant to the financial crisis, which long preceded it. Goldman has, more generally, suffered from the presumption that anyone who made money during the meltdown must have been guilty of something hideous (this was the reason for Blankfein's denial). I wasn't a fan of Goldman's slickness in letting a short-seller design a collateralized debt obligation that Goldman marketed to clients, for which it was sanctioned by the Securities and Exchange Commission, which had been corrupted so that Goldman and the rest could do as they did. However, its unsavory dealmaking should not obscure that in betting, correctly, against the housing market, it helped mitigate the crash for some of its customers and investors. Had more firms done as Goldman and shorted mortgages, fewer unsound loans would have been issued, unless of course there had been people to take the other-side of the bets, which there might have been, since the knowledge that Goldman was short would have enticed others to buy up mortgage securities and hold them hostage to Goldman's detriment.

Converse to the Goldman example of punishing profits, there is an assumption that heads of failed Wall Street banks should stand trial for their failures if they caused those failures. The most competent "thief", in my opinion, was Stanley O'Neal, the former CEO of Merrill Lynch, who remained blissfully unaware (I can read his mind, he did not know it, I promise) that Merrill held a devastating $50 billion of CDOs until it was too late for Merrill Lynch investors, but not for him, to bail. His exit package, worth $160 million at the time, was a disgrace to the Merrill board that allowed it, but it was probably as legal as anything Goldman did.

Imprisonment is a punishment for criminality - like selling somebody an ounce of Willy Weed and getting busted for a second time, still a felony in most states even these days — not a sociological remedy for unfairness, incompetence, or outsize losses. "To send someone to jail," says Joel Seligman, who wrote an authoritative history of the SEC and is now president of the University of Rochester, "it isn't enough to say their firm lost money, or their clients lost money. You have to be able to read the minds of those executives, and we cannot do that."

The demands for jail sentences are buttressed by the populist notion that Wall Street is basically a Ponzi scheme, which it sort of is, because the sale of assets as one needs to dispose of them for retirement, or school, or an emergency, etc., supposes that somebody else will show up and say "I'll take that claim on future benefits and give you this immediately liquid stuff you can use to pay rent, buy groceries, fill your prescriptions, etc." Ponzi, of course, derives from Charles Ponzi, an immigrant financier who created a sensation in Boston in 1920 by promising 50 percent returns in 45 days. Although he claimed to be investing in postal reply coupons—buying discounted international postage and redeeming it for face value in the U.S.—Ponzi had no source of funds other than those from investors. Madoff was his carbon copy. But was all of Wall Street a copy, too?

Ferguson says yes. Recently the director slammed author Diana B. Henriques (The Wizard of Lies: Bernie Madoff and the Death of Trust) for failing to see, as Ferguson does, that Madoff shed "a ghoulishly revealing light … on what was contemporaneously happening to America's financial system and government." This overlooks some minor distinctions that in sum make no difference, and as we know, to be a difference a difference must make a difference. Mortgage securities had essential Ponzi qualities in that new financing was required to sustain people whose mortgages were under water and the people whose securities were "backed" by those underwater mortgages. More to the point, the supply of new securities was required to sustain the people who made their livings both generating them and then passing them onto other parties, having "no skin in the game" as people in the trade like to say. Many companies would grind to a halt without refinancing. The reason some don't is that some have genuine income. This was also true of mortgage securities in the earliest of days - remember the FHA and the Federal Farm/Home Loan Banks? - so long as the mortgages where backed by people with jobs who made mortgage payments. The system of issuing bonds backed by mortgage payments had endured, with few hiccups, for 30 years. Mortgages were not postal reply coupons. They became, of course, hugely overextended because banks and mortgage firms loaned "home" buyers money with the understanding that the buyers were going to roll over the property in a few weeks or months. There were no incomes backing the mortgages - only debt behind the debt. This proves the truism that Wall Street takes a good idea to extreme, whence springs trouble. Even so, being negligent and even reckless with a viable business is not the same as cooking up a scheme in which revenue never existed; rather it is taking a scheme that assumed revenues exist and then deliberately dropping that assumption and pretending it is reasonable, and therefore not illegal.

Markets inevitably attract con men, but not every episode of wrongdoing warrants high-level prosecution. Still, on May 3, the Justice Dept. brought a scathing civil action against Deutsche Bank (DB) claiming the bank lied about the risk in mortgages that a subsidiary endorsed as qualifying for Federal Housing Administration insurance. The case involves 39,000 loans, whose quality the Deutsche unit was required to monitor. Some 12,000 of the loans defaulted. According to the suit, Deutsche (taking advantage of the government insurance) didn't even bother to read reports detailing the loans' poor quality. The bank even reassigned the staff member dedicated to auditing the mortgages to producing more mortgages! Deutsche has denied the charges. Bill Black will tell you that the FBI first brought reports of this kind of fraud in other institutions to the Justice Department as early as 2004, so the fact that it's taken 7 years to do something to the subsidiary of a German Bank proves that nobody in America is very likely going to jail for this kind of stuff.

The Justice Dept. has already been ripped, publicly, for failing to prosecute. It is worth noting that the U.S. attorney on the Deutsche case, Reet Petite Preet Bharara, is the same attorney conducting the trial of Raj Rajaratnam, the hedge fund manager convicted of insider trading. In deciding whether to bring a criminal case at Deutsche, Justice had to answer whether senior executives had intimate participation in the bad behavior. The question was complicated by the fact that Deutsche acquired the lending subsidiary only in January 2007—when, according to the Frankfurt-based investment bank, 90 percent of the loans had already been issued. If Justice did decide that higher-ups were implicated, it had to resolve whether they merely failed to monitor loan quality or actively conspired to defraud. The latter is harder to prove and presumably less frequent. In a civil action, a verdict may be based on the preponderance of evidence. A criminal case requires a stronger narrative—and a willful protagonist. One of the first prosecutions in the wake of the mortgage bust (against two Bear Stearns hedge fund managers accused of lying about the risk in their funds' portfolios) failed precisely because the e-mail evidence attesting to the defendants' state of mind was contradictory.

While it may be harder to prove criminal guilt, it's easier for people to believe that some bad actor is the cause of bad things. This is a persistent trait in the national character. Historian Richard Hofstadter identified it in 1964 as The Paranoid Style in American Politics. He was writing mostly about McCarthyism, though he recognized that paranoia isn't limited to the political Right. All you people who think Wall Street executives should be investigated for criminality are McCarthy-ites - alcoholic sexually frustrated latently homosexual narcissists - and you should be ashamed of yourselves. You have no worthy cause: convicting criminals, especially in high places, isn't worthy when doing so is a threat to our way of life.

The paranoid style, as Hofstadter defined it, has as much to do with "style" as paranoia—it's about "the way in which ideas are believed [more] than with the truth or falsity of their content." It spawned a rhetoric that tilted every question toward conspiracy, so that random or unfortunate events were seen to compose a "baffling pattern." Thus, the "sharp decline"—Hofstadter was writing about America's perceived international strength, a "decline" which did not happen, not the price of real estate, which did happen — but the latter did not "just happen." It was inevitably brought about by "will and intention" - not the collapse per se, but the acts which caused the collapse. So the analogy does not hold. To repeat: McCarthy just made shit up, and paranoids believed him. The real estate markets collapsed, the economy went with it, and reasonable people want government to investigate people who had causal roles in the collapse, to distinguish coincidence from deliberate misrepresentation and manipulation of the rules.

We could follow this strain through the dismal historiography of JFK assassination buffs to the beliefs that Washington was implicated in Pearl Harbor and Sept. 11, to the anti-federalist fantasies of the far right, because my point here is to besmirch and taint anyone and everyone who thinks like Bill Black and anybody else who says I pose a false analogy. Such inquiries adhere to what Nassim N. Taleb, author of The Black Swan, describes as the "narrative fallacy"—the desire to impose on chaotic events a more deterministic set of causalities. Although a few people forecast the crash, most people (even in financial firms) did not. Therefore, it was chaotic, not caused, and let's not get bogged down by acknowledging that chaos theory IS a version of determinism - reality is aperiodic, but it is still deterministic. There was a debate over whether a bubble existed because some people needed to deny it to keep making money from it. This is not to deny the atrociously unsound, and often unethical, loan practices. It is to assert that Stan O'Neal probably did not recognize that the mortgages his firm owned were a house of cards, and we are not to suppose that his not knowing is a failure in his fiduciary responsibilities, which are in fact legal duties. The evidence of bad lending was not so widely recognized t as it was later because, as I pointed out above, it is hard to get people to admit and act on what they know when their livelihood depends upon their not admitting and not acting. Even when subprime issuers were in a state of collapse, Ben Bernanke and his colleagues were deeply divided over whether the U.S. faced a recession. The Federal Reserve's view was a muddle because there is a revolving door from academica to Wall Street to the Fed Res, one big circle jerk of self-congratulating and mutually admiring suck-ups. In contrast, the story that accusers tell is coherent, because we have disciplines like sociology and anthropology. Hofstadter recognized, "the paranoid mind is far more coherent than the real world", but that does not imply every coherent accounting of the world is a paranoid one.

It may seem incredible that foolishness, greed, and negligence that lead to a calamitous, long-enduring recession in which millions of people lost their jobs is not illegal, not the criminal failure of those having fiduciary responsibilities, but that just might be the case. Financial history is replete with bubbles and crashes. No single person—no single criminal, that is—caused the Great Depression. Stock manipulation (most of it, at the time, legal, which is my central thesis here) was surely a factor in the Crash of '29. Exhibit A was Charles E. Mitchell, president of National City Bank. "Sunshine Charley" avidly sold securities of dubious character to hapless clients and whipped up speculation with margin loans. His trial, on charges of tax evasion, resulted in acquittal. However, the country drew the right lessons. It enacted rules for securities disclosure and created a cop on the beat (the SEC, subsequently corrupted beginning with the first of Reagan Mis-Administrations). It also established deposit insurance, which would avert future bank runs. Bankers, though not incarcerated, were shamed, thanks to electrifying public hearings.

Mitchell's closest contemporary peer is Angelo Mozilo. A flamboyant salesman, Mozilo did more at his Countrywide Financial than anyone to popularize subprime mortgages, as well as mortgages with no money down. Neither the products nor their popularization is a crime unless you can read his mind and show that he knew this scheme would eventually collapse - that it was a Ponzi scheme. Under Mozilo, Countrywide Financial issued billions of dollars of mortgages with apparent neglect for whether the borrowers were creditworthy - the assumption of incomes abandoned as described above. His company contributed to the heights of the bubble and to the depths of the crash. Such behavior is why financial markets require renewed, tough regulation and supervision. Nobody should be held accountable for what they've done, we should just all go along and get along, let bygones be bygones. It's also why the compensation system must be overhauled to remove the incentive for creating ephemeral profits that ultimately go up in smoke. Congress has gone to exhaustive labors, enacting the 2,000-page Dodd-Frank reform (which, among other provisos, creates a new consumer protection bureau) to prevent a future Mozilo. To the extent the reforms may be lacking, it is up to Congress, not the Justice Dept., to make amends. And we know we can count on Congress to do the right thing.

Mozilo settled civil charges with the SEC for a record $67.5 million, and he will still die a rich man. He's never standing in line at a food bank. Hell, most of the fine was paid by Bank of America (BAC). The guy's as slick as goose shit on wet grass.. Moreover, the settlement was dwarfed by Mozilo's compensation, which included (but was in no way limited to) stock sales of nearly $140 million prior to Countrywide's collapse. Prosecutors investigated Mozilo but didn't charge him. They want to have careers after their government service, and they know where they money is. Their decision was disappointing if you believe in good government and public accountability, but that's all bullshit, naive bullshit. Indictments cannot be geared to repairing feelings wrong doing. Lanny Breuer, head of the Justice Dept.'s criminal division, told NPR he sought to bring cases only where guilt could be proved beyond a reasonable doubt, and without filtering decisions through the screen of public opinion. This statement was remarkable only in that Breuer said it, because nobody believes him.

Seligman says he sees "a serious enforcement effort," both civil and prosecutorial. It's hard, of course, to second-guess any specific decision not to indict. But it's worth remembering that in the American legal system, people who merely act badly or unwisely do not do time - unless they are selling dope to consenting adults - And people who contribute to a financial collapse aren't guilty of a crime absent specific violations that make them so. We should be thankful for that, because those people made me lots of money.

Lowenstein is a propagandist for Bloomberg News.

Amity Says: Bring the Calamity On....

2011-05-12T09:55:00.000-05:00

"Calamity" Amity Shlaes, the Yalie and well regarded historical fiction author, believes the deals being made in Congress to raise the debt ceiling will do nothing but perpetuate the nation's deficit spending habits.

Shlaes prefers that we - meaning other people - endure the inevitable harms and misfortunes that will fall to people other than Shlaes and her friends, and recommends not raising the debt ceiling at all. "In the tradition of Karl Marx and Von Hayek and Mellon and Hoover, she is a 'liquidationist', someone who believes that capitalism must necessarily cycle through glut and deprivation, and that's just what has to happen to make us all better off than we would be if we had different beliefs and concocted some other way of addressing over-production, mal-investment, rents, speculation, etc. So she hopes that by making it look as if the Federal Government will not make good on its obligations, people will flee dollar denominated assets, and that will crash the economy, which has to happen soon or latter so just get it over with" explained Brad Delong.

Shlaes, author of "Forget You, Man," a historical fiction of the Great Depression and New Deal programs of President Franklin Roosevelt which imagines how the 1930's would have been had those programs failed, spoke Wednesday at the Fort Henry Clubbing And Mutual Admiration Society in Wheeling as a guest of The Western Libertarian Snooty People University's Center for Economic Obscurantism. She said the deals being made to raise the debt limit "are not enough to make it worth it" and actually don't make much sense to her because "if you are going to spend less money, then you can stay below the debt ceiling, but that might not cause the crash we must eventually endure, 'we' not meaning the people in this room, so a stronger shove is needed - we will have to spook people into jumping off the cliff ...."

In response to a question from Wheeling resident Robert Levenson on whether the debt ceiling should be lifted, Shlaes said the following: "What (Levenson's) really asking ... is do we force (a second financial crisis) now? I (think we) do, I actually do." Mr. Levenson objected he was asking how NOT to force such a crises and hopes to avoid one, to which Ms. Shlaes responded "You obviously don't get it, we must cycle through glut and deprivation, so you should just shut the fuck up, sit the fuck down, open your goddamn fucking ears, and listen to people who know way the fuck more than you do about just about everything."

"I'm not at all radical. Most markets-oriented people think we should just refinance, like a family in a crisis would have, which supposes that national economies of countries issuing debt in their own currency are best understood by analogy to bourgeois households, which is kind of a stupid idea when you stop and think about it. I'm concerned that all the things the ... opponents of the need to bring on the next crises are demanding in exchange for agreeing to raise the debt ceiling are not enough to cause the crises anyway," she said.

"I believe, it is my faith my creed my color my sacred oath, there will be a second crisis after the current crisis. Yes. And it will be a great monetary, crisis, yes, because the contradictions of capitalism have been displaced from the real economy production of commodities, in which labor and capital dispute the shares of production in their real time series of nows, and instead those contradictions unfold in the temporal regime of finance, where all profits are speculations on the collections of FUTURE shares of production, collapsed at the limit to the instant of a single now. What's happened is that the present stream of promised future shares of production has outstripped the financial processes that retire existing debt. So somebody has to be left holding the empty bag, the one that gets nothing put into it - that is, no claims on future distributions of real production. That monetary crisis is what Standard and Poors is trying to set in motion because they've made bets that the dollar is going to fall, nobody will want them, and so S&P has to make that happen when they said you better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout cuz I'm telling you why the United States might not be as well rated as you're accustomed to it being."

Shlaes also said she reads her historical fiction to the freshman class of Congress because some of them cannot fall asleep at night unless they are read to - like Paul Ryan, who sleeps on his couch and really has a hard time falling asleep. "They call it 'The Calamity Amity Treatment'" she giggled.

In discussing the current financial crisis, Shlaes said the government made one major mistake in handling the matter. "When the initial crisis happened, everyone said we had to do something or we would have disaster in our economy. And everyone said the great error is that Lehman Brothers was not rescued the way AIG ... was rescued. I think looking back, I would say that the great error was rescuing anybody at all, not failing to rescue Lehman Brothers. I say since we have to have a crises, let's git'er'duuuuunnnnn."

Shlaes, a Yalie, is also a Senior Fairy Tale Teller with the Council of Fraudulent Relations.

© Copyright 2011 The Anti-Intelligencer / Wheels Falling Off News-Register. All rights reserved, all wrongs distributed. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed, though it can be.

Icky Vicky Hartzler Is Gonna Be My Next Congresshill, and It's Gonna Be Fun to Have Her

2011-05-09T10:00:00.001-05:00

It's been misnamed and spun as the ‘Path to Prosperity,’ by its hapless creator, U.S. Rep. Paul "Beeker" Ryan, R-Wis. It would repeal the Affordable Care Act, otherwise known to Teabaggers and Republickers as "Obamacare", steal Medicare from Americans under 55, surrender Medicaid to states for abuse by corrupt governors and nitwit legislatures like that moron in the Missouri Senate, "Red Light' Lembke, and cut taxes on people who usually cheat and under-pay their taxes from 35 percent to 25 percent.

Feckless Democrats mumble these are the same policies the Idiot Bush Secundum administration applied to the tax code, which did not one fucking good thing for the economy but instead laid the foundation for today's economic malaise. Feckless Democrats also say the changes to Medicare entirely redefine the nearly-5o year old social insurance program which was created for seniors who were unable to obtain insurance, to which Teabaggers and their Republicker stooges say "Yeah, so, what's your point?" Republickers point out that Americans are stupid and sent Teabaggers to Washington last November, so they get what they deserve.

Rep. Icky Vicky Hartzler, R-Harrisonville, told a town hall meeting in her district last month the reason for her being elected was to “Take [fourth district] idiocy — our ignorance, our indifference, our zenophobia, our homophobia, and turn things around in a quick march to the past… They need our values in Washington D.C. ... It is not our values, it is not the purpose of government, to provide equality of opportunity or ensure the welfare of those who cannot ensure their own. It is the purpose of government, it is our values, that the government send me and my husband an average of $55,320.64 in farm subsidies for each of the last 14 years and for as many years or more yes, I say more, into the future. You know how much money that is? That's more than most school teachers in Missouri, with a Master's degree, get paid - well, maybe after 14 years on the job, they might get that much. But I've collected that for 14 years. Why do you think I quit teaching?"

Pressed on the specifics of the Ayn Rand inspired "Final Solution Stage 1" concocted by Beeker Ryan, Hartzler said the tax cuts were, much like they were proposed in the last decade, to spur job creation.

“Well we know that's actually bullshit — there's no truth to the lie we Teabaggers and Republickers spin that there are all these poor poor poor business owners that right now are having to sit and make the choice between hiring a new worker, or sending more [money] to Washington, D.C,” Hartzler told PoliticMo. "The fact is, business America is flush with capital, but there are no profitable places to invest. There is too much debt over-hang, there is too much excess capacity. Thank god that earthquake took out some of Toyota. You know that if all the auto plants on planet earth operated at full capacity, the world could not buy all of their output? It's just a fact, even though those "geniuses" who call themselves economists cannot agree how or why it happens, but it is just a fact that capitalism accumulates too much capital in its profitable sectors until they just implode, or survive through government largess and market regulation. But I digress, because my job here - which is easy because Americans really are stupid - is to say if they’re allowed to keep more of their money, they can put it back in their business and create jobs. Jokes on you.”

Hartzler said cutting taxes from 35 percent to 24 percent was “just noise. Nobody pays anything like 35 percent. We have all kinds of loop holes, accounting tricks, hell, some people still just hide cash in the walls of their house. Can't tax what ya can't count. But some bullshit number like this is a start.” She, like many Republickers, pretended to challeng Democrats to propose their own plan, knowing full well that various caucuses of the Feckless Dems have in fact made proposals, and then she said she would not support any tax increase in a compromise deal because she works for the people Grover "The Muppet" Norquist represents.

Rep. Todd "Don't Call Me Claude" Akin, R-St. Louis, co-sponsored the Final Solution Stage 1 bill for the Republickers. In a statement, Akin said the proposition “restores the future, whatever the fuck that means,” for Americans.

“Because of Chairman Beeker Ryan’s astute foresight and correct theory, as demonstrated in his most correct interpretation of the profound texts given us by our leading Atheist, Ayn Rand, we have produced a budget that helps spur job growth today blah blah blah, stops spending money the government doesn’t have except on the bullshit that we can always find money to do, and lifts the crushing burden of debt. This plan puts the budget on the path to balance, though I have no idea what syntax lets me say we are on a path to a verb, and the economy on the path to liquidation. We are not going to kill off the last of the New Deal until we bring a resolute Fascist-Capitalist alliance to power, and we know from our own history, as contrasted with that of Italy's and Germany's, what is to be done,” Akin smirked.

Florida Passes "Pediatrician Shut The Fuck Up Cuz We Loves Guns Bill"

2011-05-07T23:29:00.002-05:00

Florida Gov. Rick "Shit For Brains" Scott is expected to sign a bill that will make the state the first in the nation to prohibit doctors from asking patients if they own guns, setting a precedent that legislatures may and can prohibit doctors from asking patients if they molest their children, fuck their dogs, or keep bleach under their kitchen sink.

The bill is aimed particularly at pediatricians because gun lobbyists know how to divide and conquer, and because some pediatricians routinely ask new parents if they have guns at home and if they're stored safely; and whether electrical outlets are covered; and whether open stair wells have security gates; and whether kitchen cabinets containing poisonous household items - which in sufficient quantities can be used to manufacture weapons of mass destruction - are closed with child-proof locks.

Pediatricians say it's about preventing accidental injuries - because it's cheaper to prevent a death or disease or a life-long mutilation caused by an accidental gun discharge than it is to cure that disease or remedy the mutilation. Gun rights lobbyists and men with teeny tiny little penises say the doctors have a political agenda, which is is to make them feel like the insecure and immoral scumbags they know they are.

"We take our children to pediatricians for medical care — not moral judgment, not privacy intrusions," said Marion "Hammerhead" Hammer, NRA baglady. "If my old man gives my daughter v.d. or knocks her up, that's none of the doctor's goddamn fucking business. His business is to cure my child's v.d., or deliver that inbred imbecile my child is carrying. Otherwise, what happens in my house is nun'o'da'docs fucking bidness. Except that the muther fucker better be doing those sonograms on them pregnant bitches - it's a baby, not a choice."

An Invasion Of Privacy?
As parents know, pediatricians ask a lot of questions. Dr. Louis St. Petery says it's all part of what doctors call "anticipatory guidance" — teaching parents how to safeguard against accidental injuries. Pediatricians ask about bike helmets, seat belts, kitchen and bathroom cabinets, stairs, doors that open to the outside, kitchen draws with knives, how pots and pans of boiling water or frying grease are left on the stove, prescription medications, over-the-counter medications, and other concerns, e.g., how stupid are the parents who have somehow managed to breed.

"If you have a pool, let's talk about pool safety so we don't have accidental drownings," he says. "And if you have firearms, let's talk about gun safety so that they're stored properly — you know, the gun needs to be locked up, the ammunition stored separate from the gun, etc., so that children don't have access to them."

For decades, the American Academy of Pediatrics has encouraged its members to ask questions about guns and how they're stored, as part of well-child visits.

But Marion "Hammerhead" Hammer , the National Rifle Association's gun manufacturer baglady in Tallahassee, says that's not a pediatrician's job.

"We take our children to pediatricians for medical care — not moral judgment, not privacy intrusions," she says. "What the fuck happened to them, how it happened to them, who did it to them - nun'o'da'docs fucking bidness. His - or her, could be some snooty intrusive bitch doc - bidness is to fix the problem. Causes is nun'o'da'docs fucking bidness. Cept he or she better be doing those sonograms. Save those babies."

U.S.

The History And Evolution Of The NRA

NRA shills for the weapons industry helped write a bill that largely bans health professionals from asking about guns, inviting each and every interest group to write a bill stifling doctors from asking about anything that the interest group suspects is against their interest. Hammer says she and other NRA members consider the questions an intrusion on their Second Amendment rights, but if other groups, e.g., big pharma, objects to doctors asking about prescription abuse, well, too too too fucking bad for people and the First Amendment. What matters is the economic interest of gun makers, gun dealers, munitions makers, and big pharma. "Nobody has the right to use the First Amendment to talk to anybody about how the Second Amendment should be understood without NRA approval," said Hammer. "Ergo, nobody has the right to talk about anything covered by the Second Amendment without our approval."

"This bill is about helping families who are complaining about being questioned about gun ownership, because deep down inside, they feel uneasy and guilty about their obsession, their fetish, their twisted sexual sublimation of their gun love, and they don't want reminding that maybe they should take a little precaution to insure their child doesn't sleep in his or her piss and feces the rest of their life, or breath through a tube forever, so my job is to blame the 'growing anti-gun political agenda' being carried out in examination rooms by doctors and staffs, even though, actually lots of doctors and nurses and staff are in households with guns, they just keep them where two-year olds cannot get to them," Hammer says.

It's not just questions in the examining room that lead the NRA to charge pediatricians with a political agenda. Out of concern for the high number of firearms injuries among children and adolescents, the American Academy of Pediatrics is also on record supporting gun control. Said Hammer: "Some people just think that it should not be as easy to buy a firearm as it is to buy a golf club, even though one could beat somebody to death with a golf club. Not as many people, as quickly, but it could be done. And if the assailant got away with it, or got paroled after a short sentence, they could be back out beating people to death with a golf club. So actually, doctors should not be allowed to ask about golf clubs, now that I think about it."

'More Children [Will Be] Injured And Killed'
In a compromise with another doctors' group, the Florida Medical Association, the NRA agreed to one exception to the ban: Doctors would be permitted to ask questions about guns in cases where they feel it's directly relevant to the patient's care or the safety of others. "This is of course the loop hole that let's me collect my paycheck but doesn't really stop a doc from asking anything he or she thinks he or she should. We really are a bunch of cynical unprincipled turds. We live off the rest of you chumps, you know that, right?" blushed Hammer.

Dr. Paul Robinson, a specialist in adolescent medicine, told a Florida Senate committee recently that the compromise would probably allow doctors to counsel suicidal teens. But there are other cases, he said, where the law — and the doctor's options — are less clear until various judges fart their opinions. If a doctors questions are met by a judge who knows that the NRA is morally depraved, you'll get one decision; if the same facts - say, a doc asked a chronic heavy drunk "Do you keep your shotgun out of reach of your 5 year old?" and it is ruled on by a drinking judge with a teeny tiny weenie weenie, well, that doctor is probably fucked, explained Robinson.

But what if a doctor's patient is an adolescent who's been bullied, who's not suicidal, but like most reasonable people wishes to protect his/her space in reality?

"I don't think, under the current bill, I'm entitled to ask him if there's a gun in the home, or if he's carried a gun to school, or if he's thinking of harming someone else with a gun" said Dr. Paul Robinson. "I'd be allowed to ask him if he's carrying a knife, or an ice pick, or a screw-driver he or she has sharpened with a bench-grinder in their dad's garage; but whether I can ask about a gun will depend up which judge or review board farts their opinion that my question was directly relevant to the child's care or the safety of others."

Few of those who voted in favor of the bill spoke out, either in committee or on the floor, because they are ashamed and they get paid by the weapons lobby regardless. One who did speak out was state Sen. Alan Hays, a retired dentist from Central Florida.

"It's none of my business what kind of weapons, if any weapons, you have in your home," he said. "When you come to see me, or you bring one of your children to see me, my obligation is to find out what medical things are pertinent to your particular situation. So if I see symptoms of venereal disease in your child's mouth - it's not my job to ask you questions like "Have you seen these?" but to do a biopsy, or send your kid to a dental surgeon, somebody above my pay grade. I want no responsibility for the possibility that you as somebody who can breed are a fucking moron, or a child molester. I fill teeth, I pull teeth, I cap teeth, that's about it. If your kid is acting depressed and suicidal and says you make them do things that make them feel icky, that's not my problem. Mostly, I don't want people anywhere talking about anything I don't want them talking about, which is anything that makes me uncomfortable. You have no right to make me uncomfortable. It is my right to be happy. Thomas Jefferson proved it."

Ultimately, both Florida's Senate and House sucked off the NRA and voted to approve the bill. For supporters of gun rights, it's another victory — one that St. Petery says will negatively affect pediatricians and their patients.

"Many pediatricians will think twice about asking about firearms and discussing firearms safety," he says. "What I think is going to happen is there'll be more children injured and killed from firearms in the home that are not properly stored."

Although Florida's Legislature is the first to approve the measure, it's also being considered in other states where most members of the legislature have I.Q.s of 90 or less, including North Carolina and Alabama.

Motorola Extorts $100,000,000 from Illinois; "Give it up or we walk, we're mobile."

2011-05-07T11:10:00.002-05:00

Illinois forks over tax collections in 10-year "deal" to keep smartphone for dumb-asses company in Libertyville labor camp

By Edgar Bergen and Wailin Wrong, Tribulation spinners
9:48 PM CDT, May 6, 2011

Pat "Patty Cakes" Quinn, local lieutenant of the Rammie Manual Gang, put up more than $100 million in money stolen from workers to bribe the smart-phone for dumb-asses company Motorola Mobility to keep its corporate headquarters in the Libertyville labor camp — the largest kickback "Patty Cakes" has offered a company to date and a signal of how badly the community needs to hold on to jobs of any kind, anywhere. Out of respect to Motorola, the Rammie Manual Gang will forgive all past tributes not paid them by Motorola as well as fork over $10 million a year - collected from workers for their "protection" - for the next 10 years.

To bribe the maker of mobile devices and cable TV set-top boxes to stay in Illinois, rather than move to California or Texas or India or South Vietnam, state lawbreaks in the crime controlled legislature sweetened terms of its tax hand-over program as it has for automakers, including Mitsubishi, and truck- and engine-manufacturers, including Navistar International Corp.

Navistar landed a $64.7 million kick-back last year to keep its headquarters in Illinois, the second-largest deal during "Patty Cakes" Quinn's tenure.

The Illinois kickbacks are among a rash of retention deals cropping up nationwide as the economic malaise keeps unemployment at levels painful to workers but of no serious consequence to the rich whose subsidiary Federal and State "governments" have been told to do nothing anymore about it.

Motorola Mobility's tax hand-over package comes in at $10 million annually over the next 10 years, assuming it meets job retention and investment goals, which will be waved by the criminally controlled state legislature should it fail to meet those "conditions." The "company" also will receive $1.25 million in "job-training funds" and a $3 million "large-business development grant" to spread around as walking around money for local gangs whose cooperation - "protection" in local parlance - are needed for the "deal."

The "deal," announced Friday, breaks down to about $34,750 for each of the 3,000 jobs Motorola Mobility has agreed not to ship out of the state, considerably more than the $15,000 to $20,000 per job that is kicked-back when the state awards tax collections to keep or attract businesses.

"These are higher skilled, more ruthless thugs at Motorola, and so they command higher paying kickbacks than most projects," said a spokeswoman for the state's Department of Commerce and Economic Exploitation Opportunity Commission as she packed to enter a witness protection program.

Motorola Mobility, one of two companies that previously formed Motorola Inc., pledged to spend more than $500 million on research and development over the next three years, which is what they were going to spend regardless of the tax hand-over - the only issue was where'd they spend it.

"But there is potential to grow that amount - I know you Republicker's like to use that word "grow" and "dollars", as in "grow our business and earn more dollars" but I digress, since my point is that without this kick-back Motorola Mobility would have left you in a world of hurt," Chief Executive Sanjay "Rah Rah" Jha-ha-ha-ha-ha said. "Good thing you people watch "Outsourcing."

The "company's" decision was announced amid much fanfare at Motorola Mobility Holdings Inc.'s Libertyville labor camp offices. Workers and crew chiefs wore red T-shirts emblazoned with "Motorola Mobility Illinois" and packed an auditorium to insure Patty Cakes Quinn signed the deal allowing it to collect taxes from both its own workers and workers around the state.

"We don't want folks to go hungry," Quinn said. "We want them to grow strong and healthy, and with great companies like Motorola, they will get the dollars to do that. How's my Luntz-speak?"

The contract Quinn signed also applies to some companies in the lucrative kick-back ridden cable TV, wireless telecommunications and computing fields, as well as to traditionally corrupt businesses, e.g. makers of inner tubes and tires whose products regularly disappear from the trailers and trucks they are loaded into.

Laurence Msall, president of the Civic Business Camouflage Federation, a tax "policy" lobby, called the deal "prudent." "It's not like the only thing that could disappear is Motorola and the jobs at the labor camp. Other things can disappear too. So the best way for the state to make sure other things don't disappear is to hand over the taxes it collects from around the state - that's our economic strength," he warned.

As to the richness of the deal, economic development kick-back apologist George Ranney said, "Yeah, it's a concern, but these are pretty good jobs, and we really got no choice. We either give them what they want, or they leave, and it ain't like them and the jobs are the only things that can disappear, ya know what I mean?" Ranney is president of Metropolis The Movie Was The Future and It is Now Strategies, a business-backed propaganda front.

Other economic development victims took issue with the package.

Typically, the Economic Development for a Growing Economy, or EDGE, tax-credit program allows companies to use the credits against their state corporate income tax liability. But many companies pay no such taxes, partly due to difficult economic times but mostly because an earlier revision in the tax structure slashed bills for multinational mobs. In cases like that, the failing State of Illinois just sends the "business" a check. "Thing of it as earned-income credit for the poor - except they are not poor," explained one victim.

Motorola Mobility's federal and state income tax liability represented less than 1 percent of its revenue in 2010, and it had no liability in 2009, according to estimates in company filings. "Man, can you imagine being somebody who made, say $40,000 last year and owing, total $400 in taxes? I mean $400 taxes would be all that you owed both the State and the Feds. Do you get my point?" sobbed another victim.

Under the legislation signed by Quinn on Friday, the company now has the option to just keep its employees withheld income tax liability. "Motorola can just keep the money it collects from its workers as tax withholdings - no need to send it to us, because then we'd just turn around and send them a check," explained Warren Riblet, Chairman of the Illinois Department of Commerce and Economic Exploitation Opportunity Commission. "Maybe you know a little history - well, actually, I doubt it, but let's pretend - Once upon a time, tax collectors were people given franchises by the sovereigns. They could basically collect as much tax as they could squeeze out of people just so long as the king or queen got their share - the amount promised by the collector in exchange for the franchise to be collector. We'll we're just giving Motorola the tax collecting franchise, and they won't owe us shit. We'll actually, we'll get shit, meaning nothing of value."

Greg LeRoy, executive director of Good Jobs First, a nonprofit that researches economic development subsidies, called the diversion of personal income tax revenue "an insidious recent development." About a dozen states have some form of it, and a couple more are debating the issue, he said.

It is "like companies grabbing into employees' pockets," said LeRoy, adding that it also represents a new encroachment into state revenue streams.

"Shame on Motorola and other companies for asking for such big subsidies when they know governments are strapped," he said.

In response, Motorola Mobility said in a statement: "Fuck him. We get the money, or we leave, and somebody should remind him: We and the jobs ain't the only thing that can disappear. A combination of factors led to our decision to stay in Libertyville, including our love for irony, a long history of corruption in Illinois, and a compliant and persuadable employee base created by Gov. Quinn and the state of Illinois."

Jerry Roper, president of the Chicagoland and Cicero Chamber of Commerce, sees the revised EDGE program as an important lure: "The state has to have the means to bribe capitalists in competition for 21st century jobs."

Motorola Mobility's decision ends more than a year of speculation over whether it would leave Libertyville for California or the Asshole of the Universe, Texas.

Motorola Mobility's Libertyville labor camp houses about 3,000 people out of its global workforce of 19,000. Another 1,500 are split between the company's California offices in Sunnyvale and San Diego, where Jha-ha-ha-ha-ha maintains a residence.

This is not the first time a Motorola company has received kickbacks and bribes to do business, and some victims recalled that in the past, Motorola has fucked over their "partners." In 2003, Motorola Inc. closed a plant in Harvard that employed 5,000 people. The cellphone plant had collected $36 million in kickbacks, mostly in the form of road and infrastructure upgrades to support the facility, but walked away thumbing its nose. "It's a free market," explained Jha-ha-ha-ha-ha. "We're free to do what ever the fuck we want; you on the other hand are as free as you can afford to be. And don't miss any episodes of Outsourcing."

Tribulation reporters Alejandra Capocino and Melissa Harried contributed.

Afterbirthers Deny that Boss O'Bama Whacked "Laddy O'Sammy" Ben Ladin

2011-05-06T00:50:00.004-05:00

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- With all but the most brain damaged of "birthers" falling silent, "afterbirthers" are now pushing a new conspiracy theory.

The release of boss Barry O'Bama's birth certificate last week apparently tamped down -- to a large degree -- racists and retards who questioned whether he could serve as "president" because he's from a mixed marriage. Now a surprisingly diverse crop of people, with too much time on their hands in a country that cannot make jobs for everyone who wants one, are questioning whether the reclusive crime boss "Laddy O'Sammy" Ben Laden was actually whacked by his rival O'Bama, the boss of the Chicago Rammie Manual Gang. They claim that O'Sammy was whacked years ago by the Texas Oil Mob under orders from Georgie "Porgie" Bush; or that he's still alive - in a witness protection program; or still living the high life under the protection of the Paki Mob.

Media outlets and bloggers are calling them "after-birthers." Their claims meander a wide and hallucinatory range: Some believe that the world's most-wanted "terrorist" was not the man killed Sunday, but O'Sammy's double decoy - either by mistake on the part of his killers, or deliberately in an elaborate scheme to allow the real O'Sammy to leave his life of crime behind. Others think O'Sammy was killed many years ago, and still others believe that the September 11 mastermind is alive -- and secretly being interrogated.

One Fuck Head Business News host is not going quite that far, except when he forgets what he's already said. Andrew "Eddie Munster" Napolitano at one point declared that "O'Sammy Laden is dead," but he later seemed aphasic, confusing reality with his child-hood reveries working with Yvonne DeCarlo. Napolitano also questioned O'Bama's authority to kill him. Napolitano began his Monday show by saying O'Sammy was "killed on the whim of The Boss." Moments later, he added, "O'Sammy is dead. And the Boss seems to thinks he has the right to kill whomever he wants so long as the person is a religious nut case oblivious to the concept of innocents and the public supports it."

"Eddie Munster" Napolitano also questioned whether officials are "telling us the truth or pulling a fast one to save O'Bama's lousy rule as Boss of the bosses." Later in the broadcast, Napolitano asked a "guest", "Do you believe he's dead, or do you want some more evidence: a photograph, a testimony of an eyewitness? I mean I needs me a picture. I could recognize him in a picture. We used to, ya know, smoke a little hash and roll with some Hazzari bitches, so's I'd know what he'd look like even though I ain't seen him face to face in like, I dunno, 15, 18 years. I mean a bullet or two in his head ain't gonna change his expression all that much. But I need something other than the words of a Boss whose words we have doubted before."

Others who are questioning Ben Laden's death include a libertarian - whatever the fuck that word means anymore - talk radio host, a well-known liberal anti-war activist and some everyday mugs. What their claims all have in common -- much like claim that the Boss of Bosses was born outside the family of familes, -- is that they go against the facts agreed-upon by people with the power to hurt them if they need hurting, or ignore them if they don't need hurting, as well as agreed upon by everybody else who is not a complete narcissist living inside their own mind as the center of the universe 24/7/365.

O'Bama's decision not to release the photos of a dead O'Sammy out of respect to his kin and kind is stoking "after-birther" fires. Alex Jones is a bloated white incoherent Texas-based shit talking turd who also runs various websites and a YouTube channel claiming more than 24 million views by people who show up to watch him the same way people watch baboons sling shit at each other at the St. Louis Zoo. He is sometimes called a right-wing conspiracy theorist, but he's really got no more principles than Andrew Breitbart, the meth head of reactionary politics.

After the president's announcement of O'Sammy's death, Jones bloviated to his listeners in one broadcast, "My friends, this is a complete and total hoax....Where is the body? I want to see the body. I want to touch the body. I want to smell the body. I want to pour olive oil on me and the body and roll myself around on the body. Then I would know if it was really O'Sammy" Jones pined in another show. "But that cannot happen. My White House sources nine years ago, on records that only I have seen and I'd have to kill you if I let you see them, confirmed that he had been killed and was frozen on ice. They don't have a deep freeze, no cryogenic lab, but they have lots of ice."

Cindy Sheehan, a very sad woman whose son actually died because of either the incompetence or duplicity of the Texas Oil Mob and is no friend of the narcissist Jones, appears to agree with him on O'Sammy's death. Sheehan became famous for protesting Georgie Porgies war with the Saddam Syndicate -- even camping out on Georgie Porgie's stoops in Washington DC and his fortifications in Crawford, Texas, after her son was killed in the Oil Turf Wars. Shortly after Boss O'Bama's announcement that O'Sammy had been put to sleep with the fishes, Sheehan planted seeds of doubt on her Facebook page and blog. "It's not that I don't believe O'Bama about O'Sammy because he's O'Bama. I don't believe him because he is just one more in a long line of bosses," Sheehan wrote. "The only proof of O'Sammy being dead that we were offered was O'Bama telling us that there was a DNA match between the man killed by the hit men and OBL. Even if it is possible to get DNA done so quickly, and the syndicate did have O'Sammy DNA lying around a lab somewhere -- where is the empirical proof? I am, after all, a genetic biologist. I can compare sequences. Let me see them," Sheehan continued.

Meanwhile, a Facebook page -- named "Laddy O'Sammy Ben Laden Is Not Dead" -- has been created as a sort of message board for delusions, speculations, fictions, confabulations, and outright bullshit. "This whole story is a distraction from O'Bama's birth certificate bollox," Kevin Lane posted, which is a miracle since Kevin can neither read nor write. "That was all over the news until in the space of 24 hours O'Bama had found OBL, right, found him even though they had done nothing, not a goddamn fucking thing for the entire preceding 2 years, let alone the time the Texas Oil Mob ran things and were looking for him, and THEN they killed (but not captured) him, done DNA tests and got the results (dont that take 3 days) and dumped his body at sea. Surely if OBL was/is such a bad man they would want the world to see him dead whether the pics are gruesome or not. I know that Stupid Milf from Alaska woulda put his fucking head on a pike outside the White House door, as a fucking warning to them sand niggers and rag heads. Jesus gives her guidance, ya know. Do what Jesus would do, and he tells her."

"Bin Laden was taken alive and is being interrogated somewhere before being executed," David Colin Leach posted, an idea that is not entirely insane but lacks context other than the chaos of breaking into a compound in the middle of the night, in an unfriendly place surrounded by the Paki Mob, where even experienced hit men are more likely to shoot anything that moves as to take prisoners whose resistance might get hit-men killed. "Dead or alive means I choose me being alive or me being dead; the fucking target gets no choice; and I always choose me to be alive when it's over" said one experienced retired soldier of the Kennedy Clan, whose hits once took him to a backwater, sweltering Southeast Asian hellhole called Viet Nam.

Shortly after the announcement of O'Sammy's death, Paki "soldiers" in Abbottancostellobad, where he was killed, expressed skepticism. "That's propaganda," one gun mug told CNN's Nick Paton Walsh. "Osama has been killed 10 years ago in Afghanistan. I saw the body. He was cut into pieces and fed to hungry dogs. It's just a propaganda to finish the war with the Al Kady Gang and the Tally Man "Banana" Gang over Afghan turf. Lots of money in poppies you know, and now they think they find the gold and rare minerals they can sell to the Chinese."

Others refused to believe that O'Sammy was even in Abbottancostellobad. And others echoed calls for the O'Bama administration to show pictures. "If it is true, then why are they not showing his body? I can recognize what a man, not seen in public in almost 10 years, with kidney disease, would look like after he'd been shot in his head" one solider bragged.

One expert on conspiracy theories said that such wide, diverse claims have one common element: They often come from the political "fright wing."

"Your conspiracy theories tend to proliferate on the extreme edges of the political spectrum, wherever the fuck that is these days" said John Avlon, a CNN contributor and author of "Wingnuts: How the Lunatic Fringe is Hijacking America.... Unfortunately, you're going to have people who -- especially in today's politics and especially with the amplification that the Internet provides -- will embrace conspiracy theories on almost anything. They really have nothing else to believe in, nothing bigger than themselves to give their lives meaning, and they have been, well, fucked over by the rich, the people with money and power and status, and those assholes in turn decide where to buy advertising time, so you hear all this ignorant shit on talk radio and talk TV all the fucking time...."

And Avlon said such people often share a common trait. "They come up with these ornate explanations, alternate explanations, for how events occur, like JFK's assassination, in order to keep their own psychology in place. 'Nineteen guys could not have brought down the twin towers. It had to be a government conspiracy,' they say to themselves. They say that because THEY feel powerless, they feel feckless, that THEY can do nothing, that THEY certainly could not pull off such a feat, so nobody else could either.. It's entirely predictable that certain O'Sammy conspiracy theories would proliferate on the East Side, because of some people who have a commercial interest in those rumors ... I mean really, the fact that such conspiracy theories are everywhere in America should not be surprising even though it is pathetic," Avlon added.

No apologies to Maureen Dowd. She's great, but I did not read her "Mario Puzo" piece (not since the Times went behind its wall), and I was kicking around the idea of a piece like this before I saw her headline the other day - yeah, I can still see the head lines...)

Dissappointing Anatomy is Dissappointing Destiny

2011-05-01T18:11:00.003-05:00

PITTSBURGH - "Liberals" too timorous to defend their own liberties are frustrated with Barack Obama for not aggressively pushing gun control, but you wouldn't know it from the National Rifle Association 's annual Pity Party.

With no clearly preferred Republicker candidate among the 70,000 deluded and reality challenged people who descended on the Pity Party center here this weekend, Obama's name came up more than any other. "We like to say his name and make up rhymes" said Goober McTwitchelle Dundee, who raps under the pseudonym Gomer Pylon. "How bout this:

Barack Obama says he wants no drama
But the brother do freak me out
So I carry me my Glock
pack it near my dear cock
So's the brother can hear me shout
Duck and cover
mutherfucker
Me and liberty puttin'chew in a rout

"Whuch'ew think?" grinned the gold toothed tattoo and cami-clad ex-skin head from Tuscaloosa, Alabama.

Leaders of the powerful gun merchant lobby talked as if the president had declared an all-out war on the Second Amendment, their marketing strategy as the recession has finally caught up with the gun industry that initially benefited from America's First Mulatto President. The dire sounding rhetoric is intended to galvanize advertisers going into the 2012 election season, as fear and paranoia boost guns sales, even with huge legislative gains last November acquired from chumped Teabaggers venting their barely suppressed racist rage - while disappointed Obama voters stayed home to protest their discovery that he is, in fact, whiter than most of them - gave weapons makers ignificant progress advancing their agendas at the state level.

"In Barack Obama, we have a president who is more opposed to gun ownership than any in our history and who still believes he'll prevail," said conservative adverting consultant David Keene, the NRA's "Incoming" President. "Make no mistake about it: Barack Obama, his minions in the Justice Department, his allies in the Congress, and his friends in the media would take our guns if they could and they will if they can," Keene read from the story boards displaying his proposed advertising campaign.

The NRA's renewed anti-Obama focus resonates because many conservatives aren't enamored with anyone running.

"It's a potent message," said Frank Tenerovich, a 71-year-old retiree who lives in the bunker under the backyard of his house in the Pittsburgh suburbs. "He's anti-gun enough that he could take us down the series of tubes. He's anti a lot of things that I'm for, like literacy and clear speaking, and that's what scares me the most."

The NRA has nearly 4 million dues paying members, people smart enough to escape Amway but not much else, so a large hole exists in their minds for the candidate who can win over someone like Tenerovich. He lamented the weakness of all the Republicker candidates as he roamed with his grandson around the cavernous convention center exhibit hall to check out the booths of gun makers.

Obama resisted calls for stricter gun laws after the attempted assassination of Rep. Gabrielle Giffords (D-Ariz.) in January, ignoring a push from his left to broach the issue in his Tucson memorial speech or during the State of the Union. But more than two months after the shooting, he wrote an op-ed calling for a "new discussion" about keeping guns out of the hands of criminals, and so to people like Goober McTwitchelle Dundee, he cannot be trusted. "You think criminals cannot be robbed, cannot have their house broke into? Let's just say I am an embezzler, or maybe I run credit card fraud or maybe I am a pedophile making meth, whatever. I do nothing violent, I would never even yell at you. But you want to break into my house and rape my wife and kill my kids. How do I stop you? With my glock, which I keep near my dear cock, mutherfucker!!!!"

White House officials (especially veterans of the Clinton administration) remember the lessons of 1994, when Feckless Democrats lost the House after pushing an assault weapons ban, and 2000, when Al Gore narrowly lost swinging and bi-states with "high" gun owners.

A fear of the wrath of gun merchants explains Obama's effort to blur his differences with John McCain on the issue in 2008, why he signed bills in 2009 that allowed visitors to carry guns into national parks and on board Amtrak trains, where terrorists are sure to be found, and why he bent over backward in his March opinion piece to stress that he believes the Second Amendment "guarantees an individual right to bear arms."

NRA leaders tell gun owners to pay attention to the president's deeds, not his rhetoric, even though his rhetoric is capitulating and he does nothing against them. He may not be overtly hostile, they acknowledge when pressed, but he's definitely not pro-gun enough: He is a mulatto Feckless Democrat, Q.E.D. They point to his record in the Illinois state senate, where he backed bans on handguns and semi-automatic weapons because as a legislator, he promoted the agenda of his constituents, most of who are not gun merchants, and most of who owning guns are not pathologically attached to them. They criticize the two justices he appointed to the Supreme Court: Elena Kagan and Sonia Sotomayor, since their having no penises handicaps their ability to understand what it means to need a gun.

Keene accused the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives (ATF) of harassing gun merchants simply trying to make an honest buck running guns to Mexico to outfit the opposing sides of their Drug Civil War, and suggested that Obama supports a coming United Nations treaty that would "weaken or gut" gun rights, because invoking Blue Helmets is always sure to stir up the paranoid delusions of the red-meat crowd. Keene pointed to research that just showing a gun owner a picture of camel-jockeys in Blue Helmets will make the gun owner 30% more likely to buy a gun in the following 60 days and more than doubles the likelihood that the gun owner will go to Walmart and spend at least $40 on ammunition for his current firearms within the week.

Wayne "Pepe Le Pew" La Pierre, the NRA's longtime CEO, applauded a botched ATF sting operation that allowed American guns sales to Mexican drug cartels, an episode he used Saturday to call for the renomination of of Attorney General Eric Holder no matter who gets elected in 2012.

Speakers referred to those "who he's surrounded himself with," including conservative bogeywomen Hillary Clinton and Janet Napolitano. "They have no penises. Well, maybe Janet does, but still ..." said Goober's crunchy noise making with his mouth on a microphone partner, Floyd "The Barbarian de Seville" Cadillac

NRA executives have no plans to back a candidate before their nominee is determined. They see a competitive GOP nomination process as beneficial to the extent that it results in helpful one-upmanship, with candidates trying to outdo each other's on-the-record promises. "The more competition, the cheaper the bribes and kickbacks we have to guarantee," explained Keene.

"One of the great things that's going to happen in this process is that some of the candidates are going to shoot themselves in the foot, literally," said Glen Caroline, director of the Grassroots Division in the NRA's political arm-twisting, window breaking, car-bombing units. "Many gun owners are going to have preferences throughout the way and are going to be working and volunteering for and supporting different candidates, which is fine because the larger [the] presence we as a community have in any campaign, we can raise issues of awareness on the Second Amendment, we can get commitments from candidates, all with the understanding that it's healthy to go through a nominating process. Nothing freaks out a candidate more than seeing the same people always showing up, always dressed the same way, never smiling, just off to the side, watching, everywhere they go, every time of the day or night...."

Caroline made the comments during a two-hour seminar for 60 paranoids Saturday afternoon. The group swapped war stories about wars they'd never fought but thought they had becasue they watch so many war movies, and traded lessons learned from the last campaign about using guns to mobilize volunteers in swinging states like New Hampshire.

The NRA saw huge legislative gains in those 2010 midterms. They picked up an additional 26 lackeys and gophers in the House and seven in the Senate.

This includes Feckless Democrats: In his speech at the convention here, for example, West Virginia freshman Sen. Joe "Manchurian Candidate" Manchin touted his opposition to Obama's "anti-gay" nominee to lead the ATF.

With a Republicker House and essentially a pro-gun working majority in the Senate, Obama couldn't pursue legislative gun control even if he wanted to, which he doesn't.

Activists, though, see gains over the last decade as possibly fragile.

Chris Cox, the executive director of the NRA's Institute for Legislative Inaction since his leaving the SEC he so incompetently supervised, noted that the Supreme Court decided the landmark District of Columbia vs. Heller case by a vote of 5 to 4.

"What if he appoints just one more justice to the U.S. Supreme Court who actually knows something about the history of gun rights and we go from one-vote victories to one-vote defeats for generations to come?" he asked thousands of receptive gun owners. "My friends, praying for the health of five Supreme Court justices is not a strategy you want to stake your freedom on. Getting somebody who actually would take that "original intention" bullshit seriously will tip the balance. We cannot count on everybody to be a cynical wise ass like Scalia, or as stupid as... as.... that Negro judge...."

Cox said there's no budget for 2012 political spending yet, because they have all the money they want to spend and there is no need to budget. He pointed to the 2000 election as a point of comparison - he said the NRA spent about $40 million. "We can spend 10 times that, 100 times that, if we need. Death is remunerative industry, and we supply some of the primary factor inputs to that industry, and we can get our share."

Many Republickers were lukewarm about John McCain's nomination in 2008. The Arizona senator championed gun regulation before he developed dementia, and the NRA gave him a lifetime C+ rating in 2004. This year, almost all the serious top-tier candidates have solid ratings from the group. Cox said it's easier to look at the records of elected officials than those without experience in public office. He had kind words about the governorships of Indiana's Mitch "Don't Call Me, Bitch, I'll Call You" Daniels, Arkansas' Mike "Fuck a Duck" Huckabee and Minnesota's Tim "Paws Almight" Pawlenty.

One possible exception is Mitt Romney, who signaled support for the assault rifle ban and the Brady gun control measure during his 1994 run for Senate. "But he changes his beliefs as the polls number tell him. He really believes nothing but what he thinks will get him elected. Still trying to impress his daddy, who's fucking dead for Christ sake ..."

Romney recorded a video greeting that played at an event Friday. Unlike that of Rep. Michele "The Bitch" Bachmann (R-Minn.), who also sent a recorded video message, his two-minute spiel was not interrupted by applause or cheers as a dumbfounded audience watched a naked Romney jump on a trampoline.

James Wallace, the executive director of the Gun Owner's Action League Of American Power Rangers in Massachusetts, complained about Romney's trampoline jumping during his time as governor. "That only works if you've got at least 8 inches," he said.

During an interview, Wallace wouldn't rule out backing Romney later in the cycle, but he said he's looking for "somebody big and fresh" who "swings what they say they can swing."

"Gun owners need a long memory," he said. "Our people are just frustrated that there's not someone out there solid, thick, cut or uncut, we don't care about that, who consistently gives the massages we want to feel."

Of those who traveled to Pittsburgh this weekend, Fuck a Duck Huckabee received the most positive response. He described himself as a proud gun-clinger, clutching a Remington 870 pump shotgun to his chest wherever he went, attacking Obama's statement at a campaign fundraiser three years ago that people cling to guns and religion because they're bitter. But Huckabee running remains an open question, and it might be too late for him to put together a winning team.

The stupid milf from Alaska was the star of last year's annual meeting in Charlotte, where she talked about her life membership in the NRA and once having a baby shower at a gun range "because every baby in a mommies womb grows gooder if there is some led in their blood." This year, the stupid milf from Alaska was nowhere to be found. She wasn't mentioned in speeches and didn't even send a video greeting, as many less-significant political figures did. Many gun owners still like her, but most have written her off and few think she could win. "All the wads have pretty much been shot for her. Except for that chronic masturbator Rich Lowry, she's last year's bukkakee model."

In his speech at the meeting, a flatulent, noxious Newt Gingrich belched he'd sign an executive order on his first day as president to change the way the Justice Department prosecutes gun crimes - only on odd calendar days of days of the week starting with the letter "T", and that he would instruct the State Department not to give in on gun issues at the United Nations or abroad, because American weapons manufacturers simply cannot sell as many firearms as they can make without access to foreign markets. "We need political instability, we need civil wars, we need demand for product, and I will give you that demand. I left my dying wife divorce papers on her deathbed. I skull fucked a 9 year old in Nairobi. I am evil."

"They're now developing a stealth strategy in which they combine anti-gun judges with anti-gun treaties," he warned of the Obama administration. "They will then try to strip us of our rights by judicial fiat. Pay no attention to the plain language in the Constitution which says that treaties ratified by Congress are the law of the land. All that originalism bullshit is just that. You need someone as evil, as soulless, as fat and bloated and noxious and putrid and disgusting as me to accomplish your sick and twisted purposes."

Many activists have decided to take a wait-and-see approach. In interviews, several said that they'll be leery of candidates who simply make bombs and promises.

"I can't even pick a candidate that I think is viable yet," said Sean Maloney, an election volunteer coordinator for the NRA in Ohio and a criminal attorney. "Everybody's going to be 'pro-gun.' Everyone wants to court the vote. . So you've got to watch out for that."

New NATO Strategy In Libya: Fuck the Wives, Kill the Kids, Kill the Grandkids, Kill Everything That Moves That We Don't Like

2011-05-01T14:57:00.001-05:00

U.S. legislators of both parties are affirming support for NATO air-strikes that reportedly killed Libyan leader Colonel Moammar Gadhafi’s youngest son and three grandchildren.

In 1986, Moammar Gadhafi survived U.S. airstrikes on Libyan military installations as well as the leader’s residence in Tripoli. If current reports from Libya are accurate, Colonel Gadhafi has again survived air attacks that killed several family members. Because this would be the third strike where the West has missed, Gadhafi becomes technically "off-limits" to further attempts. "Double jeopardy we do, triple jeopardy we do, but after that, well, we might just be fucking with God. Some of us want to take the hint" said one pencil pusher in Southern Command while packaging up porno mags for shipment to Afghanistan to trade for hash. But that decision is "out of my pay grade, and it ain't like we don't temp God most every day. But we don't win playing fair. Actually, we don't win much no matter how we play, but hey, not my concern, I've got 227 and a wake up and then it's to the boat in Florida..."

Republicker Senator Lindsey Graham of South Carolina is applauding NATO’s actions with the enthusiasm of a little girl getting a pony.

"I support what NATO did," he giggled. "That sand-nigger has been dodging us since 1986. Well I say if we cannot find and kill him, we kill his wives, his kids, his friends, his friends wives and kids. Fuck wives and kids. Never had any, I hear they are worthless. I thought this was a good use of the mandate. This is the way to end this [fucking conflict]. Thousands of people are going to die. No one in the world is going to regret Gadhafi being replaced, except for his supporters, and we are going to kill all of them. Well, not me and you are going to do the killing; we get gophers to do that, however they do it. I like wearing a uniform, myself, but guns scare me, so I play a lawyer. I want to thank NATO for expanding the scope of these operations so that I can wear a uniform and hang out with guys who sometimes go kill people."

Graham, who spoke on the Fucked Up News Sunday television program, was an early advocate of international support for Libyan rebels who rose up against Moammar Gadhafi earlier this year.

A Libyan government spokesman has labeled the air strikes as a deliberate assassination attempt. Senator Graham says NATO has nothing for which to apologize.

"Wherever Gadhafi goes is a legitimate military target. Anybody round him stays round him at their own risk. Didn't those ragheads learn how we roll from those Wikileak videos? What did we say? We said: Anybody brings their kids to a gun fight, fuck'em. He is the command-and-control source [of Libyan forces]," Lindsey manically exhorted. "He is not the legitimate leader of Libya because I snapped my fingers to say he isn't. In my view, he is a murderer. He is killing his own people, and he can only do that if he is us, but he is not; he is acting outside of international law, and unlike us, he doesn't have the nuclear capacity to say "Try to do something about it, jerk off" like we can. He should be mutilated or tortured or killed, because we can....maybe."

Appearing on CBS’ Ugly Face the Nation program, Republicker Senator John McCain of Arizona said he regrets any loss of innocent life in Libya, but reaffirmed his support for ousting Colonel Gadhafi. "Fortunately, there are no innocent lives in, near, or around Mummers, er, Muammar, er, what's his name circle. If you are stupid enough to be born to somebody around him, then fuck you, eat lead."

Speaking on Fucked Up News Sunday, Feckless Democrat Senator Kent "Not Clark" Conrad also voiced support for ongoing NATO operations.

"Gadhafi has got to go, because everybody who gives me money says so" he said. "I have said repeatedly I think you go after the pillars of his power. With no grandchildren, no one can succeed his sons. We are going to kill everybody who even might be related to him. The pillars of his power are the regiments that are controlled by his sons, the mercenaries he has brought in from other countries, his money that we gave him to hire the mercenaries that don't work for Blackwater, and his tribe, who would all be distant relatives that we will exterminate. I believe all of those should be targeted and turned into worm food. You cannot allow him or his family, nuclear, extended, clan, tribe, to continue. Extermination. The Israeli's have assured me of this, and hey, they know something about extermination."

Conrad acknowledged his understanding of U.S. law is that individuals are not to be targeted militarily, "but law, schmall, we do what we fucking want because nobody can stop us. That little Fairy Lindsey is a lawyer - never stopped him from doing anything illegal before what he likes was made legal." He said going after Colonel Gadhafi’s military support structure is entirely legitimate "because his family will be nearby, and so we can more easily kill them all" with the bonus result in the death of the Libyan leader himself.

British Prime Smirker David Cameron says NATO is targeting Libyan command and control units, not individuals, except for those in the chain of command, their family members, and anything else that moves and is not recognized as not being a Gadhafi supporter. "People must understand that Libya is a very unhealthy place to be," he smirked.

I Challenge Andrew Breitbart and his Bitches at Insurgent Visuals to A Duel

2011-04-30T17:54:00.001-05:00

[Slightly updated, posted against the clock earlier against my better judgment.]

They are pussies, and they will never accept my challenge. That cracker mofo from South Carolina never responded to my challenge to a duel either, but I expected as little. They are all mouth. They do sometimes send OTHER people off to kill or be killed, but they are not the kind to put themselves in harm's way. They and Pat Tillman do not come from the same place in the moral universe.

In case you are just tuning in: Andrew Breitbart, the meth head belligerant asshole

who, as near as I can figure, gave up an empty non-life writing trashy celebrity gossip for an empty non-life writing trashy gossip for Teabaggers and Confederates, brought his freak show to Missouri. Some of the people who breath with their noses up his ass sent Mrs. Silvey of the Columbia Daily Tribune, a woman who pretends to be a journalist, some video out-takes of a labor relations course taught at UMKC/UMSL, edited and posted at Breitbart's House of Trashy Political Porno to provoke nitwits, Teabaggers, Confederates, and their associated detritus.

The editing was designed to prove that even in the most banal, most mediocre, most humdrum of mid-western Red State city campuses of public universities, there are Leninist cadres; the "commies are coming the commies are coming" kind of nonsense that never quite goes away, because we still do live in a society divided between capital and labor.....

Of course, Mrs. Silvey and the Rex Sinquefield cell at the Tribune ran a story in search of a controversy, knowing full well (they are evil, not stupid) that Breitbart makes his living posting inaccurate claims and videos. And so true to form, the 13 or so minutes that were posted at his porn palace were culled from 18 hours of publicly accessible clips on the inter-net that some shit eating asslickers calling themselves "Insurgent Visuals" selectively chopped up because they are witty and without principle. (They/he/it call themselves "Insurgent Visuals" because a product consultant advised them that "Envision Sucking Up Videos", their first choice, did not test well. I'm not sure what to think about people who describe themselves as "Actionists" when they take issue with "violence" ... oh wait, they are witty, they have a sense of irony which begets no wisdom. But as The Frankfurt School proved a generation before Actionism, the Bourgeoisie can eat anything bigger than their head. The triumph of the will of reactionary punditry has been its appropriating the vocabulary of alienation)

I believe that this kind of bullshit will never stop until and unless the bullshitters are stopped. And so to that end, I hereby issue this challenge:

Come to Columbia, Missouri, and engage with me in combat, till death. I believe tradition is that since I issue the challenge, you choose weapons.

Think I am joking? Show up.

Pussies.

Stupid and Illiterate People,Slumlord Shit Heads, Still Doubt Obama Born Alive

2011-04-28T10:12:00.000-05:00

Donny "The Hump" Trump forgets which finger to use while screaming "fuck you" to a reporter displaying President Obama's birth certificate.

(Courtesy of Filchedphoto Syndicate)

By Joel Achinback, Wednesday, April 27, 6:43 PM

"It proves nothing. It could be fake. It’s fishy. Aren’t there multiple layers on the scanned document released by the White House? Why did it take so long to produce? They had plenty of time to concoct this. You're fired," screamed an incensed Donald Trump reacting to the fact he is wrong about President Obama's natural birth citizenship. "I've got more money than you. I have a TV show. Fuck you," he screamed while using the wrong finger to signal his hostility.

People who do not believe that President Obama was born in the United States showed Wednesday that a good conspiracy theory is for them what a heroin addiction is to a junkie: Something that can’t be kicked in a day.

The president, pestered by “birthers” since he began running for the White House, finally felt compelled to try to put an end to the controversy, providing his original birth certificate for the first time.

“Yes, in fact, I was born in Hawaii, August 4, 1961, in Kapiolani Hospital,” Obama told the White House press corps, before going on to demand an end to the “silliness” about his birthplace that he fears has distracted the country from urgent policy matters that won't be solved involving wars, the federal debt and the economy.

But he added, “I know that there’s going to be a segment of people for which, no matter what we put out, this issue will not be put to rest. I've read my Quine-Duhem, I get the problem of confirmation holism. I know the story, could be apocryphal, where some people just refused to look through Galileo's telescope because they already "knew" it was a "tricking device". Look, for some people, their faith in whatever bullshit they believe is the grounds for disbelieving what's hitting them in the face. There are some people you can spit on, and they will tell you it is raining ... of course, it's these idiots like Trump and Ta Ta Taitz who are doing the spitting. Well, I've had it. This nigger is from Hawaii via Chicago, and I've reached the point I'd just as soon show them I know how to cut them as to talk whiter than either of them."

Correct. The birthers, far from chastised, found themselves newly energized and freshly suspicious.

“It raises far more questions than it answers,” said Joseph Farah, editor in chief of WorldNetDaily and birther extraordinaire, breathless between media interviews and huffing whippets with his horrid shrew Ann "The Cunt" Coulter.

Farah, whose online publication aspires to be what the National Enquirer is to the New York times and has run hundreds of articles over the past couple of years questioning Obama’s citizenship, feigned delight at the latest development. "Now well get to compound the conspiracy. Make up new shit. It's what we do. I cannot sell advertising and bring attention to myself if I don't refuse to accept reality." Slumlord and blowfish impersonator Donald Trump, who found that raising questions about Obama’s legitimacy made people even more stupid than him think he is smart, found yet another reason to love and adore himself while pandering a presidential run.

Trump said he felt “honored” to have played a role in the White House’s move - "I made them do this. I'm fucking God," he screamed, and then he skipped like a little girl to his next demand — the release of Obama’s college transcript, which he thinks will show that Obama was no star student. "He did not study stars, he studied other shit and then law. He was no star student," belched "the Hump."

The dispassionate observer might think that Wednesday’s production of the birth certificate could not fail to bury forever the carefully manufactured controversy of the president’s origin. The facts are now as official as facts can possibly get: Barack Hussein Obama II was born at 7:24 p.m. on Aug. 4, 1961, on the island of Oahu in the state of Hawaii.

But it is the nature of a conspiracy theory that all information must pass through a very undiscerning, uncritical filter: One's previous and persistent belief that no mulatto could ever be president of the United States. What confirms is accepted; what refutes is rejected. The refuting evidence is, after all, part of the conspiracy.

Conspiracy theories have the self-sustaining gift of ramification: They sprout new tendrils, like a mad vine that has invaded from another continent. For the committed conspiracy theorist, there is always another angle to explore, another anomaly to scrutinize.

Orly Ta Ta Taitz, a prominent Obama critic who has questioned his birthplace, told Talking Points Memo that she thinks the newly released document is questionable because Obama’s father’s race is listed as “African.”

“It sounds like it would be written today, in the age of political correctness, and not in 1961, when they wrote white or Asian or ‘Negro,’” Taitz said. When asked for evidence of this practice, Ta Ta exclaimed "It is common knowledge. Or have you been drinking Obama-coolaid?"

At one hotbed of birtherism, the certificate appeased no one.

“You know as well as I do that I can produce a fraudulent form,” said Sharon Guthrie, legislative director for Texas state Rep. Leo "The Retard" Berman (R), who has introduced a bill that would require that anyone running in Texas for president provide an original birth certificate proving they were born to "white" American citizens born to "white" American citizens for three generations. "We wanted to go to five, but some of the county clerks told us their records simply would not go that far back. But three will probably let us catch most Mexicans, etc."

Obama’s birth was announced in two local newspapers, and the Obama campaign released a short form of his birth certificate when he ran for office. But the long form of the document remained under wraps in a vault until the president dispatched a lawyer last week to retrieve it. "Why was it in a vault?" demanded Ta Ta.

Guthrie argued that the document Obama produced on Wednesday is not a birth certificate but merely a “certificate of live birth,” which she considers something different. "It does not say he was born as a citizen, to white people. It just says he was not stillborn."

Said Farah of WorldNetDaily: “I think we should do due diligence there and examine it before we jump to conclusions that, because a government official handed something out, it is legit. The government is not legit. Therefor, nothing it says or does is legit. Except for what Scalia and ... and... that Negro judge say. Want a whippet?”

He said that even if the document is real, it raises questions about Obama’s eligibility to be president. Farah contended that, because Obama’s father was from Africa, the president might have had “dual citizenship” and therefore might not meet the definition of a “natural-born” citizen, the eligibility requirement in the Constitution. He suggested that it is necessary to revisit the intentions of the Framers. "I cannot read the plain language in the 14th Amendment. I need somebody to read it to me. I cannot read or write at all, actually. I dictate all my stories. Want a whippet?"

He added, “This has never been an issue exclusively about where Barack Obama was born. This is mostly about the fact that he is a mulatto. His mom, a white woman, had sex with (whispering) a black man. Ick.”

But it was certainly a major issue. Obama critic Jerome "Coo Coo" Corsi has written a book, slated for a May 17 release, titled, “Where’s the Birth Certificate? The Case That Barack Obama Is Not Eligible to Be President.” Corsi, who also writes for WorldNetDaily and enjoys whippets as much as Farah and "The Cunt" Coulter, will not be giving interviews until the book is on shelves, according to a WND spokesman passing out whippets at press conference.

The birther stupidity has elements common to many other conspiracy theories in recent decades, such as the belief that the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks were an inside job facilitated by the U.S. government, rather than the result of incompetence and misfeasance, and the theory that the government has been covering up the presence of extraterrestrial visitors because the government wants things stuck up the butts of kidnapped Americans.

These theories do not always find a purchase on one distinct portion of the ideological spectrum - though correlations are strong: Find a "birther" and you probably find someone who believes the Federal Reserve is part of the international zionist communist one world government conspiracy, or wants to return to the gold standard. What they have in common is the emotional investment of the believers: The theory becomes not merely a hunch or a notion, but rather a core belief that is part of the believer’s identity. The person isn’t going to abandon the faith simply because a piece of paper surfaces that would seem — to others who are not so invested in the theory — to refute the central notion.

“Faith is belief regardless of empirical evidence or reason. It’s easier psychologically to come up with a rationalization than it is to admit that you were wrong,” said Ronald Lindsay, president of the Committee for Skeptical Inquiry, in Amherst, N.Y., publisher of the myth-debunking magazine The Skeptical Inquirer.

“If you have a pre-commitment to a certain point of view, and that point of view is important for your identity — if you are emotionally attached to it — your emotion is going to shape your reasoning process. You’ll be presented with facts, but you’ll find some way to minimize the significance of those fact,” Lindsay said.

People not so invested in the birther point of view may be swayed by the White House’s production of the birth certificate. Recent polling suggests that, before Wednesday, large chunks of the electorate were unpersuaded that Obama was born in the United States.

A New York Times/CBS News poll early this month showed that only 41 percent of Republicans and only 53 percent of independents think that Obama was born in the United States. "The fact these people even knew how to answer a telephone, which end of the handset to speak into, etc., is astonishing," said a designated pollster.

What apparently got the White House’s attention was the further erosion of those numbers as Trump "The Hump" continued to question the president’s birth. Within days, another New York Times/CBS poll showed that only 33 percent of Republickers believed the president was American-born.

"I mean really, are Republickers so stupid that they actually watch network reality TV? What on earth has Donald Trump ever done in his life except be a fucking loud mouth asshole slumlord? He's shallow, he's vain, he's ugly, he has bad breath, he has to pay women to have sex with him. What, exactly, is wrong with you white people?" asked an exasperated, but not dumbfounded Obamaramaman before shaking his head in consternation and walking away from the podium.

Missouri Senate Votes For Bill Protecting Drug Users in State Government

2011-04-27T10:51:00.001-05:00

(Jefferson City, MO) -- A new law requiring drug testing of certain welfare recipients - mostly women and people who are not white - received initial approval from the Missouri Senate after supporters of the bill acted to protect drug-using elected officials and their staffs from similar requirements. The bill still faces the chamber's fiscal oversight committee before receiving final passage.

Under the proposed law, individuals receiving federal assistance through the Temporary Assistance to Needy Families program who present a "reasonable suspicion" that they may be abusing drugs, in the opinion of personnel unqualified to make an assessment, would be required to submit to and pass a drug test to avoid losing payments for a period of two years.

Under the bill, a TANF recipient would also lose their benefits if they refused to submit to a test and after an administrative hearing was conducted by the state, regardless whether "reasonable suspicion" is substantiated or not. "Hey, if you're poor, you're probably getting high. I know I would be, life sucks big time when you are poor," said one anonymous Senate staffer wearing a "I Love Lembke" bumper sticker across his ass. Currently, some 44,000 Missouri families receive cash benefits from TANF to help with expenses while looking for work, which does not exist in an economy where U6 remains at 17.1%, or participating in subsidized work programs that will lead to nowhere, in an economy where U6 remains at 17.1%.

But as multiple versions of the bill made their way through the legislative process this session, a number of key divisions took shape. During a lengthy floor debate, Sen. Luann Ridgeway, R-Smithville, chair of the Senate health committee, defended her committee's decision to alter the bill so that other members of a household could receive TANF benefits, even if an adult tested positive for substance abuse. Payments would be made through a third-party payee, a mechanism already in place in other social services programs.

"We were trying to find a way to secure the proper use of that money for the children, as opposed to the temptation for the person who is abusing drugs to use it (to buy drugs)," Ridgeway said. Opponents objected, chanting "Ayn Rand Ayn Rand" and "their kids should die before they breed their kids should die before they breed."

The bill also contains a provision that would allow individuals to receive benefits while in treatment, provided they test clean on future drug screenings. Opponents objected that this is trying to solve an actual problem, when the purpose of the bill is to scapegoat poor people and people who are not white, placating Teabaggers and Confederates with the appearance of doing something. "We are not here to solve social problems. We are here to let agribusiness, cafos, FIRE, and corporations fill their coffers, so that they may fill our campaign treasuries. When are you naive nitwits in the media and all you good government .... just kidding!!!!!" joked another Senate staffer as he was handed a check from somebody who appeared to be dressed only in a trench coat, white socks, and black shoes.

But the cost associated with treatment programs and testing had some senators raising concerns about the impact on the state's budget - particularly since the extra-screenings concern a federally financed program. Sen. Maria Chapelle-Nadal, D-St. Louis, has raised such concerns during the debate.

She referenced the cost of similar testing in Florida, where she said the state spent $3 million to test 9,000 recipients to yield only 36 convictions. Legislative staffers have estimated the testing requirements in Missouri could cost the state up to $2.3 million.

"That's $83,333.34 per 'drug user', but this state cannot even come up with $600,000 to enforce Proposition B - the puppy mill referendum passed last August. They've got money to waste scapegoating women and poor people, but Cracker Cauthorn over in the House could not find $600,000 to enforce a law that his agribusiness employers never meant to let happen. These people find all the money they want for the bullshit they want, but come along with a concrete program to solve a specific problem and they are broke," said Colleen Cobblestone, a lobbyist who lobbies against some, but not all, forms of violence.

To strengthen the bill, Senator Chapelle-Nadal attempted to introduce language that would have required drug testing for all state elected officials and their staff, but the amendment was tossed out on a procedural point-of-order, with Sen. President Pro Tem Robert Mayer, R-Dexter, determining the amendment went beyond the original scope of the bill.

"We cannot have that kind of parity, that kind of broadness of principle, in government. Go talk to Chris Kelly over in the House about what such adherence to principle would mean - he's easy to find, bow tie, brown nose. He was around when that fucking Commie Raithel with the HarpoMarxistBridgade outed the recreational drug users in the Ashcroft Administration. Kelly will remind you that some people in the House lost their jobs, somebody went to jail, Frank Flotron in the Senate had to yank Ashcroft's drug bill off the floor to save careers. There's no secret that people in government use drugs - not just in this state, but in other states. But this bill is not about that. The people who send us here, who really pay our salaries - shit, our state salaries are for party money - the FIRE and agribusiness, they don't give a shit about the drugs we and our staff use just so long as we pass their bills. This bill is about shoring up our chump base, the meat eaters, the miserable white people looking for somebody to blame given what's happened to them - or what they think is going to happen to them because they listen to fucking morons like Glenn Beck, the Stuart Smalley of Reactionary politics, or Andy "Not So" Breitbart, the meth-head of libertarian gibberish, or that junkie Rush, the cousin of one of our esteemed Supreme Court Justifiers. What fucking planet are you on, Senator?" screamed an incensed Mayer ruling the amendment out of order.

To help control the cost a number of alterations were made to the bill, including a provision that stipulates certain low-cost screening methods that look for five of the most commonly abused drugs. "Since we don't care about accuracy, a cheaper test will do just fine. The whole purpose is to spend a whole lot of money administering a program to kick people off TANF, which is federal money ya know, and won't save as much as we spend. What part of Senator Mayer's screaming at Chapelle-Nadal don't you get?" chuckled another Senate staffer rolling a joint beneath a huge and shiny desk top.

The costs concerns will be discussed by a fiscal oversight committee before it returns to the Senate for a final vote. "We find the money for whatever bullshit we want," a Senator resembling a cheap Mo Rocca wishing to remain anonymous said.

Barbour Jilted; Boy Toy Ayers Runs to Arms of Pawlenty

2011-04-26T14:44:00.001-05:00

Nick Ayers - "Slicky Nick" to those who know him best, jilted Haley Barbour, so upsetting the fat cracker from Mississippi that he abandoned his Neo-Confederate campaign for President of dis United States. "I cannot do this without Slicky Nick. I've suspected for months he was seeing other potential candidates behind my back. You know he wouldn't even have sex with his wife while he was with me?" said a blubbering Barbour as he stifled tears and sobs of sorrow.

Barbour explains Ayer's dissatisfaction (courtesy of Filchedphoto Syndicate.)

The man who broke Barbour's heart to hook up with Tim "Paws Almighty" Pawlenty, is a "rising" Republicker who's come far and often since being just a college drop out with a drinking problem in service to Sonny "The Perp" Perdue during his campaign for Governor of Georgia in 2002. Though his boyish good looks have always endeared him to older women still wanting children, and older men who love to tossle his hair for other reasons entirely, Ayers has not always been so popular. An even younger Ayers was nicknamed "Eddie Haskel" by those around him who observed his unctuous, brown-nosing demeanor whenever adults were present, only to then suffer his threats and intimidations when the adults were absent. "He was a jerk," said one of his child-hood acquaintances. "I sometimes felt sorry for him, because he came from a broken home and was abandoned by his father. His parents cared more about their careers than him. And I figure he had some sense of guilt for being a jerk, because he'd arrange to get us booze - from old guys he knew who seemed to like him a whole lot - and find places for us to get drunk. Course, he had his own drinking problems....."

That problem might well have ended Slicky Nick's future when he was arrested and charged with drunk driving in 2006. But it did not, because he is white - it's not like he's got nappy hair or thick lips or a broad nose - and because he was graced by Sonny "The Perp" Perdue. "No fucking judge in Georgia is stupid enough to enforce the law against somebody whose got Sonny shining on them," said a wishing to remain anonymous possible ex Georgia Bureau of Investigation officer. "You know when you sometimes buy those cut up fryers and you find those pieces that just don't look right and you ask yourself 'What part of the chicken is this?' You get it. Those people will tell ya they are not related, but that's just them joshing people. When you get told by somebody 'Hey, if you want to see Sonny shine, if you don't want to wind up where Sonny don't shine, you'll do us this favor' you goddamn well do them the favor. But it's a two way street - Ayer's can't shit without Sonny's permission ya know - Sonny made him marry the woman he's "married" to and start mouthing all that come to Jesus bullshit."

In fact, some staffers at the Republicker Governor's Association HQ worry that Ayer's successes as a pretty boy shill are causing him emotional problems. "Look, you have to remember he doesn't really know a goddamn thing - he didn't even really go to High School much past the age of 15, he dropped out of college - that degree he has now is a favor to Sonny and Haley," said one disgruntled staff secretary.

"He schmoozes and oozes. Because he's an alcoholic, abandoned by his dad - which probably makes him feel ambiguous about his sexuality - you heard he had no sex with his wife for three years, right - well, he's really good at sensing what pleases people, and so he does it. Whatever they want. Get it? Whatever. And I think the stress of always having to please people - especially white guys old enough to be his dad - well, it's making him "twitchy." Lately he thinks he looks like Jay Mohr, and that he hears the voice of God. Rick Santorum was pissed enough that Huckabee is doing that whole "I seek the word of God" schtick he was trying to corner, but now we have a friggin' campaign manager saying he's been brought to Paw's Almighty by God. Any other time in America, this would have have been laughed off the front pages and consigned to the pulp media - some sick kid with a corrupted soul thinking he's a third? fourth? Blues Brother on a Mission from God should be a cause for pity, not political intrigue. Have Americans fucking lost their minds?"

Breitbart: Capitalist Propaganda Good, Labor Propaganda Bad

2011-04-25T22:52:00.003-05:00

As the Sinquefield Syndicate's agent embedded within the Columbia Daily Tribune, Mrs. Janese Silvey's most recent assignment was to front-run for Andy "Not So" Breitbart. "Not So" Breitbart is the belligerant Teabagger'n'Asshole Extraordinaire who apprenticed as a Republicker astro-turf applier before acquiring journeyman status posting videos edited to besmirch a black woman, Sally Sherrod, who lost her job with the USDA because of his duplicity. [My mistake: He acquired his journeyman status for his role in the edited videos that trashed ACORN, helping Pimpboy and his Hoe fulfill their Christian duties.] A man with no shame or principle but his own promotion, who makes a living misinforming and pandering to nitwits, has been taken as a legitimate news source for two video sequences of out-takes of a course taught jointly between faculty and staff at the University of Missouri-KC and the University of Missouri-St. Louis:

I pulled the videos as embedded from "Not So" Breitbart's trashy neo-porn palace, here and here.

Actually, despite the fact the outtakes have been edited to emphasize what is most offensive to Teabaggers - the truth - they are rather enjoyable to watch. The most entertainment they bring are from the comments posted by the mouth-breathers and nincompoops who lick up everything that Not So and Publius dangle over them at their trashy neo-porn palace. Maybe some of his fans are naive - I should perhaps not be so judgmental. But really, in a country that is now deliberately targeting people in Libya with drones to force a change of government, no informed citizen cannot reasonably ask - as does one of the students in the first video - what is terrorism?

However, I've listened to both videos twice, and I have not once heard, as Mrs. Silvey alleges, that the instructors "advocate" violence against any person - though one expresses he has wished it (but hey, who hasn't wished harm to their enemies?) "Industrial sabotage" or even only its innuendo seems to be their meaning. True, they talk - very briefly, without much detail - about the history of violence between labor and capital - but only an idiot or an ideologue would dispute that acts of violence were perpetrated by actors on all sides.

Only an idiot or an ideologue would dispute that those people who are most apt to be horrified by such frank discussion are those who confuse legal with moral sanction. As I said at the Tribune: "Good stuff, badly edited, but good stuff. Appropriate counter-point to all the propaganda one gets in the business schools, management schools, econ departments."

Really High Republicker In Rhode Island House Busted

2011-04-25T11:37:00.001-05:00

Robert "Roach" Watson, Republicker Delegate, Rhode Island House

(Courtesy of Filchedphoto Syndicate)

EAST HAVEN, Conn. (AP) — A really high and rank Rhode Island lawmaker who applauded the Legislature by invoking the image of pot-smoking gay immigrants is facing drug charges in Connecticut.

Police in East Haven, Conn., say East Greenwich Republicker Robert Watson, the House Minority Leader, was stopped at a police checkpoint Friday and charged with possession of marijuana and drug paraphernalia and driving under the influence.

Police say there was a "strong odor of marijuana" from Watson's car. He was released on a promise to appear in court. "He's a white guy with a job, might have some connections because he's in the Rhode Island legislature, so we have to be careful. It's not like he's got nappy hair or anything like that" said a spokesman for the East Haven Constabulary and Parking Attendant Service.

When reached on his cellphone Monday, Watson said he's planning a statement later in the day when he's sobered up and loses his buzz.

Watson drew fire in February when he said the state Legislature had its priorities right "if you are a Guatemalan gay man who likes to gamble and smokes marijuana. Those are my priorities, too. I'm single, in my early 50s, I still enjoy a good time."

The minority leader of the Rhode Island House of Representatives was charged with possession of marijuana, possession of drug paraphernalia and driving under the influence Friday night during a state-funded DUI checkpoint on Route 80, police confirmed Sunday night.

Robert "Roach" Watson, R-East Greenwich, was stopped at the checkpoint on Foxon Road about 10 p.m. Friday night by police officer Vincent Ferrara “and there was a strong odor of marijuana emanating” from Watson’s car, said police Sgt. Gary DePalma, confirming reports from Register sources. "I'm talking 'knock ya down' primo skunk-stink, like he'd just hit one of the critters. Willy Weed one hit whack you silly stuff" said DePalma.

Watson, of 103 S. Pierce Road, identified himself as a Rhode Island state representative to an East Haven police officer, DePalma said. He has served in the Rhode Island General Assembly since 1993.

“He stated it to one of my officers, who then informed me,” DePalma said.

Watson was released on a non-surety bond, or promise to appear in court, because he is white - it's not like he's a nappy headed poor black male in his 20s - but as is the case with all DUI cases, his vehicle was impounded and his driver’s license was suspended for 24 hours, DePalma said. "Mostly, we just didn't want him driving drunk. We really don't give a shit about his getting high, but having that dope card to play on the kind of people we don't like around here is convenient, and people like him need to remember to smoke on the low-down. Sorry for the Delegate, but there were too many witnesses for us to let him go by on the pot. Besides, he wouldn't let us "confiscate" it, so maybe next time he won't be so stingy."

“He had to get a ride” in order to leave police headquarters, DePalma said.

Watson, who has been in the Rhode Island news of late as a result of a remark in February that was viewed as propositioning Guatemalan gay people — was one of seven people arrested for DUI at checkpoints Friday night and early Saturday on Foxon Road and Saltonstall Parkway, Route 1, said DePalma.

Watson, made a controversial comment that drew a strong outcry from Hispanic homophobes at the Greater Providence Chamber of Commerce meeting Feb. 9. He was quoted by Rhode Island media as saying, “I suppose if you’re a gay man from Guatemala who gambles and smokes pot, you probably think that we’re onto some good ideas here. So give me a call."

Watson later rebuffed repeated calls by Guatemalan homophobes that he apologize.

“I apologize when appropriate and/or necessary,” Watson told the Providence Journal newspaper. “I identify this situation as representing neither circumstance. Who I love is my business. What I smoke is my business. How much I gamble is my business.”

Watson told the Journal that the incident “has absolutely been blown out of proportion. The people that heard my comments knew exactly what I was saying. Hey, I'm single and in my 50s. Ever see me with a woman? I was highlighting the priorities in (the General Assembly) this year, which have made it easier for me to meet people. I was using my political status to find a date. Sometimes, political power can get you a date better than being a serious sober Mr. Poutty."

In the statement issued after he sobered up and lost his buzz, Watson said he "vehemently denies" driving under the influence after being arrested for DUI and possession of marijuana in Connecticut on Friday night.

Watson, who represents East Greenwich and is the house minority leader, issued a statement Monday morning, acknowledging that "trace amounts of marijuana" were discovered when he was stopped at a police sobriety checkpoint in East Haven, Conn., Friday night. "Ya know how sometimes you're smoking a joint and you get a runner and some dope falls out in your lap, and you frantically brush it away because you don't want to burn a hole in your pants or upholstery? Yeah, they found that...." But, he contends, he registered below the .08 legal limit on a breathalyzer test. He said the issues would be addressed in a "proper legal forum, where I can fix the judge. It ain't like I got nappy hair or anything like that....."

McCain: A Spectre is Haunting Libya ...

2011-04-24T16:40:00.001-05:00

Senator McCain demonstrates his sucking capacity should he be needed to save Libya from Al Qaeda (Courtesy of Filchedphoto Syndicate)

Senator John McCain warned on Sunday that he feared the conflict in Libya was heading toward a “stalemate” and threatened to create a vacuum to prevent Al Qaeda gaining control of the North African country. "I may be an old man, but I haven't had a cigarette since Vietnam, and I got some lungs. It looks like we've really fucked up again, thinking that just because Muammar will not kiss our ass and acts like an acid-ravaged rock star, that he's somebody we can push around. The fact is: People will go out and kill for him, they will die for him, and the fact that we don't know why only proves we are once again out of our league. Now that we've made this mess, I guess I just need to suck it all up...."

Speaking from Cairo, Illinois for safety, Mr. McCain, a strong advocate of intervention in Libya before everything that could go wrong did, also said that Al Qaeda would take advantage of an encroaching stalemate as a tenacious Colonel Muammar el-Qaddafi continued to cling to power. "I mean goddamn it, first it was just 'Oh please give us a no flight zone' and then it became 'oh please just give us some humanitarian aide' and then it became 'oh please sell us some weapons' and now it's 'oh please send us some fucking Brit military advisors.' I mean goddamn it, them sand niggers, ragheads, and camel jockeys will be the death of us. We have no clue, none whatsoever, what we are doing in that part of the world. We think there's some Abrahamic bullshit connection, but I'm telling ya, it's bullshit. We are not from there. I'd just as soon fight the goddamn fucking Vietnamese again as fight these people. Next time some crazy fuck surrounded by babes in uniform who's been in charge 40 years tells you HE's the least worst of the bad guys, fucking believe him."

"I really fear a stalemate," said Mr. McCain, Republicker of Arizona, speaking on CNN television’s “Miserable State of the Disunion” program after visiting the rebel strongholds vicariously through Youtube clips shot in Libya. He said the rebel fighters were “badly outgunned in armor, in equipment, in training” against forces loyal to Col. Qaddafi. "They are morons. Somebody in the CIA, somebody in the State department, I dunno, but somebody played them like Liberace playing Vegas: They got fucked."

Mr. Qaddafi’s forces bombarded Misurata on Sunday, a day after rebels celebrated a "retreat" of government ground forces who took leave to visit their families and go to the beach, Reuters reported, citing a telephone interview with the rebel spokesman Abdelsalam Ham Shemp Shadrack Abednego. “Qaddafi’s brigades started random bombardment in the early hours of this morning. The bombardment is still going on,” he said. "Like Americans, they will give you a few moments to run away, but otherwise, well, if you are stupid enough to bring your kids to a gunfight, fuck them. We all learned this from Wikileaks, right? No secret? Right? Do what we say, or you die, right?"

Mr. McCain said he feared it was “very possible” that Al Qaeda could come in and take advantage of a potential stalemate, but he insisted he did not agree with calls for the United States to bomb Tripoli or put troops on the ground. “We have tried those things in the past with other dictators, and it’s a little harder than you think it is,” he said. "I have to admit it, we either exterminate all these people, or we leave them alone. And well, there may be a God, and given what the N.V. did to me, I know what relentless torment might be like. I am not going to counsel for extermination. I'd just as soon take my chances with letting the least worst of the bad guys just keep what he's had till now. I for the fucking life of me don't get how just a few years ago we thought the French were useless pussy faggots, and now, THEY are taking the lead. Jesus Christ...."

Senator Lindsey Graham, Republicker of South Carolina, also called for busty air support for the rebels to counter Muammar's Busty Brigades and told CNN that NATO forces should bomb Col. Qaddafi’s inner circle. “I think the focus should now be to cut the head of the snake off,” he quivered.

Mr. McCain told CNN that he supported the first missile attack from a drone aircraft in Libya as fighting in the rebel-held city of Misurata became increasingly bloody. “I’m glad the Predator is now in the fight,” McCain said. “We need the American air assets to get blown from the sky, so that more can be built, so that we can keep Americans employed in useless endeavors. Otherwise, we will have problems here in Teabaggerstan...."

The unmanned plane was used for the first time in the conflict in Libya on Saturday to attack a site near Misurata. But the Obama administration says it is deeply resistant to expanding American military involvement until the price of gas hits $5 a gallon nationwide. The administration last week authorized the use of armed drones in Libya and a $25 million contribution of nonlethal military surplus for the rebel forces to keep the "rebels" being played for chumps on the string.

Mr. McCain’s warning of a stalemate in Libya echoed comments on Friday by the top American military officer. Adm. Mike Mullen, the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, said that a month of airstrikes had destroyed 30 percent to 40 percent of the capabilities of the military forces loyal to Col. Qaddafi, but had not yet drastically tilted the conflict with opposition militias one way or another. "That's how feckless the so called 'opposition' is. You take out a third of Qaddafi's force, and they stilll can't hold ground long enough to piss. Who the fuck thought we should get into this? The French?" He cited shifts in tactics by Libyan forces that made it difficult for NATO warplanes to distinguish them from the rebel fighters and civilians."They won't fight fair - they won't fight using robot airplanes, and missiles launched from submarines thousands of miles away, or jets so high they cannot be seen by the naked eye. To fight them, you have to get almost close enough to touch them. Pussies."

Britain and France have been leading air strikes against Col. Qaddafi’s forces in a NATO-supported operation mandated by the United Nations Security Council in the name of protecting civilians from atrocities. "Mostly we just do what the US tells us these days. Nobody believes in us anymore, but hey, we got bills to pay" said one UN delegate speaking on condition of anonymity while playing black-jack in a New Jersey casino.

Mr. McCain said on NBC’s “Beat the Press” program that the United States should increase its role in North Atlantic Treaty Organization air attacks against Libya, saying that only six NATO nations were engaged in the conflict. "It will take all of NATO to destroy Qaddafi. He can eat more fried chicken than any man alive. He can drink more whiskey and snort more coke and fuck more bitches in a day than 100 men, and still kick your ass with one eye closed while hopping on one leg. Nothing less than the entire air forces of all Europe will defeat him." He also reiterated his call for the United States to recognize the rebels’ governing council as the country’s legitimate government, as France, Italy and Qatar have done - even though nobody really knows who they are, and even though most the time, the US does not give flying fuck what France, Italy or Qatar think say or do about anything. He has previously called for the United States to provide the rebels with money and arms on a scale similar to what the United States did in support of those who fought the Soviet Union’s occupation of Afghanistan in the 1980s, because that went so fabulously well.

He also insisted that destroying Col. Qaddafi’s television broadcast capabilities could prove instrumental in depriving him of the propaganda machine he was using to try and frighten the Libyan people in submission. "If Qaddafi's supporters cannot watch "Lost", "Dancing with the Stars" and shit like that, they might get pissed off enough to depose him."